The moments of life... The moments of love..

I found this video (a production by Will Hoffman) on The JackB blog. He says "This video is going to lead to many blog posts."

I've been struggling with maintaining focus for this blog... First it was just random stuff, then for the past three months it's been about The Love Project. This quarter, it will be about dating since I have the new Boulder Dating Adviser column on examiner.com.

This video isn't about dating so it may appear I'm already losing my focus! But stick with me here.

I'd like to redefine dating. When we think of "dating" we typically think of singles, rejection, stress, online dating and all the awkward, uncomfortable stuff that comes with new dates. But dating shouldn't be like that! Dating should be filled with beautiful moments. Dating should be sharing all those moments that fill you with happiness with someone else. Dating should be about smiles, relaxation, living in those moments... Not wasting them worrying, judging, or trying to figure out whether or not you'll go out again.

I've thought a lot about my relationship with my friend who died from ALS, Craig. I always looked forward to seeing him, even when he couldn't move or talk. He always was happy to see me. He found a way to flirt and play, even when he couldn't talk. He was so "alive" even when he was dying.

Once Craig knew he was dying, he told me he wouldn't "date" anyone. And it's interesting that when he became "safe"... when there were no worries about rejection or "dating," I had more fun with him than ever. It's the stupid "date" word that can often get in the way of us just enjoying the company of one another. We are too worried that if we're not a perfect match, we will either eventually get hurt or hurt someone else. It's too bad we can't just learn to love in the moment... love like we were dying.

I learned from watching Craig never to take life or people for granted. Dating isn't only for singles. It isn't only for romantic couples. Dating is for everyone. Enjoy dating. Enjoy people. Enjoy all the beautiful moments of life and love.

Love Like You Were Dying

I've always loved the lyrics to Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Were Dying."

Craig taught me not just to live but to love like I was dying. Here's my rendition of the lyrics:

Love Like You Were Dying

He said: "I was in my later forties,
"With a lot of life before me,
"And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
"I spent most of the next day,
"Wondering what I could say,
"Talking about the options and talking about sweet time
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end?
How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?
What do you do?

And he said: "I went bike riding, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"Took trips with kids from here to Timbukto.
"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I didn't waste any time crying."
And he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To love like you were dying."

I thought "I've been looking for perfection,
"Worried about rejection.
"Meaningless distresses I've been thinking of.
Now I gave myself permission,
To start a new tradition,
And I called each night to tell him of my love
And I finally read the Good Book,
And I took a good long hard look,
At what I'll do when I can do it all again,

And said:

"I'll go bike riding, I'll go rocky mountain climbing,
"I'll never shy away from saying 'I Love You.'
"And I'll love deeper and I'll speak sweeter,
"And I'll give the passion I've been denying."
And I said: "I'm glad I got the chance,
"To love while you were dying'.

Junk Food, Fun, and Funking Off

I admit it. I've been in a huge funk for the last couple of months. It's probably been apparent in my lack of blogging and my general malaise or seriousness in most of what I write. There used to be a time when I made an annoying pun with practically every sentence. I used to flirt with just about everyone I met, regardless of their gender, age, or availability. I used to laugh at stupid stuff, enjoy silliness, make up games for everything, and fill my house with cheesy decorations for every occasion.

I figure today is a good day to really snap out of the funk, because today is the day we celebrate my brother, Chris. He would have been 49 today. One of Chris' best traits is that he was "fun." I can't ever remember him being in a bad mood. He was known for how laid-back he was... nothing could ruffle his feathers. He died in a car accident at the age of 35, but in that short life he lived more than most of us ever will. Always full of energy, he was up for anything. On both his birthday (today) and the day he died (May 30... Memorial Day!), we celebrate with memories and traditions.

One of the traditions on "Uncle Chris Day" is to eat junk food. When Chris visited, he would fill my pantry with unhealthy snacks so he'd have stuff to munch on. I used to bug him about this as I had to ward off my own children from food that was off-limits to them. But now on September 28th (OK...maybe on a few other occassions, too) we don't worry about eating the "healthy" thing, but enjoy steak or pizza and Hostess HoHos in Chris' memory. We remember to savor sweet tastes, soak in the sunshine, and smile at strangers.

So, today is a day to "Funk Off!" (How's that for the annoying pun?) I will get back to my regular blogging and overuse of exclamation marks! I will resume inappropriate flirtations with everyone I meet! I will fill my house with witches that cackle, skeletons that glow, and ghosts that drive everyone crazy with their screams... but only after filling up on junk food!

My heart has been so heavy with sadness. But today I remember how Chris never brought us down with sadness. Of course, if he'd been alive to experience his death, we would have seen how chipper he would have been! But, we all knew he would have figured out a way to keep his humor, even in the face of death. He actually had a hearse that he'd made into a "party car" with a massive stereo system and a vanity plate that said DOA. It was center stage at his memorial service, blasting rock & roll music, as we all danced and remembered what life was all about.