Beauty and Aging - Losing the Insecurities of Youth

 

Michele and Me - Both Pretty and Smart in our 60's

Today I'm going to continue my "series" on Beauty and Aging.  Yesterday, I started the series, by searching for "Beauty" on my Google Photos library and having a variety of photos pop up, including this one of my sister, Michele (62) and me (61).  (This picture was from a couple of years ago, but we still look beautiful, of course. )

When we were young, Michele was labeled as "The Pretty and Popular Daughter" and I was "The Smart and Academic Daughter."

I know our parents were trying to tell us they were proud of us both, but these labels fed into our insecurities for years.

When I was young, I was socially awkward until I got into college.  I loved books and learning and that was considered very "un-cool" at our high school. Michele was pretty and super popular (she was nominated for Homecoming Princess 3 years in a row!)  I was a wallflower, wishing someone would "like me" but completely afraid of dating and boys. If any boys talked to me, it was usually to ask me about Michele.

I was super-insecure about my looks.  My teeth were all grey, discolored because my Mom had taken tetracycline when she was pregnant with me.  Once, some kid even told me I'd look better if I didn't smile.  Because I was so self-conscious about this, I rarely smiled or socialized and was happiest hidden in the library away from the hallways where everyone was judging one another on their clothes, looks, and everything else.  High school was a very difficult time for me socially.

Things changed when I got to college.  It was acceptable to be studious! I finally felt like I fit in and even became a little more sociable. (Admittedly, alcohol helped a lot with that!)

That first year of college, I went sky-diving and broke my front tooth on the landing.  When the dentist went to repair the tooth, my parents agreed to have all my front teeth capped, so I could finally have teeth that looked "normal."  

I still was relatively shy and reserved all the way into my 40's, but the older I've gotten, the more social I've become.  And I really do feel much prettier than I ever felt in High School.  I realize when I've looked at pictures of myself over the years that what makes the single biggest difference in how pretty I look, is my smile.  A genuine smile makes all the difference!

The truth was, there were a lot of factors that contributed to my insecurities.  When I was 12, we moved from Kansas City, Kansas to Sacramento, CA. It was a whole new culture and many of the kids were bullies! They shamed me for wearing "little girl dresses" while they were wearing bell-bottom jeans and tube tops.

It wasn't all bad, of course. I found my crowd of other nerdy friends who loved to learn. As awkward as we were socially, we did all end up with good grades and bright futures.

Michele and I have talked as adults about our sibling insecurities. While I was feeling like the ugly duckling, she felt like our parents didn't respect her intellect. Our Dad, who was an engineer himself, was very engaged and excited that I was going into engineering, and I know my parents were very proud of all my academic achievements, undoubtedly making Michele feel inferior.

Now, here we are, in our 60's, realizing that we both have always been beautiful, intelligent and loved and respected by our parents.  These insecurities stem from messages we hear from our classmates and our parents and our friends.  But mostly they come from our own minds! We become our most harmful critics!

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to have confidence and smile more (despite what that idiot said.) But maybe I had to go through those difficult, insecure times, to gain the confidence I have today.  It's overcoming the challenges that help us grow.

There's no doubt that we lose some things as we age.  One of the best things we can lose are those insecurities from our youth. What we can gain is the recognition that, despite our imperfections, we are more intelligent, more beautiful and oh-so-much-wiser than ever before.