Looking for Game Players!

I LOVE games! I make up games for just about anything. It runs in my family. We played lots of games when I was a kid, and I play a lot as an adult. In fact, I'm seriously thinking of creating a "Complicated Relationship Game."

It's kind of funny that one of the most popular things that I find on online dating profiles is something like: "I don't want someone who plays games" or "I don't play games." Now, I know they're talking about being "manipulative" or "dishonest" or some other negative behavior, but it's a shame this gets labeled as "game-playing."

Dating Goddess blogged about this herself, wondering if setting boundaries would be considered "game-playing"to some.

Personally, I think games are wonderful, even in dating! I love playfulness. Flirting, itself, is a game. In fact, the whole process of courtship and dating can be a bit of a game. You play a card and you see how your date responds. They play a card and then you respond. What fun would it be if you just laid all your cards on the table?

David Wygant, a popular male relationship coach also recommended playing on a first date. He writes:

One of my favorite things to do on this date is to play a game. At every window at which you look, have each of you say what you would pick in the window if you could have (or if you had to take) one thing displayed there. Have fun with it. It’s also a great way to find out a lot about the other person’s personality.

So, what kind of games are the ones that get such a bad rap in dating? Maybe simply saying something to get the other person in bed would be considered a "game." Maybe acting very interested and then not following up... Maybe the "game" for many is just the chase... Once they've "caught you," they've won and they're on to someone else.

Yes, those are pretty hurtful behaviors, but part being good at the game of life and love is recognizing who you can trust and who you can't. When you meet someone, take the time to get to know them to figure out what kind of "games" they play. If you play the same games, you may just be in for a match made in heaven.

Book Club: Be Serious About Play

In the fifth chapter of The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin writes about happiness through play.

Before I get too critical, I want to give Gretchen credit for recognizing that 'play' is different for different people. Throughout her book she has made a vow to 'Be Gretchen' and for Gretchen, "fun" meant forming a book group that focused on children's literature. Her goals for "being serious about play" included:

• Find more fun


• Take time to be silly


• Go off the path


• Start a collection

Now, the collection thing did not sound like she was "being Gretchen" and she admits it really wasn't her "thing." She is not the kind of person that likes clutter. She gave it a try, though. What she means by "going off the path" was to try new things. For her, that was reading new magazines. Though she was learning by reading, she says she "dreaded reading the unfamiliar magazines." The only goal that sounded remotely "fun" was "take time to be silly" and Gretchen only mentioned one moment of silliness when she made "google eyes" with a couple of clementines while unloading groceries. A big chunk of this chapter were blog comments and even those did not seem related to "fun" or "play."

This chapter didn't seem to have much about happiness from 'play' at all. It was about learning and growth, which can bring happiness, but in my mind, 'playing' is stuff like snowball fights, tickling, big belly laughs, and dancing without inhibition. Play is all about getting in touch with your inner-child. Of course, even as a child, I was wrapped up in books and I would guess the same is true of Gretchen. So maybe people like us never got in touch enough with our inner-child even when we were children! But I have to tell you, I have learned to enjoy my inner-child (sometimes with the help of an especially good margarita or lemon drop martini) and I wish I'd done a lot more playing in my life.

I really understand Gretchen's goal-setting habits so I understand why, despite the irony, she would want to "be serious about play." But I don't think she quite accomplished this goal -- at least not from what I read in the chapter. To really accomplish this, I think she needs to throw away the goal sheet, grab herself her favorite alcoholic beverage, get with the people she loves the best, and smile, joke, tease, cuddle, tickle, laugh and really play.

Those goals and books will be there tomorrow, Gretchen. Forget about being serious about play. Forget (for a little while anyway) about being serious at all. Just play! Now that is what I call fun.