Showing off my RAK: Attention grabbing profile photos

This week the Love Project theme is Kindness in support of the Random Acts of Kindness promotion. There's this "Twibbons" Facebook App that helps spread the word by adding RAK WEEK to your profile photo. So, being a RAK supporter, I promptly did this without noticing that RAK WEEK ran right across my... uh... "rack" until I got a "Trying so hard not to make an inappropriate comment" comment from one of my Facebook flirt buddies.

Now, I don't normally advertise my "rack" but, hey, I love a double-entendre. I don't think the Twibbons people had that in mind when they designed the caption, but it works for me.

This reminded me of an online dating topic I've been meaning to blog about: Attention grabbing profile photos.

I've heard over and over that the biggest way to get any kind of attention with online dating is with the primary profile picture. Most people do a search and then scan through the photos looking for someone appealing. But what exactly is appealing?

As I wrote about in this blog post about what I find sexy in a photo, for me it's much more about the smile and the eyes than the body. And if I see a photo where someone is trying to show off their body, it's a downright turn-off. I tend to stay away from the profiles with photos of shirtless guys flexing their muscles -- not that I don't appreciate a good body. It just seems self-centered to post a photo that says: 'Look at how sexy I am!'

Of course, we all want people to notice how sexy we are while somehow remaining innocently unaware and humble. I was once helping a very muscular friend of mine get pictures for his profile. I told him to wear a form fitting shirt and I would snap a bunch of candid photos and hopefully, they would hint at his great physique without blatantly showing it off.

What kind of message does it send when women have revealing cleavage or suggestive clothing in their profile photos? Do men think "sexy" or "sleazy"? Do they ever get the same turn-off factor that I get, thinking she must be really into herself? I'll have to ask my male friends about this...

By the way.. This week starts Haley's 12-week-dating-challenge and I am SO on this! I had a really great match.com "first meeting" date last night, having lunch with witty OKCupid Bad/Good Boy today (maybe I'll get him to comment here), and two lunches planned for the week. I'm really looking forward to all of them! I'm back in the saddle!

Friday Funnies: Picture-a-Day Spoof - #love2011

This week on The Love Project we've been talking about Self-Portraits. My assignment was only ONE picture, but some people did a lot of extra credit! Check out this spoof on the picture-a-day videos like the type you can find here.

Make a Good First Impression With Your "Sexy" Photo

Why can't I find a guy like this on any of the online dating sites? Isn't he cute in this kind of non-assuming way? Nice eyes, nice smile.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it is amazing how much we "judge" based on a picture. This week we are talking about Self-Portraits on The Love Project, so I wanted to talk about the impressions we give and get, sometimes without even knowing it.

I've become a guest blogger for Pick The Brain (a site I really love about self-improvement.) Today they posted the article I wrote entitled: Three Free Sexy Secrets and one of those secrets was "a genuine smile."

Now, it is a nice little perk for me that Pick The Brain picks out the photo to go with the article (I'm quite lazy about that) and any good blogger knows that posts with photos get more traffic. (Once again, photos are an important differentiator in the world of social media.) But, the photo they picked was a closeup of two lips kissing. The first person who commented said:

"Good topic, bad picture – a little moist, no?"

Yup! I'm a little embarrassed to promote that article because I don't want people to think I picked out that picture.

Sexy stuff is what "sells" -- or so they say. More people will click through on blog posts if they see the word "sexy" or see the hint of a sexy picture. My whole point of that article, though, was that what is "sexy" (at least to me) is a genuine smile of a regular person... not two wet lips getting ready to kiss.

In the book, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell talks about the impressions we make, often without even knowing we are making them. When I see a public self-portrait of someone in an I'm-trying-to-look-sexy pose, I usually think, "They're kinda full of themselves." This is especially true if the context is an online-dating photo. There was one guy who's profile had a bunch of shirtless photos of him doing various exercises. Now true... he had a good-looking body and maybe some women would be impressed, but good body or not, publicly showing it off gave me the impression that this guy was self-centered. I would much rather date a humble, genuine guy with a few extra pounds than someone who is checking himself out in the mirror every 10 minutes

Of course, our first impressions might be wrong. I actually met this guy, and he didn't seem nearly as arrogant as I'd pegged him to be. We didn't end up dating, but I was glad I met him and to know that my quick judgment was not entirely accurate.

I've struggled with kind of a similar issue regarding my book, "The Laptop Dancer Diaries." I've had varied reactions from the title and the cover (designed by my daughter.) The title, of course, is a play on words, combining laptop and lap dancers. So people may think the book is about cyber sex or perhaps the diary of a stripper. I've worried about that because it's really about a woman who is abnormally close to her laptop (ie "geek") trying to be sexy. The review I got that I thought was most accurate was "Erma Bombeck meets Sex and the City." And while I often worry that readers will be disappointed when they find out the book is not all that "sexy," I'm always so flattered to get kind reviews such as this one.

In any case, whether we're talking about book covers, titles or photos, like it or not, we do judge, often without even knowing it. We are attracted to sexy. But sexy can mean different things to different people. For me, it's a smile. What is it for you?

