Final Lyrics of Hallelujah.. This time for Craig

I'm thinking of starting up a new business: Hallelujah Lyracist. I originally rewrote the lyrics for my 50th birthday. The second stanza was in honor of both my Dad and Craig:

Your faith was strong, despite the pain
Not for a moment did you complain
The sickness seeping deeper and deeper through you
You smiled from your wheeled chair, you wrote a book of dreams you shared
And from your lips you still prayed, Hallelujah



Yes... my Dad and Craig had a lot in common... They both never complained despite all the pain they were going through. They both were in wheelchairs in their final months. They both wrote books about their lives. They both kept their faith.

Craig, who was at my party, told me he was honored. He asked me if he could take the idea and rewrite the song again-- this time for his three children. He hired Greg Greer, someone who became a friend of his in his final months, to sing the song and it was played at his wake with pictures of Craig and the many happy times he'd had with his kids.

My Dad loved the song, too. So when he died, my Mom asked if I'd rewrite the lyrics again, to be played at his service. (Nothing like a little pressure!) But I did and felt happy with the results.

Now, of course, being such an experienced Hallelujah-lyracist, I decided to do one more version... This one is for Craig. I'd like to get someone to sing it (either Brian Thulsan or Greg Greer) and get enough pictures of Craig so I can do a slideshow just for him... but for now, here are the lyrics:

Hallelujah for Craig

Well, I heard there was a secret chord
To teach us love and it pleased the Lord
It's a story I learned well from having known you.
And so I'll try to spread your gift
And hope your loved ones' spirits lift
New words for you, the blessed Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

When we first met, your smile bright
You volunteered for Light the Night
Your helping hands, I saw a friend within you
You teased me with your twinkling eyes
Part-time flirt, but always wise
Your heart so full of joyous Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

The day I heard the tragic news
I told the Lord I was confused
How could He put this awful fate before you?
Had He not seen your love so strong?
Had He not heard you sing your song?
Words full of trust and faithful Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You told me not to be afraid
You knew He'd heard all that you prayed
His plan unknown but always sure He loved you
There came a time you couldn't walk
You couldn't eat, you couldn't talk
But from your lips you still prayed Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

My cross I'll always proudly wear
You taught me that God hears my prayer
My faith forever strong from having known you
I saw you died with peace and grace
I saw the love upon your face
It's a warm and it's a joyous Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah for Dad

It started when you were just a boy
Your devilish grin the girls found coy
I bet you broke some hearts before we knew you
But then you really found romance
From the girl you met at that college dance
And when she smiled your heart sang Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Married now with a brood of four
No family could ever want for more
Our love for you was more than I can tell you
You challenged us to do our best
Our life with you was truly blessed
It's a warm and it's a lovely Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Proud and strong, you never cried
Until the day our brother died
Behind closed doors, it broke my heart to hear you
You wore for us a firm, brave face
And consoled us all with your embrace
And in your arms we all cried Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

When sickness struck despite the pain
Not for a moment did you complain
The cancer seeping, deeper and deeper through you
You smiled from your wheeled chair
You wrote a book of dreams you shared
And from your lips you still prayed Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I know there is a God above
Who’s filled our lives with joy and love
And now we feel sure that He is with you
No longer will you feel pain
The son you lost, you’ve found again
It's a warm and it's a joyous Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah - New Lyrics

I love the music of the song Hallelujah, but the lyrics are sad so I've rewritten them.

Hallelujah - The Love Song


Well, I heard there was a secret chord
To teach us love and it pleased the Lord
So I vowed to learn and tell the story to you.
Well it goes like this: you find your gift
And when you fall, you know you'll lift
The baffled girl composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, your faith was strong; despite the pain
Not for a moment did you complain
The sickness seeping, deeper and deeper through you
You smiled from your wheeled chair
You wrote a book of dreams you shared
And from your lips you still prayed Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Friends I've seen you here before
I've seen you cry as we've walked this floor
You know, I was alone before I knew you
And now we've grown as we embrace
We've learned to run a victory race
It's a warm and it's a lovely Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well there's a time I know I'm blessed
I gaze upon my babes at rest
And know my love is more than I can tell you
I remember when the babe was you
And now you're grown and have one too
And every breath it's true is Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I know there is a God above
And all I've ever learned from love
Was how to find somebody who saw through you
To laugh and cry and hold at night
To find someone who's seen the light
It's a warm and it's a joyous Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Week 58: My 60-Song Playlist

My 60-song playlist is just about ready to take on the road! This has been a goal I've been working on throughout my 60-until-60 project :

Put together a playlist of at least 60 songs by gathering songs from friends

Throughout my project, as I've actively celebrated with friends and family, I've asked them each to pick out a song for my playlist.

I told them the song would serve 3 purposes:

1. I'd use a clip of it as background music for a slideshow of our celebratory outing
2. I'd add it to a playlist that I'd play on road-trips, at my party, or whenever I wanted to reminisce about this awesome 60-week project
3. I would think of them whenever I heard the song

The hardest part of creating the playlist was getting 60 people to pick out songs! Creating a corresponding .mp3 file turned out to be easy, thanks to this handy dandy free YouTube to .mp3 converter app. Then, I simply dragged into iTunes for my Playlist.

