Sunday, August 01, 2010

The Invention of Lying - What if we always told the truth on first dates?

The other night my older son, Matt, came over for dinner and brought a movie that he said I'd really like: The Invention of Lying.

He knew I'd be interested because I've often debated whether the world would be better if we were always 100% honest. I came to the conclusion that there were times when dishonesty was OK and wrote a blog post about 5 Good Reasons to be Dishonest.

The movie is about a world where lying is unheard of. Everyone says whatever is on their minds, however embarrassing or rude. It starts with a blind date between beautiful Jennifer Garner and Ricky Gervais. Jennifer (I think her name was Anna in the movie) expresses her disappointment at her lack of attraction for her date as soon as she meets him. She notes that he's fat and has a snub nose. The waiter also says to them both that she's out of his league.

As much as we hate to admit it, this judgment of how attractive someone is, is probably the first thing that goes through all of our minds when sizing someone up for dating. The first question you ask yourself is, "Am I attracted to how this person looks?"

We all know that there are a lot of things that are more important than looks. I just read this morning a blog post, Beyond Face Value. Dating Goddess says:

Sometimes I can remember to look beyond the surface, but I admit I also fall prey to deleting online profiles of men who sound good when reading their description, but their pictures aren’t “my type.” It’s a common complaint that daters don’t give others a chance if they don’t look appealing. It’s also a common fear that when you meet someone for that first coffee encounter, they will turn on their heel without even saying hello once they see you

She reminds us to look beyond the surface. Yeah, yeah. This all sounds good in theory. I certainly can love a person for their personality. But what about the passion that comes from that physical attraction? Should we give up on finding that? Is it settling if we partner up with someone who we just don't find physically attractive?

What do you think?


Dating Goddess said...

Thanks for quoting me in your posting. But the point of my posting is that if we cultivate the ability to look beyond any facial abnormalities, we can see the real person beyond, and thus find treasures we might not have seen if we stopped at just their skin.

Dating Goddess

Yvette said...

Thanks for commenting, Dating Goddess! I was thinking you were just using the facial abnormalities as an example for times we are looking at appearance rather than beyond and into the heart.

Personally, I wish attraction weren't based on appearance at all, but, unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way..

Adam Mares said...

I wouldn't want to live in a world where we always told the truth. I don't even particularly like the truth. Exaggeration and embellishment are much better, especially in love and art.

Nicole Johnson said...

Hi Yvette; nice Blog !

I just read your comment on the Dating Goddess's Blog. I completely agree with you. It’s all about chemistry and physical attraction. Without chemistry and passion The Friend Zone is imminent…

That being said, I think it is beneficial for a person to date outside of their "type", in order to increase dating opportunities.

Chemistry and passion can present itself where one least expects it...

rebecca @ altared spaces said...

I once moved from Boulder, Colorado to Omaha, Nebraska. Boulder is known as the land of the perpetually young and beautiful people. Folks go to the grocery store in spandex and are constantly on the make, or if not on the make, MAKE-ing an impression.

When I moved to Omaha one of the most interesting things was all the couples I saw. There were a lot of frankly ugly people who were holding hands with attractive people in the park. Kissers and other romance makers peppered parties.

I was so happy. It made me realize I didn't have to be god's gift to a mirror to be well loved. It felt good to be around people who seemed to just love with sincerity and see something beyond the skin.

That said I will admit it makes the arguments go a lot smoother in my home knowing my husband is not hard to look at. A little eye candy goes a long way.

So, have I contradicted myself?