Friday, February 04, 2011

Friday (sort of) Funny and Personal Update

First things first. The Friday Funny on the Love Project for Knowing Yourself can be found here for a look at how the different Myers Briggs personality types view a glass of water.

(Note: You will only "get" this if you know are a Myers Briggs fan and even then you'll probably only be mildly amused, but it's the best I can do... If you have a better Friday Funny about "Knowing Yourself," let me know...)

----END LOVE PROJECT POST-----------------------

Now, this next part is an update on me, something I haven't done for awhile on this blog in an effort to be focused on The Love Project. Rest assured, these personal posts will be infrequent.

One of my New Year's resolutions was to "never complain." And the truth is, I've been very happy since 2011 began. Amazingly so. I realized that I had so many wonderful things in my life... so much love (even if not the romantic type)... and I consciously decided that I would never take it for granted, feel sorry for myself, or waste a minute being angry, sad, hurt, rejected, or any of that other negative stuff. I especially decided to never whine about a "broken heart" or have one of those pitiful "no one loves me" attitudes again.

I've wondered if it's appropriate to talk about what's going on in my love life on a blog. It's personal and you wonder why strangers would care... But surprisingly, sometimes they do.. And even when they don't, it's therapeutic for me, just to get out the thoughts going through my head... So here goes...

In December, 2009, I met someone who I will call "B." He was (is) so sweet, so cute, so romantic. I thought God had sent me B to help me through all the hard stuff....I was unemployed, my Dad had just been diagnosed with cancer, and I was turning 50 -- my "deadline" for falling in love. I figured God, as he has done in the past, was answering my prayers. I got a job, I felt like I'd finally fallen in love, and my Dad was responding remarkably well to the chemo.

Not only was B a sweet, romantic "boyfriend", he had a personality very much like my father's. They were very similar in politics, taste in movies and TV shows, and so many things. I'm guessing they both have the same Myers Briggs scores (INTJ) and would describe the glass as "made from silicon dioxide, heated to a temperature of ..." (They both are engineers.) My Dad (as I knew he would be) was thrilled that I was finally dating a Republican.

After a few months of dating B, I knew it wasn't right. I could tell he wasn't that into me. (A big clue was when he told me he didn't want to be in a committed relationship anymore...) Our communication styles were different. I'd say something meant to be a joke and he didn't laugh. I had almost the exact same "debates" with him that I'd had with my Dad. (In some cases, his words were so similar to my Dad's it was like some kind of Twilight Zone episode!) I knew in my heart of hearts that we were not a good match, but I could not let go. Despite our agreement to not be in a committed relationship, we still saw quite a lot of each other and transitioned into what's called on Facebook, a "complicated relationship."

Then my Dad got really sick. On his death bed, as my brother, sister, Mom and I were gathered around, we talked about politics! I kid you not! When the medics wanted to test his lucidity and asked if he knew who was President, he jokingly said, "I wish I didn't." My Dad, in his final hours, was actually worried about whether or not I would vote Republican or Democrat. (Did I mention, he never quite forgave me for voting for Obama?) My Mom reassured him, "Yvette's dating a Republican now, Honey." (In my Mom's mind, it goes without saying that I'd vote the same way as whoever I'm dating...)

Now, to be honest, I hate politics. But after Dad died I suddenly had this intense desire to make him proud and "be a good Republican" which is pretty crazy. I mean it's a little late now...
I also had this almost desperate need to be around B... even if just to listen to him talk about politics... it was like listening to my Dad. But I could see that the relationship with B was getting more and more one-sided and I knew.... just like I knew my Dad would die, I knew B didn't love me and I needed to move on.

That was 5 months ago. Since then I've half-heartedly dated other guys. B and I have seen each a few times. He is still sweet, cute, and always full of compliments, but has never even attempted to kiss me goodnight.

Today I learned B is in love with someone else. Not just "dating" someone, but really serious.

Maybe that's what I needed to hear to really move on. I'm trying to be happy for him. I know, know, know it never would have worked out between us.

I think about Craig, who couldn't move or talk, let alone have a date with anyone. Did he ever complain? Never! I think about all the friends and family who love me... I think about how lucky I am that I still get attention from guys. I think about people who are risking their lives for our country, people who are dying from all kinds of diseases, people who are poor, hungry, homeless in this frigid cold. I am so incredibly lucky.

So... I am not going to have a pity party. I am going to keep that New Year's resolution and squelch that urge to complain about my lack of boyfriend in this romantic month of February. I'm going to resist the temptations to agonize over why B didn't love me. I'm going to look forward to the new relationship that I know I will find now that I have a more open heart.