This is one of those goals that worked out much better than anticipated! Since I've been collecting these songs, I hear special songs all the time! Usually, I hear them on the radio when I'm driving, so I can't always text, but there have been times...  when I'm at a summer concert.. when I'm out at a pool or a beach.. or even out shopping..  when I've been able to record a clip and text a friend letting them know "our song was playing."  Here's the clip I took when "Desperado" was playing that will always remind me of BFF, Lisa, and the Don Henley concert we went to together at the Minnesota State Fair.

As I was compiling my songs this week and needed one more song to make it to 60, I remembered this version of Hallelujah, that I'd written for my Dad's memorial service.  This recording even has my friend, Brian, singing.

There are some other special songs on my list..  songs that I'll never hear on the radio because they were created by one of my musically talented friends.  My son, Matt's, song is a remix of two pieces that he combined.  Even though I'll never randomly hear these songs on the radio, I hope to play my 60-song playlist at least once a year. 

Listening to music is one of those things we all can do, no matter how old or sick we are.  Not to be morbid, but it does give me comfort to think that one day, I can be listening to my playlist on my deathbed!

I can see it now..  I'm in the hospital, my kids gathered 'round:
    Kids: "Go to the light, Mom!"
    Me: "Not until I listen to that play list one more time!"
    Kids: "Not AGAIN! That's almost 4 hours, Mom! Did anyone bring Mom's playlist? Mom, do you still even KNOW these people? Can we fast forward through this dorky one?"

Actually, I'll undoubtedly have more playlists with more "special songs."  I think I may make one of these playlists every year! So, be prepared, kids. I'm not going to the light without listening to my songs!

Speaking of playlists and special songs, I want to give a shout-out to my niece, Rebecca, and her Instagram page (vodkanvinyl).  She posts song of the day prompts every day and much more for the music-lover!

This goal really helped me have more of an appreciation for music and the varied tastes of the people in my life. I love that almost every genre of music is represented, from country to rap to classical. I discovered some new songs that I love and some new songs that, while not quite my taste, have expanded my knowledge.

More than anything, I love that I can conjure up special memories of special people with these songs. I'm leaving for a long road trip (Colorado to Florida) next Monday, so the 60-song-list will gets its first run-through from beginning to end!

My Love Party

On Saturday night, I finally had the party I'd been talking about for years. I've said many times that if I wasn't married again by the time I was 50, then I wanted to have a big 50th birthday party that would be like a wedding... Who needs a groom?

When I got laid off last summer, I realized the budget would have to be cut, but I was determined to still have a big party to celebrate love. I also figured I might as well celebrate my book release at the same time since The Laptop Dancer Diaries: A Mostly True Story About Finding Love Again is, indeed, a book about love.

The party was more than I could have hoped for. Better than a wedding! I didn't even have to share the attention with anyone! I was surrounded by so many friends and people I love. Yesterday, I basked in after-party happiness as I slowly cleaned up, coming across cards and gifts that were left for me. There just is no thank you note to express my gratitude, but I'll try. Here are some of the people I'd like to thank:

* All the people who played the "party game", sending music, photos, videos, and leaving love quotes on my party site. Special thanks to Lori Genuchi who not only scored the most points, but wore a beautiful gown with special meaning.

* Rebecca Ritter and her daughter, Miriam, who took took me shopping at Costco for all the party food.

* Lynn Tidd, the flower genius, who made the most beautiful flower arrangements ever!

* Mr. 2010 who worked to give me a beautiful basement stairwell, newly painted with recessed lighting before the party, took me shopping for all the booze, took pictures, served drinks, provided a party game, and basically was perfect in every way.

* Craig Dunham, the man who's taught me the most about faith and who came from Evergreen and dare-deviled his wheelchair over precariously steep steps -- and Kirk Ryder for helping him get here.

* All the friends and family who were remote, but still sent me emails, called me, or participated in the party, including Ian Usher, who even sent a video from Nepal.

* Rebecca Mullen who sent me the special Optimizer Elixir package and video to help me promote my book. Her support and encouragement is unparalleled.

* Brian Thulson who learned, sang, and recorded Hallelujah with the new lyrics so that I could create a slideshow put to music. (This also saved my guests from having to listen to me try to sing the song!)

* All the friends who brought creative cards and gifts representing love (satisfying both the inner-Devil and inner-Angel!) I had so much fun opening them and finding fun surprises!

* All the people who have read, critiqued, edited, bought, or were IN the book! Thank you for such support.

* Chris Tidd, my good-natured son-in-law with the wonderful sense of humor who managed to make me look forward to being the subject of a roast.

* My three incredible children: Meg Tidd, Matt Podlogar, and Scott Podlogar. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am, so I won't try. Just suffice to say that they were the best birthday presence ever.

The acknowledgment section of my book tells the story of a time I was lost on the first day of 3rd grade. My first grade teacher helps me and smiles such a warm smile and I vow to remember her smile forever. I told that story at my party and made "love notes" for my friends to remind them of a time they did a kindness for me that I'll keep with me always, like that smile.

