Monday, October 11, 2010

Ten Reasons Why it's NOT About You - Say No to Rejection!

It's pretty easy to feel rejection... someone doesn't call us back, we don't get invited to a party, we didn't get the job we were sure was going to be offered.

A few years ago I learned a technique that really has helped me when I get that rejected feeling... You have to start by having confidence, which can be especially difficult if you feel like you've been "rejected" a lot. It's like a downward spiral that you have to break your way out of. But let's say you've done all your self-help homework and you feel good about who you are, flaws and all. Now, instead of feeling "rejected," you kind of have to feel a little sorry for the person who is going to miss out on YOU.

So... let's take the example of having a first date. It seems like everything went great! You like him and he seems to like you! But then... all goes quiet. Why? The old insecure self would go through all these scenarios in your head, most of them about you... you said the wrong thing. He thought you were too old or fat or ugly or short. Instead, think about these 10 very possible reasons why you haven't heard from him:

1) His email to you is going to your spam file. Believe it or not, this has happened to me on at least 3 occasions. Or the opposite has happened. I've contacted him and gotten upset that he hasn't responded and it's because my email landed in his spam box.

2) She lost your contact information or is having trouble deciphering it. Though unlikely, this does happen, especially if you write your number on a napkin in a tipsy state.

3) He died. OK, this one is highly unlikely, but we cannot omit the possibility. It did happen to Miranda in a Sex and the City episode. It was the only explanation I could come up when I didn't get a response from Mr. February in The Laptop Dancer Diaries.

4) She's sick. A little more probable than reason #3. There are other things (family emergencies, unexpected travel) that fall into this category of "extenuating circumstances."

5) He's not over his last girlfriend. He had a great time, but realized he just wasn't ready to move on. Or maybe she called and they got back together. Bitch!

6) She's very attracted to you, but you are so much like her ex that she knows she would repeat the same mistakes she made with him and she wants to break the pattern.

7) He has little kids and is busy with work and parenting. Your lifestyle is totally different. He realizes he wouldn't be able to give you the attention you deserve.

8) When she meets you, she realizes that she knows your ex. She doesn't want to cause drama.

9) He knows you blog and write about dating and he doesn't want to be the subject of your next blog post.

10) She is totally intimidated by your good looks and intelligence.

I could go on and on here. But let's say it's what you fear most. He/she didn't like you because of your [name your biggest insecurity.] The thing is, if you still have that [big insecurity], the problem may be that you are giving off vibes that you are insecure rather than confident! And that may be the reason he doesn't want to see you again. That's why it's so important that you feel good about yourself. So figure out those [big insecurities] and get over them! You are beautiful!

The point is, don't automatically assume the worst when you don't hear from him. Just assume he died.

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