RSVPeeves

 

I’m usually very Polyanna-ish on my blog. I’m a big advocate for positivity, so I try and practice what I preach and not whine about little pet peeves.  On the other hand, I’ve noticed that I get the most attention (or hits) when my posts are negative. So today I’m going rogue and I’m going to complain full force about something that’s irritated me for years.  We’ll see if it works on getting me any more shares, follows, or comments than usual.  This is a very low bar, since I tend to only get spam comments on blog posts these days.  But that’s another peeve for another post.

My current peeve: What is up with our culture and RSVP’s? Maybe it’s a generational thing. I hate to sound like an uppity old lady telling people to “do the polite thing”..  I have no wish to lecture people on proper etiquette.  I’d much rather be the laid-back “It’s cool” kind of person in response to the lack of RSVPs I typically get when I host an event. But the truth is, I’m not laid back or cool about it, especially if I’ve requested RSVPs.

This was a problem well before Covid hit. I have long been insecure about attendance to the various parties I’ve hosted.  However, as an enlightened woman (and very experienced in rejection due to online dating) I’ve written quite a bit about this topic.

In So You Don't Get an Email Response - Big Deal!

 I very wisely wrote:

People don't RSVP for parties. People don't respond when you ask for a favor. People don't respond when you invite them to lunch. You start thinking your friends don't really care about you. They'd rather play Farmville on Facebook with their 538 friends than respond to a personal invitation from you. Yeah, you see them out there updating their status with [insert random trivial Facebook status update here] so obviously it's not a question of being too busy and obviously they're on their computer. They just care more about chit-chatting about nothing on Facebook than spending time with you!

If the above is the kind of thing that goes through your head when you don't get a response, you're falling into victim mode. You're taking it personally... making their lack of response all about you. It could be they are just really bad at managing their email. Or maybe they figure you have lots of friends, and they're just one of a crowd to you. Pick up the phone. Let them know they are special to you before you get bent out of shape being upset that you are not special to them. Always start by giving the benefit of the doubt to the person you are feeling rejected by.

In Confidence is the Key to Success

 I wrote again about my desperation when I was hosting an event that no one seemed interested in. The event turned out better than expected and I, again, in my very wise reflection wrote:

The point is that we can NOT let our insecurities get the best of us! Whether we are dating, hosting an event, or doing anything else that brings us out of our comfort zone, we need to quiet that inner critic and remain confident. We need to hold our heads high and be proud. Whether we strike out or hit it out of the ballpark is not really the issue. As long as we DO it, whatever IT is, we will succeed. (Of course, now that my event was successful, it’s a lot easier for me to say that rather than the alternative, “I am NEVER going to do that again!”)

But now we’ve been in this pandemic for almost a year, and I, along with the rest of the world, am feeling a bit cranky.  Yeah, I’m supposed to be all “Carpe Diem-y” and not let trivial things like this bother me. (I am Super Carpe Diem Woman after all), but what I really want to say is: “Quit your whining about how bad it is that we can’t do anything anymore, you… whiners..., suck it up and at least RSVP for the damn virtual parties!”  

I’ve tried to host a variety of virtual events throughout the year in hopes to help people who are feeling isolated or lonely (including me!)  When I host something on Meetup, I don’t take it personally when people don’t show up. These people don’t even know me. But at the last event I hosted, 24 people said they were coming.  Knowing that Meetups are notorious for people just not showing up, I sent two emails asking for confirmation and only got 3 replies: 1 Yes, 1 No, and 1 Maybe. There ended up being only 4 (besides me) who attended. I don’t mind a small group, but what has happened to our culture when it’s OK just to ignore people? When it’s OK to RSVP yes and then not show up. It’s just rude! 

Since I love socializing and celebrating, I host a lot of things, and as much as I try to “be mature” and not let my insecurities get the best of me, it seems like there is always something that hurts my feelings.  Someone gets upset that I didn’t share who else is invited and if I do share, then someone gets upset that their email wasn’t kept private.  Someone thinks virtual parties are boring or “too sterile,” as one of my friends so bluntly told me.

When I sent out an invitation for my virtual birthday party coming up next week, I got this response: "It's so offensive that you sent this invitation when so many people are suffering... All you think about is yourself!"  

Ok, ok..  Before you get too outraged, I admit that was my own subconscious. Yes, it was only a disturbing dream.  But it shows you that I have yet to kill off those stupid insecurities that are running around in my head.

I know that we are all cranky and tired. I know that a nerdy introvert like me is much better at being fine with virtual parties. (Heck, I actually love that I don’t also have to worry about the food, my house, and every other aspect of party-throwing that I’m overly-insecure about.) And I know that little ol’ me is not going to change the direction of where our culture is headed with this blog post. Even my own children have told me that it's not personal, it's just the culture. "Not in OUR family's culture," I responded in a threatening Mom-like way. (Sadly, I don't seem to have much influence even with my grown-up kids these days, but.. that's yet another peeve..  Geez, I might write a whole series! It's feeling good to vent!)

My plea out to the Universe is to at least respond when you get a personal invitation. Remember that someone is trying to make a connection with you. If you can’t muster another virtual call or you don’t like virtual parties or you just don’t feel like going, then fine.. Maybe connect in some other way.  But it’s just not OK to ignore someone or to say ‘Yes’ to something and then not show up. Let’s not let this become a norm in our society. And if we can’t prevent it in our society, let’s at least prevent it from becoming a personal norm.

Rant over. Now it’s time for me to stress out about some other aspect of my upcoming party.