Website Wednesday: Must See Inspirational Self-Portrait Websites

The theme of Week 4 on the Love Project is Self-Portraits. Check out these Websites for inspiration:

Blogs:
Love Project Participant MVP:

GirlNutkin in the BA: Week 4 on self-portrait

Lovely girlnutkin (aka Shirley Rivera) left a post and a self-portrait of herself at her father's gravesite, remembering and acknowledging the self-love he instilled in her. What a wonderful tribute! I was especially moved by this (in fact I'm sitting here in Starbucks with tears in my eyes) since I lost my father recently and also am so grateful for the love he showed me. So this month, I hope we can all learn to love ourselves, and also remember to thank those beautiful people in our lives that loved and accepted us unconditionally, giving us that precious self-esteem and confidence in ourselves.

Haley's Halo Self Portrait - a funny look at a self-portrait drawing. This Haley is obviously an angel/devil type. I'm gonna have to get her a copy of The Laptop Dancer Diaries.

Cool Sites:

5 Photo-A-Day videos
The True Love Project
Portrait Photos - A site which shows really beautiful self-portraits.
Portraits of Love - A site which sends family portraits to deployed soldiers around the globe.
Creative Self-Portraits on Flickr
Katharina Fösel's photostream

How to:

How to take a great self-protrait - Tips about taking great self-portraits. EBook available.
Expressing oneself with self-portraits - Article that explores the history of self-portraits.

Photography:

Make money with Portrait Photography!
Building a Successful Photography Business

Modeling:

The Bikini Model Program
The Official Fitness Model Program

Cool things you can do with your self-portrait photo

Here's the self-portrait I took for Assignment #4 of The Love Project. Oh dear. I notice the flash in the mirror behind me. I also think the photo's kind of grainy... Looks like I still have plenty of room for growth as a photographer, but that's OK. I'm posting this less-than-perfect photo anyway so you can see that the point isn't about taking a perfect picture... It's just about taking one you like. If you're not really happy with the results, keep trying until you get a photo you feel good about.

Once you've done that, save the photo somewhere on your computer that you can easily access because there are all kinds of times where it is really useful to have a photo of yourself that you like handy.

1) For Social Media

Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Blogs and the hundreds of other social media sites out there ask you to upload a photo. Of course, this is usually optional, but studies have shown that the people with photos get noticed! This is true if your looking for a job using LinkedIn, looking for a date on Match.Com, or looking for a friend with a common interest on Meetup.Com

2) For Online Dating Sites

Why is it that so many of the people on online dating sites have terrible primary photos? Seriously, I'm amazed at the number of people that either use a Webcam or are so far away in their photo that you can barely see their face! If you're going to get on the online dating sites then use an up-to-date good picture where you're smiling!

3) Special Effects

There are lots of cool websites that let you do funky things with your photo. You can experment with different colors or make your photo into a cartoon or do other special effects that are cool. I like using Picasa and experimenting. Of course, there are tons of photo editing software packages out there that will let you have some fun. And when you've played around with your photo, many of the packages let you post your altered picture to Facebook.

4) Photo Projects

Photojojo is an awesome site with all kinds of ideas for photo projects. How about making a Daily-Photo Emoticon Magnet? Take a photo of yourself with different expressions for your various "moods" and then you can highlight how you feel each day with a magnetic cutout. This is just one of the many creative projects you might want to make with your photo.

5) Give Yourself A Virtual Makeover

As I mentioned in Week 3's Beauty Website Wednesday lineup, Daily Makeover is a site which will let you upload your image and then experiment with different hairstyles and makeup virtually. This lets you figure out what you want before spending the big bucks on makeup and haircuts.

This week we're focusing on self-portraits, but many of the assignments that I'll be giving for The Love Project will involve photos. So start learning how to use that digital camera (I'm sure most of you already are ahead of me in that department) and start snapping some pictures of the people and places in your life that make you smile.

5 Cool Videos Showing Changes: Daily Self-Portraits

OK, people, my assignment for The Love Project this week is simple. All I'm asking for is ONE self-portrait. One. Not one a day. ONE. If THESE people can take self-portraits in the same place every day, you can take one! Check these out... I especially like the pregnancy one..

Assignment 4: Take a Picture of Someone You Love: You!- #love2011

We are starting Week 4 of The Love Project with a new assignment. Our theme this week is Self-Portraits.

Assignment #4: This week you're going to take a picture of someone you love: yourself! If you've been doing your assignments, you know you're absolutely gorgeous! Get out the camera, learn how to use that self-timer and show your beautiful smile to the world! Know that your smile makes the world a better place. Blog about it or post your picture to Flickr or some other photo site. Send me a link and I'll add it to Website Wednesday.

Extra Credit: Be creative!

Note: If you did last week's assignment feel free to reuse your "after picture."

Want some inspiration? Check out this video:

The True Love Project from Zack Seckler on Vimeo.

Photo albums make great gifts from the heart

I am all about gifts from the heart... In fact, that is going to be one of our future assignments. So I was really excited this morning when I saw this EXCELLENT deal from Mamapedia and Shutterfly: Only $10 for a custom photo book! That's a 50% savings on something that is already a steal. (And I am a very frugal shopper!) This sale is only going on for 3 days, so I had to interrupt our "beauty" theme to let you know about it. It's also great in that you get a $10 kickback for everyone that buys on your link! Wow!

I really like SmileBox, as well as a way to create custom photo greetings, and that's completely free. Check out this Happy New Year greeting I created using SmileBox.

So, if you're not already doing so, get out that camera and start snapping some photos of all the wonderful things you're up to this year. Photo books and Smilebox greetings make wonderful gifts of love!