Well, the party was a whole lot of smiles piled together into one enormous bear hug that comforts me so deeply. No matter what ups and downs life will bring, I will close my eyes and remember that feeling. No matter who moves in and out of my life, there is one thing I know will not change. I am loved. And just like Mrs. Lehman's smile, I will vow to remember that love and keep it with me forever.

Remember the love

I don't remember the exact quote that Mark Tidd, the pastor at Highlands church made one day. It was something like:

"God bless the people who are suffering from broken hearts. If not for love,there would never be the broken heart. Let them remember the joy from the love they had."

It struck me that grief of any kind is due to the loss of love; often the more we loved, the greater the pain when it's lost. But how great is it that we had that love! And must we really lose it? Even with a divorce, we can still keep the part of our heart that grew because of our love. If we have children, we have beautiful miracles that came from that love. It's a shame that so many people only remember the worst in their ex's instead of remembering with gratitude, the love they once shared.

Friday night I went to Craig's wake and Saturday was the funeral. I've known for months he was planning all the events surrounding his death. He was a bit like a kid planning a big surprise party. I'd seen the gorgeous book he'd had presented to his kids, full of photos and stories of his life. He even got the idea of the Hallelujah song he made for them from the recording of the song I'd made at my 50th birthday party!

I spent the night at the Quality Suites in Evergreen with 25 members of his family that had come in from out of town. I remembered their names from what I call "Craig's List"... the list I used when I'd made the recording for a Thanksgiving surprise and they knew my name as well.

The Mass was the next day, Saturday, and then one final gathering and celebration back at the hotel.

How wonderful it was to share this common love we all had for Craig. Hearing the stories and memories was such a comfort. People would talk about how he "spoke with his eyes"; they'd reiterate that same spirit of determination and vitality that I was so inspired by; they'd talk about his faith; and most especially, they talked about the love of his children.

The deacon encouraged us to tell the stories over and over. He joked, speaking to one of the kids, saying "Ten years from now, you'll hear your sister starting to tell a story and you'll think, 'here we go again!' But keep telling them. When you grow up and have kids, tell them about your Daddy and when they grow up they'll tell their kids. As long as you tell the stories, you'll keep him alive."

I've been wondering if I've written too much about grief lately. I want this blog to be all about love -- inspiring and happy...not depressing. But, again, grief and love are related.

I learned so many lessons about love from Craig, so my posts about him are not over yet. As the deacon advised, I will be telling the stories often. He may be gone, but I am so keeping that love alive.

A father's approval means more than he knows

My Dad is definitely not one to gush or sugar-coat things. He has high standards. So when he gives praise, you know that it's earned. As kids, my siblings and I worked hard to gain his approval.

I know my Dad is very proud of me, but he's much happier about my professional achievements than my authoring a rather questionable book called the The Laptop Dancer Diaries. He stays away from my blog and when I asked him if he was going to read the book he said, "There are just some things a Dad doesn't need to know about his little girl." I'm cool with that. It's probably true that parts of the book would make him uncomfortable. But, of course, I'll never get over that feeling of wanting to make my Dad proud of me. Since he avoids my book and blog, there's been a little part of me that's wondered if he was ashamed or embarrassed by my openness. And I know he has mixed feelings about me being "out there" on social media, worried about privacy issues.

So even though I'd rewritten the lyrics of Hallelujah and created this slideshow that I'd put on YouTube, I hadn't given Dad the link, or even told him that I'd put it up there. I was really surprised that he found it and commented on YouTube:

"Wow! Phenomenal. I had no idea you  were such a great lyricist as well as your other talents. Super job.
Dad"

Dad sent me an email a couple days later telling me he'd had one of his good friends listen to the lyrics and told me they made him cry. Getting such high praise from my father really meant a lot to me. More than he probably realizes. I think it was especially wonderful that he put the comment on YouTube for all to see. I think it's the only time my Dad has ever put a public comment on a social media site, or at least on anything I've ever written. I hadn't even been aware that he even knew I had a YouTube account.

I know the slideshow needs work (including getting rid of that little hourglass where the mouse was when I recorded it!) Maybe some day I'll delete this version from YouTube and create a better version. But I think if I delete it, it will delete Dad's comment, and that's the part I treasure most.

There's a toast my Dad makes that he learned from his father. He made the toast at my brother's memorial party. Raising his glass first high, then low, then eye-level he said:

Never above you
Never below you
Always beside you
We love you, Chris

It was beautiful and moving and made me cry with emotion as we remembered my brother. But I think I'll always think of my Dad as "above me." He's my Dad! He deserves that spot up there. We don't relate as "peers." I am still his "little girl."

I doubt my Dad will read this.. though it's possible. If he happens to stumble across it some day, like he did the YouTube video, I hope he'll forgive me for blogging about him. So here is the public toast I make for him:

You guide, You teach, You understand,
You honor me with your praise

With respect and love, I'll take my wine
And to you my glass I'll raise

I love you, Dad