Thursday, March 17, 2011

Crowdsourced Matchmaking: Hook Up Chas for $10K

Yesterday my friend Kay let me know that the Boulder Examiner was looking for writers who liked to write about dating and relationships. The application asked for sample writing of a 200-300 word article to be written in the 3rd person.

Meanwhile, my friend Shirley tagged me on Facebook with a link to, so I figured that would be the perfect story for my application (See below). Now, of course, I plan to write a "first person" application to Chas telling him why I'm the perfect candidate (or perhaps introducing him to his future wife).. but that will come later. In the mean time, if any of you lovely ladies are interested in Chas, let me know, and I promise to give you a good percentage of the $10K when you marry him... at least $100!)

Oh, and PS. I got the Examiner gig! I'm the new Boulder Dating Adviser!

Hook Chas Up and Win $10,000 Bucks

Gone are the days of settling for a local as your life-long partner. Thanks to the Internet you can search the whole World Wide Web for your soul-mate. Don’t want to do all the work yourself? Why not solicit some help from all those lurkers in cyberspace just waiting to meddle? Chas (of has come up with the idea of crowdsourcing his matchmaking services, offering ten grand to whoever introduces him to the future Mrs. Chas.

Chas says, “I work a lot and never had much luck with online dating.” When questioning himself on his “About” page about why he’s 40 and still single, he answers himself, “Thanks to a decade of ‘life coaching’ and some insightful relationships, I can honestly say I’m ready to start a family. For realz.[sic]”

Note: I feel I must explain that the [sic] indicates that I know Chas misspelled "realz," though I think this was purposeful to be kind of cool. I was not in any way judging him by thinking it was sick of him to say "realz." However, if I had been thinking it was "sick" and misspelled it "sic," an editor might add yet another [sic] as in "For realz. [sic [sic]]."

His Website sports some GQ-like quality photographs of himself in various poses. One has him reading a Shel Silverstein book in a king-sized, goose-down comfy-covered bed. In another he’s wearing shoes, wet jeans and a green polo shirt strolling through the San Francisco Bay. In a third, he’s sitting in a red chair in his backyard, wearing a 3-piece suit holding a photograph of his revered “Important Monkey.” (Could the 3-piece suite represent "monkey suit"?) There are eight photos in all, each showing Chas in his glorious uniqueness as he goes through his daily routine.

Chas clearly is not an ordinary man. Ordinary men would probably take their shoes off when wading in the ocean. Ordinary men would probably name their monkey a monkey-like name. Ordinary men would probably not advertise their email address and a $10K prize to a world which includes weirdoes, scoundrels, con-artists and spammers.

Ordinary men will find ordinary women. I suspect Chas will find just the extraordinary wife he’s looking for.


rebecca @ altared spaces said...

I like the bit about the shoes.

Yvette said...

Is that the only part you liked, Rebecca? What about the monkey name? What about the spammers? What about the $10K? What about my new examiner gig? ;-)

Just kidding, Rebecca! I know you liked every word!

Shawn Deny said...

Thanks to a decade of ‘life coaching’ and some insightful relationships, I can honestly say I’m ready to start a family.
matchmaking services