Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Can You Feel Intimacy From Blogging?

I've been quiet on this blog lately, thinking about why I blog -- what's good about blogging and what's not so good.

My life has been going through the usual ups and downs. One "good" about blogging about my life is that it's very therapeutic to write my thoughts down. I often journal privately and just the act of writing down my thoughts and feelings helps me think more clearly. My mood comes through. If I notice that my words are negative and that I'm in pity-party-mode, I play "therapist" with myself. If I'm in a happy mood, I write about why I'm happy -- the awesome things I'm experiencing and about the people I'm spending time with. Reading about these things when I'm in one of those down moods reminds me of how much I have to be grateful for and helps me snap out of the pity party.

Now, private journals are one thing, but blogging and making these feelings public can be... well, both good and bad. Exposing our vulnerabilities and making a connection with someone who understands what we're feeling is wonderful. You feel this intimacy with someone who you've never met.

There are bloggers and writers who have such a talent for enveloping me with their words of wisdom. So while writing and reading my own journals is nice, sharing with a fellow-blogger who is able to so clearly articulate exactly the feelings I'm trying to describe -- well, when that happens, I feel like I've met a kindred spirit out here in cyberspace who really understands me and it warms my heart.

I read a post this morning, Have You Found the Two Great Treasures of Blogging?, in which the author, Stu, talked about the importance of building "community" when we blog. I agree that this "community" and the virtual friendships I've made is probably the biggest benefit I've gotten from blogging.

What about romantic relationships? Can they develop from a virtual friendship? I know that I'm a sucker for the written word. One time I met a guy from online dating and we used to write these wonderful emails back and forth where we shared so much of our lives. He called it "eIntimacy" and I thought it was a very cool word. It's a new form of intimacy that really wasn't available to us before we had the Internet.

However, one of the things that makes "intimacy" intimate is that it's one-on-one and personal. When you are sharing with the world, it takes away from the intimate nature of the conversation. You are no longer sharing your feelings with someone special, you're sharing them with everyone, which actually seems to be the opposite of intimacy.

What do you think? Have you met virtual friends from blogging? Do you feel like blogging can enhance or detract from having an intimate connection with someone? Should our deepest feelings be saved for truly intimate relationships rather than airing them on a public blog?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Remembering Dad

Just remembering my Dad today...

Happy Father's Day!

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Looking for my soul mate, "Joe"

I don't put much stock into all this cosmic woo-woo stuff about love. I think there's something to be said for being positive, which is a lot of what "the law of attraction" is all about, but I have to resist from rolling my eyes when people start talking about soulmates and putting things out into the "universe." But let's face it. I've tried just about everything else, so I'm going to do what Arielle Ford suggests in her seminar on how to "manifest my soulmate." She says the first key is to have clarity in who I'm looking for. So here goes:

I want someone who has a genuine, friendly smile coupled with a mischievous, playful twinkle in his eye. We'll be able to look at each other across a room and share a secret look... a look that might say, 'I can't wait until we're alone' or maybe just say, 'I have gas. Aren't you glad you're over there?' His smile, his touch, his voice will make my heart beat faster and fill my stomach with butterflies. I'll love his words, his humor, his intelligence, and his kindness. He will most likely be a father, but even if he's not, he will love kids - being somewhat of a kid himself... loving to play and laugh, happy to join in any goofy game or activity.

My "soulmate" will laugh when I make a corny joke, hold me when I cry, and be happy to snuggle as we watch a movie or just read quietly together. He'll think I'm pretty even when I don't have makeup on and he'll find creative, personal ways to show me he loves me. He'll love it that I celebrate the anniversary of our first kiss, the summer and winter solstice, and every unusual holiday there is.

He will be handsome but humble, strong but vulnerable, confident but not arrogant. We will both be independent, keeping our hobbies and friendships... but we won't feel insecure or jealous when we're apart, because we feel sure of our mutual love for one another.

He will care about health and won't smoke or do drugs. He'll have a healthy mind and won't dwell on anger or past hurts or grief. And he won't be judgmental of others. He'll be grateful for his strengths, passions and skills, and won't act superior to others.

When we talk, we'll each listen and support one another. We'll never run out of things to say, but sometimes we'll be happy just laying quietly together.

We won't share all the same interests or passions, but it won't matter. We will find things we both enjoy -- maybe traveling or cooking (and definitely eating!). He'll be happy to teach me things and learn from me, too. He'll love to learn and when he's excited or has learned something new, he'll want to share it with me as soon as he can. He'll text or call just to tell me something trivial because he'll know that I'll love that he wanted to share it with me.

He will prefer summer to winter and love sunshine and beaches. He'll be excited to explore new places and find something fun to do whereever we go. But it won't really matter where we are... even if we're stuck in an airport with a 3-hour delay... we will have fun because we're together.

So there he is. Now I think I'm supposed to talk to this guy who's out there in the Universe somewhere... I think I'll call him... Joe... (Joe was my first boyfriend's name. And it does have a nice generic feel to it.) If any of you know Joe (oh yeah... he also has to be single and around my age) please let him know I'm looking for him.

