Friday, March 10, 2006


Insomnia and depression seem to go together. The question is, is it depression that's causing the insomnia or insomnia that's causing the depression? I think, in my case it's the insomnia that's causing the depression. However, I can't get rid of the insomnia. I have tried all the remedies, natural, homeopathic, herbal, over-the-counter, and prescription. The prescription drugs work best. Even with those, I normally wake up around 5:30 or 6:00, but that's much better that 2:00 or 3:00. And, of course, they're considered addictive, so my prescription is limited. I have been using the pills sparingly, only taking them on nights when I've gone several nights in a row with barely any sleep. I keep hoping that if I can just get my body into the habit of sleeping again, it will cooperate.

The doctor gave me a prescription for Prozac as well, saying the insomnia was most likely caused by depression. I did an experiment and decided to just take the sleeping pills without the Prozac. Sure enough, when I got more sleep I wasn't depressed at all. I was in a wonderful mood! Prozac, need for that! I was dancing in the street, I was so happy!

Then, in an effort to "save the sleeping pills" I don't take them, and go right back into my no-sleep-mode. Suddenly, I'm crying at nothing, feeling lonely and sad and unjustifiably rejected. I'm experiencing the classic signs of depression and thinking "Maybe I do need the Prozac." "Aren't mood swings a sign of depression?" "Isn't it depressed people that resist the notion of being depressed?" "Yes", I convince myself, "I'm suffering from depression!" and then I get depressed about that, because I know that I have nothing to be depressed about.

I break down and take a sleeping pill, get sleep, and am happy again. Happy at feeling rested. Rested enough to exercise and to be productive and to enjoy people. And I am convinced that I am not suffering from depression. And the cycle continues.

Right now, I'm thinking I should just try the Prozac and see if that helps. Unfortunately, it takes a few weeks before it kicks in. And even when it does, it's aim is to cure my depression, not my insomnia. In fact, insomnia can be one of the side affects! I know what will cure my's not Prozac, it's sleep.

No comments: