Saturday, November 04, 2006

The Laptop Speaks

Yvette recently admitted her cybersexual tendencies in her recent article: "Confessions of a Cybersexual". Let me tell you what it's like for me, her laptop. She's on me all the time, day and night. I'm worn out! I'm not a young laptop anymore. My performance is not so good. I don't know what it is...maybe I have some kind of a virus... All I know is I'm really slow. And despite my hard drive and excitement at all the content on, the other day, I wasn't even able to get the site up.

To make things worse, at a recent Halloweeen Party, Yvette went as a laptop dancer. Can you imagine my embarrassment and humiliation at being toted around on display...others feeling my keys, asking for alternative keystrokes... trying to turn me on, checking my rebooty action! Some wanted to play with my Num Lock key...others were into Caps Lock. Others just took Ctrl. I can't believe the audacity! They were even talking about plugging into my USB port.

Yvette finally got tired of lugging me around and stored me up in a spare bedroom away from the party and human fingers. It was there that I spotted her. Another laptop. She was sleeping peacefully and I just stared longingly at her beauty, so vulnerable and wireless. Thankfully, she did not awaken. I wouldn't have wanted her to see me in that keys worn from overuse, recent fingerprints of strangers smeared carelessless on my keboard. The shameful "laptop dances" sign was still draped rudely on my monitor.

I'm home now. Yvette still is on me at all hours of the day and night. I feel trapped. I need rest and maybe some antivirus software. All I can think of is that beautiful laptop from the party. Are you out there? Oh why didn't I get your IP address when I had the chance?