OK, Joe. I know you're out there! Come find me before we get much older, please!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

7 Shockingly Interesting Dating Articles

My obsession with getting traffic for the Boulder examiner dating column has gone depressingly poorly. I have written something each day and always advertised to Twitter and Facebook, but the resulting page views have been completely unpredictable and, in many cases, quite low.

I read a bunch of stuff that tells things you can do to build traffic... comment on others' sites, get involved in networks, write "pillar" content, etc. etc. I'm going to focus on something new each week and see what happens.

This week, I read about the importance of the title (hence my rather embellished claim about the "shockingly interesting" articles I wrote last week.) But, hey... I think they're interesting. The one about checklists vs. intuition generated a lot of discussion on Facebook. Let me know what you think!

Which of these titles draws you in and makes you want to click on the link? Why or why not?


  1. 10 reasons Pearl Street is the best place to go on a date in Boulder
  2. Holidate idea: Search for the perfect eggs benedict
  3. Online dating: Bad experiences with Match.com
  4. Checklists or intuition? Deciding if you want to go out again
  5. Crepes a la Carte: French dining that won’t break the bank
  6. Celebrate free ice cream with a date at Ben and Jerry's!
  7. Learn to cook and impress your date with a romantic home-cooked meal

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Boulder dating roundup

I've really been having fun with my new side-"job" of Boulder Dating Advisor for Examiner.com. Admittedly, it's more like a hobby than a job, since it's virtually no money. But it can be kind of addictive to try and build traffic. With that in mind, I think I'll do a Sunday roundup on this blog.

I get about half-a-cent per page view, so if you see something you like, I'd love it if you'd check it out and help me spread the word by pressing the "like" button. It also would be wonderful to get some participation, so leave comments or questions on this blog or on my Facebook page and let's get some discussion going.

If you have a site, business or service related to the Boulder area or dating, let me know and we can exchange links or possibly think about doing some partner content.

Do you have dating question? Is there something you'd like to see more of? Let me know!

Dating for singles




Advice and ideas for couples or singles


Events in the Boulder area





Just for fun






Saturday, April 09, 2011

Ménage à trois anyone?

Last night a friend of mine hosted a French-theme party. Now I absolutely love theme parties. To really get in the spirit, I thought it would be fun to go as a Ménage à trois!

Oo la la!

I'm, of course, way too wholesome to carry this ruse to the bedroom, but I have to say, an evening of dressing up sexy and play-acting was certainly fun!

Have you ever done any "role playing" to have an evening of acting out of character? How was it?

Leave me a comment on the best date you had where you went "out of character" and maybe I'll write about it on my Dating Advisor column for examiner.com.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Online dating: How to get a woman to reply to a first email - Boulder Dating Advice | Examiner.com

Online dating: How to get a woman to reply to a first email - Boulder Dating Advice | Examiner.com

I love my new Dating Advice column at the Boulder Examiner. It would really be great to get more comments and participation, though. How about on this blog? Any dating questions? Have a dating dilemma? It's always fun to see advice from others, so help me out with a comment and give your point of view.

What would be your advice on getting someone to respond to a first email when you're online dating?

Sunday, April 03, 2011

The moments of life... The moments of love..


I found this video (a production by Will Hoffman) on The JackB blog. He says "This video is going to lead to many blog posts."

I've been struggling with maintaining focus for this blog... First it was just random stuff, then for the past three months it's been about The Love Project. This quarter, it will be about dating since I have the new Boulder Dating Adviser column on examiner.com.

This video isn't about dating so it may appear I'm already losing my focus! But stick with me here.

I'd like to redefine dating. When we think of "dating" we typically think of singles, rejection, stress, online dating and all the awkward, uncomfortable stuff that comes with new dates. But dating shouldn't be like that! Dating should be filled with beautiful moments. Dating should be sharing all those moments that fill you with happiness with someone else. Dating should be about smiles, relaxation, living in those moments... Not wasting them worrying, judging, or trying to figure out whether or not you'll go out again.

I've thought a lot about my relationship with my friend who died from ALS, Craig. I always looked forward to seeing him, even when he couldn't move or talk. He always was happy to see me. He found a way to flirt and play, even when he couldn't talk. He was so "alive" even when he was dying.

Once Craig knew he was dying, he told me he wouldn't "date" anyone. And it's interesting that when he became "safe"... when there were no worries about rejection or "dating," I had more fun with him than ever. It's the stupid "date" word that can often get in the way of us just enjoying the company of one another. We are too worried that if we're not a perfect match, we will either eventually get hurt or hurt someone else. It's too bad we can't just learn to love in the moment... love like we were dying.

I learned from watching Craig never to take life or people for granted. Dating isn't only for singles. It isn't only for romantic couples. Dating is for everyone. Enjoy dating. Enjoy people. Enjoy all the beautiful moments of life and love.