As I prepare for the 4-Week Workshop I'm hosting, I continue to find wonderful resources! Really, every topic I'll be covering has a slew of books, courses, networks, etc. so trying to summarize each topic into key concepts is a bit of a challenge.
I was working on the section of Emotional Intelligence yesterday, and I came across this TED Talk by Susan David that I found insightful:
I subscribe to Susan David's Newsletter and I appreciate her insights on emotions. I'm not sure if she coined the phrase "Emotional Agility" based on the same Agile philosophies that I'm going to be talking about at my workshop, but I think she may have. She talks about the uncertainty we deal with in life. We experience ALL emotions and pushing aside the negative emotions is unhealthy.
Instead, David talks about being aware of our emotions and learning how to process them.
I talk often with my sister, Michele, about emotions and one day she was describing her irritation with a neighbor who was "always happy." I thought that was an odd thing to be irritated by. I'm irritated by people who seem to never be happy, so "always happy" seems like it would be refreshing! I wondered, since I'm talking about happiness so often, whether my friends might think the same thing about me!
Today the subject came up again when I was talking about this TED talk to Michele. We figured out that what really irritated her was not that her neighbor was happy all the time, but that it seemed like that she was expecting that of her. When Michele was unhappy about not being able to get a vaccine and the neighbor told her she'd be able to get one soon enough, she felt like her neighbor wasn't empathetic. There were other examples, but it really boils down to not wanting to be told how we "should feel."
This holds true even when we're talking to ourselves. We tell ourselves we "shouldn't feel upset" about something, because, after all, we have it so much better than other people. We "should put things in perspective and feel grateful."
In general, I do usually have those conversations with myself and I do think gratitude and putting things in perspective helps me "get over" whatever I'm upset about. But I also realize, depending on what I'm upset about, it takes some time to process disappointments or hurts.
I realize now, it's good to take some time to sit with sadness, anger, or hurt, and understand where those emotions are coming from. Often they might be triggered by some hurtful thing from my past that I might still have some insecurities about. Realizing this, I often recognize that my hurt feelings are in my head and weren't caused intentionally by someone else.
There's a free emotional agility quiz that's available on Susan David's site that will help you gain more self-awareness into your own tendencies. Check it out!
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Very insightful. I just discovered Susan David last month through the Brené Brown podcast (https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-dr-susan-david-on-the-dangers-of-toxic-positivity-part-1-of-2/). In the podcast she talked more about her stance on toxic positivity and how it relates to her father, which I found heartbreaking. Some of her points about her childhood and her father reminded me of Barbara Ehrenreich's book, "Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking has Undermined America." Ehrenreich's book applies a structural lens to the culture of positivity--she is a sociologist--and talks about the history of positive thinking in the US. She draws broad strokes at times but I think it's interesting learn more about the different ways that people and institutions sanction certain emotions over others. Your blog post demonstrates another way that this can play out in our every day lives and how it can be different, even for siblings. Thanks again for another great post!
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