Being Touched By Strangers

I've blogged a few times before about Random Acts of Kindness. I think the idea of kindness and "paying it forward" are wonderful ways to make our world a better place.

I'm especially touched when someone who doesn't really know me is kind to me. In the many fund-raising events I've done, it's so awesome when I get a donation from someone I don't really know -- maybe someone who I've just stumbled across thanks to social media. I put those kinds of people -- people who are just genuinely kind -- in a special class. I really respect their generosity. More than once, that kind of generosity has led to a treasured friendship. In fact, I got to know Craig, who I've blogged about so often, because, even though he didn't know me, he volunteered to help me at a Light the Night fundraising event for Leukemia. I got to know my friend, David, because he sent in a donation when I was fundraising for Leukemia. I only knew him as a "virtual" friend from a social networking site, but he has been one of the most generous and supportive friends I've ever had. It's those kind of people who I admire beyond words.

However, since my Cuddle Party post, I've been thinking a little more about boundaries when it comes to intimacy with strangers. Physically touching someone you don't know may be too much. At the very least it can seem disingenuous. Without having emotional intimacy, physical intimacy just seems inappropriate.

In this latest video from RAK, there's a woman who high-five's strangers and another one who sings "You are my Sunshine" to strangers. Another guy gives out flowers... giving two: one to keep and one to give to someone else. I know that when people on the sidelines of a race high-five me or cheer for me, I feel so wonderful and supported! It's awesome that strangers take the time to do that!

But...it is a little different if they don't really know you at all. Even the people on the sidelines at the marathon at least know I'm running a race so they are showing their support and that is so cool. But, I have to admit, I'd find it a little odd for a stranger on the street to offer up a hand looking for a high-five. I'd be thinking, "Did I just do something great that I don't know about?" or "Am I supposed to know this person?"

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking the video or it's intentions. It's beautiful and sweet and I'm convinced that showing kindness randomly will absolutely make the world a better place. But while getting a a high-five, song, or a flower from a stranger would make me feel happy, I know the givers are doing it because they are kind, not because I am anyone special to them. And that's perhaps why "cuddling" or even hugging, now that I think about it, doesn't really seem appropriate. I don't think I'd get comfort getting a hug from someone who doesn't know me at all.

On the other hand, when a person doesn't know you personally, but has been exposed to you and what you might be going through, it can be very special. For example, at Craig's funeral, I felt such comfort in hugging and crying with his friends and family. It was a common grief for a man we all loved that bonded us, even though we were strangers.

Sometimes I'll get a kind response to a blog post or I'll get a nice email from someone who has read The Laptop Dancer Diaries. I get really excited to get emails from strangers because I know the person isn't just "being nice" because they're my friend. They are responding to something I wrote, so I feel like they know that part of me and I am so grateful when they share a little piece of themselves back with me. It's a little bit of intimacy... a shared bond of understanding that may or may not lead to a friendship. But for that moment, anyway, it feels wonderful.

But do we really want to be touched by someone who doesn't know us at all? Well... I'm not as crazy about the whole "Free Hugs" movement as I used to be. I don't have anything against it, but I can understand now why it might be a little off-putting. I think I'll save the high-fives and hugs with strangers for times when I at least know the recipient is publicly celebrating or in need of support. And cuddling? Definitely overstepping my boundaries.

However being kind without touching is easy... There's a huge virtual world out there of people who'd love to get a comment on their blog of shared understanding. There are millions of people who would love to get a genuine smile from a stranger. You can touch someone very deeply without "touching" them at all.

Cuddle Parties? Would you go?

I like to think that I'd try just about anything once... well, as long as it didn't go against my values. I like to experiment with unusual, funky things, especially when it comes to relationships or communication. And, of course, I love a good theme party. So, when I was invited to a "cuddle party," I was intrigued. If I were still writing The Laptop Dancer Diaries, it would be just the kind of thing I'd do as an "adventure."

But, I have to say, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed mildly creepy! I wouldn't know anyone at this party. I barely know the person who invited me.. just met her once at my writing group. And to be honest, she's not a person I particularly feel like cuddling with. I mean, the best thing about cuddling is enjoying the person you're cuddling with. Cuddling with a complete stranger? This does not sound appealing to me. It sounds embarrassing and weird.

It's funny that I'm having this reaction because not too long ago, I had a big debate with my family about a Free Hugs event I was attending. I was a member of a Random Acts of Kindness Meetup Group and at the event, we were hanging out on a street corner with "Free Hugs" signs offering these hugs up to strangers. (This originated from this popular Free Hugs YouTube video.)

I, of course, was arguing in favor of giving "free hugs." It's been proven that we all need touch. What's the big deal if it's a stranger? My parents thought it was weird. My mother warned me of all the dangerous people out there, telling me of some story where a poor woman was accosted. I assured her I would not be in any danger and told her that the trouble with the world is that we're all so afraid of "strangers" that we don't even smile at them. If we could all just trust one another, the world would be a better place.

My Dad just thought it was stupid. He wasn't really concerned about safety. He just thought there was no point in hugging strangers. I told him that's probably because he had plenty of family and people who hug him all the time, but if he didn't, he may think differently. No, he assured me, it's just stupid.

Of course, now that I'm thinking about this cuddle party, I'm finally getting my Dad's point. Cuddling isn't that far off from hugging. I can't say I get cuddled with nearly as much as I'd like, yet still, I do not have any desire to cuddle with a stranger. What's next? Kissing strangers? (Actually... There is the whole mistletoe tradition which I don't really mind as long as the person under the mistletoe is somebody kissable...) But... cuddling... That just seems like it should be reserved for kids and intimate partners and maybe cute pets or pillows.

What do you think? Is cuddling too intimate to do with a stranger? Would you go to a cuddle party?

What about hugging? Would you give a free hug? Would you take one if it were offered to you by a stranger?