Love in the Time of Corona

This is not my typical blog post. I normally don’t talk about my love life anymore. Granted, that’s because I don’t have much of a love life. But sometimes, life throws you a curveball.. Or a corona-virus.. And the unexpected happens.

My last blog post ended with a cliff-hanger! After safely sheltering in Sarasota (my snowbird sweet-spot), I was preparing for a road trip back home to Colorado, to be taken with a man I’d never met!

I can understand why taking a 4-day road trip with a man who I’d only virtually met (from an online dating site, no less!) during a pandemic would raise some eyebrows.

First of all, there’s the question of why I was even on match.com when I really hate online dating.  Here’s the answer: In my 17 years post-divorce, some of my best friends are guys who I originally met from online dating.  “Though romance is a nice fantasy,” I put on my profile, “friends with possibilities is much more likely.”

Once the lockdown began, the last thing on my mind was dating, and I was happy to have the excuse to not meet anyone because of the pandemic. In “normal” times, there’s always the annoying voice in my head pressuring me to “get out there,” but thanks to Corona, I was able to stay home, indulging my inner-nerd with virtual happy hours and Netflix.

However, Gregg charmed me with his wit and playful emails, and I admit, I’m a sucker for a skillful writer with a good sense of humor. I insisted that I was only interested in friendship, and Gregg agreed to be my “virtual man friend” rather than “boyfriend.” (We both thought “boyfriend” was a ridiculous term for people of our age, anyway!)

There were so many reasons we could not be in a romantic relationship…  We lived in different states, he was nowhere close to retiring, and there was a pandemic going on. We probably wouldn’t even be able to meet in real life! Gregg also hadn’t even dated since his divorce, one of the many “red flags” in my book.  And yes, I know I have plenty of my own red flags which I won’t mention, because I like to give the illusion that I’m perfect.

Once romance was off the table, it was a little easier to share all the stuff we normally wouldn’t put on a match.com profile. Gregg bought my book, “The Laptop Dancer Diaries” (Oh dear, very embarrassing!) and he sent me and Becky CDs of music he’d written and had published in his younger days (Impressively talented! - Now that’s something he should share on his profile!) 

Becky and I listening to Gregg's music

Gregg teased me that I had a lot to learn about romance and I teased him that he had a lot to learn about technology… seriously, he couldn’t get his camera working on our first zoom call? Suspiciously “convenient”..  Luckily he figured it out or that would have been the final red flag! 

Gregg wanted to meet (take a socially distanced walk?) but I did not want a meeting to “assess chemistry.” I get that it’s important to do that, if you’re going to “date” but what’s the point of assessing chemistry if you know you’re not going to date? I hate that judgmental part of dating, and honestly, my chemicals are not reacting much to anyone these days. It was a relief to not worry about whether or not he was physically attracted to me, either.

There was one virtual call where I did dress up, though. I was taking part in the GISH Scavenger Hunt, and one of the missions was to dress to the nines and have a virtual kiss on a zoom video call! I quickly grabbed that mission and Gregg agreed to help me achieve the goal! He even sang one of his songs for me and I have to admit, the whole experience was sweet and endearing, romantic and nerdy all at the same time. Despite myself, I was starting to get hooked.

When it was getting close to the day I needed to drive home to Colorado, Gregg was frustrated that we might never meet. I told him if he were retired, maybe he could drive with me, and he surprised me then by saying he could get off work and help me drive home, if I wanted him to.

Though I had a lot of mixed feelings about this, I decided to take Gregg up on his generous offer. I’m a nervous driver and it’s about a 30-hour drive.  By this time, Gregg and I had talked for hours and he knew about my weird idiosyncrasies (he read my book, after all) and I trusted him completely. But this would mean stepping out of the “safety” of a virtual relationship. There was both the potential of being exposed to the coronavirus and even more worrisome for me, there were risks of the heart.

I am SO glad I said, ‘yes,’ to this offer.  Despite my typical overly-cautious self, especially with anything related to dating, I decided to live by the mantra I’m always touting: Seize the Day. (Actually almost a week!)  What would have been an extremely stressful, long, lonely, scary drive turned out to be one of the most enchanting adventures I’ve ever had.

I worried about the first meeting, not wanting there to be any awkward disappointment if we were different than imagined. I asked Gregg if we could wear costumes or masks and I’d video the “big reveal.” It turns out he looked Super HOT! (Who wouldn’t be in this getup?)

There was no awkwardness. Gregg looks better in person than on zoom calls. And we never ran out of things to talk about! We probably shared more in those four days of driving than we’ve ever shared with anyone else. I wouldn’t normally reveal all of my weirdnesses. But it was OK, because Gregg was sharing, too. (And, again, we’d already shared a lot back when we thought we’d never meet.) 

We’ve both been through a lot  -  deaths, heartbreaks, problems with health, finances, family, jobs, rejections, disappointments.  We talked about good stuff, too. Love, pride in our children, overcoming hardships.  We agreed that we each have lived a full, good life. A full life is going to come with “baggage,” but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. We’ve learned from all of those experiences.

Since we both like to write, we talked about co-writing a sequel to my book. It would be sort of a When Harry Met Sally in their 60’s,  post-divorce and in the midst of a pandemic. (I’m very hesitant about this because one embarrassing book is enough.)

Whether we write any more about it or not, though, it is the stuff of fairy tales and romcoms. Gregg drove almost the whole way without complaint. (He kind of insisted after he’d experienced a couple of hours of my driving..) This was such a relief since there was a lot of heavy rain which totally freaks me out, so he may have literally saved my life.

Entering Colorado!

He also brought wine, cheese, fruit, and music for our evening Happy Hours and one evening gave me a necklace with “Y” and Pi Symbol charms - another example of his thoughtful catering to my geeky personality. After we got to my house, he went out to get food and came back with roses.

Gregg’s sweet protection, his thoughtfulness, and his vulnerability opened up my heart after all. (He IS a master at romance!) Little by little, I realized that behind all of those red flags and barriers that I put up, we’re just two people who want to be loved. Life is short and I don’t want to spend what’s left of it protecting myself from heartbreak.

In the Epilogue of The Laptop Dancer Diaries I’d written in the last paragraph:

“Love like a child that’s never been hurt. Reach out your arms and give of your heart. Trust that whether it lasts for a minute or for a lifetime, it will be worth it.”

Totally worth it.