Instead of the Power of Now... Love, Fear, and Humor

Well, I read more of the Power of Now and I've decided that further blog posts on the subject might be redundant. Many people have told me the book and its teachings have brought them comfort, and I'm all for people having a peace of mind. The thing that bothered me most was what I perceive as "negativity" about Tolle's description of our thinking and our egos. But if I keep talking about that, then I'm being negative myself! I have to say, negativity is something that I have little patience for. So for those that feel positive about the book, I say, more power (of now) to you!



As an alternative, however, I want to blog about this Love vs. Fear philosophy that I heard about a few years ago. I don't know a lot about it, but the way it was explained to me is that all of our decisions and thinking is either "love-based" or "fear-based." If we consciously examine our thoughts, then we can work towards keeping them "love-based." I'd like to add my Laptop Dancer suggestion: if the love-based approach doesn't work, is to go in with a "humor-based" back-up plan.



So, let's say we're thinking about an ex. The "fear-based" thoughts might be filled with anger, hurt, rejection, and criticism. We might think about how he/she "wronged" us or betrayed us. The "love-based" thoughts might remind us of the positive aspects of a person we once loved. We might recognize that they are a good parent or that they have had to deal with hardships and grief, too. If you can't think positively about your ex, then try keeping your thoughts confined to relatively innocuous fantasies such as your ex getting hit with a pie in the face. Or maybe just picture them in some sort of ridiculous outfit. That should at least give you a good internal chuckle.



Another example might be a friend that doesn't call you back. A fear-based response might be, "How rude! If he doesn't want to talk to me then I won't talk to him. His loss," A love-based response might be, "I wonder if everything is OK. I'll call again and find out. If there's something wrong, I'll be there for him." Then, if you find out nothing is wrong and he was really just blowing you off, you can call him something funny like "Banana Brain." (Hopefully, you will come up with something funnier.) Even better than that would be to remind yourself of a time you laughed with your friend and maybe plan an email based around the joke. It's hard to be upset with someone when you remember a shared smile.

One of the big rules for me, when it comes to relationships, is to try not to take things personally. Instead of always thinking about how hurt you are, try and focus on the other person.

Of course, if you're going through a divorce or a painful breakup, it's very difficult to come to terms when someone you love doesn't feel the same way about you. I remember my ex saying, "It's nothing personal." Of course, it's personal! When your husband tells you he doesn't love you anymore, it's personal! But, if you can just recognize that you are still loveable... that even if this one person doesn't love you, there are so many people that do love you... that you are a unique miracle complete with flaws and talents that make you special. If you can just see the beauty in yourself... then you do not need to obsess over how one person doesn't love you. You have to feel a little sorry for that person because they are missing out on YOU.

And if that doesn't work, well, what else can I tell you, Banana Brain? Put on a good comedy, get out the ice cream, and enjoy the power of NOW!

The Power of Now, Ch.2: Consciousness, Ego, and my advice: Humor

My plan had been to blog every Monday about the Power of Now, but I'm not sure if I'll want to do this for eight more weeks. There are a bunch of other books about spirituality that I'd prefer to read, but... this book has a big following, including by some friends I greatly respect, so I'll try and give it a chance for awhile longer.

Anyway, last week I blogged about what I liked and didn't like about the first chapter. I'll continue in that vein with Chapter 2, but this time I'll start with what I disliked and end with what I liked.

Dislikes

The thing I dislike most is that this book is just so damn negative! Maybe I'm unusual, but I had a happy childhood and have had an incredibly great life. In fact, I've often marveled at how lucky I've been. So, I just don't buy-in to all this crap about the past being full of pain. I think that's very much a victim mentality. Now I know Tolle is trying to get people to stop thinking like victims, but I don't think the way to do that is to say things like "the more you are identified with your mind, the more you suffer." If we have family and friends who we love and who love us, if we have health, if we have a home...we are blessed! We have so much to be grateful for! Why aren't we reminded of that rather than being told our past is only full of pain so we should think in the 'now?'

Just like the past or the future, my belief is that the ego, too, can have both positive and negative aspects. Tolle's perspective of the ego, much like how he describes the past and future, is very negative. He says "the ego is very vulnerable and insecure, and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case even if the ego is outwardly very confident." Great! He's even saying confidence is only a front! I so disagree with that. I think confidence is everything. Our uniqueness is beautiful and once we recognize that, we have an inner-confidence that is a key to happiness.

Likes

I continue to agree with Tolle's description of consciousness. In this chapter, he describes past pain as "pain-body" and the ability to "observe" when you are falling into a pattern of unhappiness. He says, "You are now the witness or watcher of the pain-body. This means that it cannot use you anymore by pretending to be you, and it can no longer replenish itself through you." He goes on to talk more about dissolving the pain-body through a "process of transmutation."

I also agreed with Tolle in his description of some negative aspects of ego, such as the need to be right, aggressiveness, and defensiveness and would agree that these are the root of many arguments and relationship problems.

The Laptop Dancer's Advice: Find the humor

Although a lot of Tolle's writing sounds like psycho-babble to me, I do agree there's something to be said about observing your thoughts as an outsider. When I was writing The Laptop Dancer Diaries, it was kind of cool that part of my mind was like an "observing author" of the events that were happening. And when something embarrassing would happen, instead of getting all upset about it, I would think: "This will make a good story for my book!" Another great thing about writing a humor memoir was that I was always looking for the humor in life's events. So, just in case you get tired of being in the "now" another strategy might be that when something negative happens, see if you can make a funny story out of it. There's a lot of truth to that saying: "We'll laugh about this some day." Make that day as soon as possible!