And... in an attempt to clear my heart of all complaints and bitterness, the most important thing I must remember is:

I'm SO much hotter than his new girlfriend! (Let's hope I never meet her so I can keep believing that...)

13 comments:

Jack said...

Blogging is the perfect place to discuss all of these things, or at least I think so.

Amy said...

Yvette, I so appreciate your candidness. You are totally entitled to a pity party and I think it would be perfectly appropriate at this time. And when you're ready, you'll move on.
I am also feeling very rejected, but after only a few dates with my "perfect" match. He was (is) smart, kind, cute, FUNNY, and we have EVERYTHING in common. And then I received an email in the middle of the night, "although I find you attractive, I don't feel the spark." What?!
Anyway, no matter how much I try to deny it, rejection hurts. But it hurts just a little less knowing that I'm not alone. So thank you.

Yvette said...

Thank you so much Jack and Amy.

Amy, I'm so sorry to hear your story. That can hurt so much.
This dating stuff really is so much harder than I'd ever imagined it would be.

Please remember that you are wonderful and that he is making a big mistake.

shirlnutkin said...

pity party or not - it is fine on your blog. it's your life's journal, also. and it's shows your human and sensitive. and now, your healing begins.

the last man i dated, i posted my experience via story-ish ... first situation in 2007 and then second circumstance in 2009.

what i didn't write about was what happened later in 2009. we became plutonic friends; he wanted to be friends. i did not have any feelings for an intimate relationship with him by then. well, eventually, it came out he had a long-distance girlfriend even before 2007 (when we started dating), so our friendship (and past relationships) was just his little band-aid/bridge. even though i did not have feelings for him by end of 2009, knowing that was pretty poo-poo back then. (and i have severed ties with him altogether).

virtual hugs for you! and i agree with amy - you will know when you're read; your spirit will feel it! we are here to support you.
xoxo

Mark said...

yvette, you don't even need to see his new girl friend to know you are SO much hotter!

Yvette said...

Shirley thanks for leaving the links to your posts... powerful stuff!

And Mark... awwww... Thank you!

Thanks to all of you for the wonderful support and for not making me feel like an idiot for sharing it on my blog. (I guess if I can tell my whole love life in my book, I shouldn't worry about a little blog post! ;-) )

Anonymous said...

I talked w/ a gorgeous psychiatrist this last week and was expressing my hurt feelings after a co-workers wife saw me at the private Bon Jovi concert stating something about me dressing like a "ho"...I was...but it was a COSTUME for goodness sakes..5-inch suede boots, a barely cover my as black skirt, halter and one of those all in one fishnet outfits...COSTUME...no one dresses like that in real life unless you work Colfax! I digress...Dr. L stated, "There is NOTHING sexier and more attractive in a woman as to act as if she doesn't care...laugh and go on!"...And Dr. L should know...one of her hobbies is erotic dance on aerial fabric and trapeze...and she is amazing...I have seen men drool as she walks past them. I just celebrate all you awesome, sexy women(and men) out there who are wanting a relationship in their lives...get it...but on YOUR terms! Yvette...you are drop dead gorgeous...choose who you really, really want...and don't accept anything else. You are HOT!

Yvette said...

Anonymous... (I know exactly who you are, of course... I've seen you out there on Colfax ;-) )... Thank you! You are a very wise and beautiful ho and I'm so glad to know you.

Popo said...

Thanks for the update! It's always entertaining reading about your life because you make it interesting. I wonder if you weren't as hot as you are, it would still be interesting. I think it still would... Maybe mores pics of yourself would help increase traffic and posts! Good luck with your new pool of men and I hope you have lots of fun finding some good ones.

Yvette said...

Popo, you're very funny (and flattering!) I really don't think posting photos of me is going to increase my traffic, but I have been thinking posting more photos in general might be a good idea... but first I have to learn how to be a better photographer!

Anyway, I have had a week on match.com and now have 4 "first dates" (or meetings) set up and they all look/sound great! I have got my mojo back! (Of course, personal online dating experience has taught me it's a roller coaster, so I'm just taking it one date at a time..)

GamerSyndrome said...

I did not have any feelings for an intimate relationship with him by then.

Kay Diller said...

I'm glad you shared your story. It's warm and helps all of us understand that sometimes what we think we want is really what we don't need. I am an INTJ and did not even realize I saw the glass like that...am I really an engineer? I guess we learn new things every day! Keep writing as your words warm our hearts.

Yvette said...

Thanks, Kay! And just as an update, right after this post, I did a 7-day trial at match.com and got 4 dates lined up! The first was last night and the guy was wonderful!

Even if none of these 4 guys becomes a "boyfriend" I feel really good about the possibility of them at least becoming friends. Yay!!