Website Wednesday: Romance Websites

Oh dear! Life has gotten busy, so I'm going to have to do a rush job with this version of Website Wednesday on The Love Project, and I really don't like to do that... especially with Romance! Romance should be savored and be nice and slow... enjoying every luscious moment. But blogging really isn't very romantic, so you'll have to excuse me for doing a rather short version this week, because my romantic bubble bath is waiting...

And without further adieu:

Love Project Participants:

girlnutkin in the BA - Very interesting story about Joshua Bell and a reminder to slow down!
Justice Jennifer - Aspiring author. Passionate Reader

Romance Blogs and Websites
Romance Tips
Love Romance Passion: List of 50 Romance Novel Blogs to Watch
Romance Coupons
Loving You

Happy Romancing!

Assignment 10: Do Something Romantic

This week on the Love Project we are going to explore Romance.

Assignment 10: What does romance mean to you? This week spend some time making a list of what you find romantic. Then pick one of those ideas and experience some romance either on your own or with someone else. Write a comment or a blog post and I'll feature you on Website Wednesday and on my Love Links page.

Background: A couple of days ago I wrote about the "romantic" relationship I had with an old man I'd met by volunteering in a nursing home. We tend to think "romantic relationships" must be "sexual relationships" but they don't have to be. Romance can be experienced with friends, family, or even on our own. Of course, most of us associate romance with "romantic love." If we're at a beautiful, romantic place, we want to be sharing that with a romantic partner and it can be kind of depressing to be on our own while we see all the other love-birds around us, being all inappropriately smoochy. Instead of enjoying the romance and beauty, we can sit there pouting about how we are "all alone." To that I say "Bbrerrrsr" <- This is the sound that goes with pursing your lips and blowing... kind of like sticking your tongue out, but with sound. (I'm going to have to research the word for this action and the correct way to spell the corresponding sound, but basically it means, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy the romance!")

We spend so much time in this life wanting to be validated by others. We feel in order for romance to be real, someone else has to tell us we're beautiful. We need to get flowers or attention. We need to be holding hands or kissing. Sure... those things are wonderful and we all want them. And if you have a romantic partner in your life, then take full advantage of that. Lavish your partner with the kind of romance they most enjoy.

But, if you don't have it... if you're single... it doesn't mean you have to give up on romance. Romance others, romance yourself... Gaze at the moon, the mountains, the ocean and feel the love in the world and know that you are part of it. Let a breeze embrace you, giving you tingles. Let snowflakes fall on your face. Let the smiles from strangers fill you with a sense of peace. Know that you're loved, with or without a romantic partner.

And last, but not least, tell those annoying love-birds to get a room...

Old love: Romance never dies

This week on the Love Project we're talking about Celebrating Age so I want to tell you a story about the oldest man I ever had a "romantic relationship" with. His name was Guy (pronounced "Gee" with a hard 'G') Goyer.

I met Guy in 1999 at Boulder Manor Nursing Home. I was still married at the time, about to turn 40, busy with 3 kids and getting ready to run my first marathon. I volunteered through my church to help bring the Mass to Boulder Manor on Sundays.

If you ever want to feel young, spend some time in a nursing home. Compared to people in there, you will be a regular spring chicken even if you're 80! As long as you're healthy, you will feel a whole lot younger than the people there, regardless of your biological age. Yes... most people there were very old, very sick, and very... confused. It is not the kind of thing that makes you look forward to getting old... it's downright scary. At first.

But, once you go regularly, like any community, you start to get to know who's who. You start to figure out who will talk gibberish, who will be constantly worried about being near a bathroom, who is shy and who is spunky.

Guy was a spunky one. I remember the first time we met. He came into the room where we held Mass with his motorized wheelchair, oxygen, and sporting a debonair beret. He asked me my name and when I told him it was "Yvette" he was very excited. "Are you French?" he asked. "My mother is part French Canadian and loves French names," I told him. He was from Quebec and he wanted to talk (or should I say flirt!) more. A regular lady's man, despite the very advanced age. I sat next to him during the service and we talked more afterwards about our families and backgrounds.

After that, Guy was my new best friend at Boulder Manor. He always parked his wheelchair next to me, and held out his ever-shaking hand for me to hold during the "Our Father." He was always ready with a smile and told me the news of the day or teased me in some way. One day he asked if I could come back to his room to visit and he showed me his photos and mementos in his small semi-private room. This wasn't creepy or scary at all. He didn't act disrespectful or in any way like a "dirty old man"... more like a romantic gentleman who wanted to "court" me with old-fashioned charm. So, I started visiting for 30 minutes or so after Mass each week.

He asked me for my address once, which I thought was odd. Why would he need that? But that week I received some poetry in the mail from him. It was very hard to read. Guy's hands shook so badly that the handwriting was practically indecipherable... but in those squiggles I saw a romantic soul and it touched my heart, bringing tears to my eyes.

I knew Guy wanted me to visit him more often, but I was busy, and, honestly, I was a little worried that he was becoming too attached to me. Obviously, he knew I was married and that there would be no... um... physical intimacy of any kind... But he was lonely. He was this beautiful man with love to give and just wanted someone to give it to.

I missed the last Sunday I would have spent with Guy because I was in San Diego running that marathon. The next Sunday when I returned, anxious to tell him all about it, I heard that he'd died. Whatever service they'd had was over. I didn't know any of his family or friends to send condolences to. I had no one to grieve with. I wanted so much to see him again. I wanted to tell him something I'd never told him... That I loved him.

I know this love is different from what we all want. We want a partner, not a nurse. We want someone who thinks we're sexy and desirable, not someone who sees us as old and sick. But inside that old person is a heart and mind who still wants to love and be loved. I wish I had given that to Guy.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately... Can we continue to love people even when we are old, sick, and dying? Will they accept it and love us back? Many won't. I know this. I didn't even make the time for Guy... I was worried he would become dependent on me. I had other people in my life. Did I hurt him? I hate to think about it, but I know I may have.

By giving love to others when we don't get it back, will we set ourself up for rejection? Will we just feel more lonely and hurt? I don't know. But I do know that Guy didn't let age or sickness keep him from giving love. His poems taught me that we're never too old for romance and love... (and who needs sex when you're 90, anyway?)

Ten Romantic Dates - For Singles Too!

One of the things I used to hate about being single was the lack of romantic dates. I love to do romantic things, but, let's face it, it can be downright depressing to go somewhere romantic by yourself! And sometimes Laptop Guy just doesn't fit the bill!

I used to read articles like Ten Most Romantic Dates and think... when, when, when will I get to do those things again?

One of the things I learned in my year of looking for love is that you can have a lot of romance in your life even when you're single. Your single friends are often yearning for romance, too! Although it might be a little tricky to do romantic things with your opposite sex platonic friend, if you talk about it ahead of time, it can be really fun. Kind of a little role play game. When I'm in this mode I even like to pretend I'm married and say stuff like, "Honey, let's go see that great new chick flick!" Then later on we can still pretend we're married and be uninterested in sex.

You hear a lot about "Friends with Benefits" -- sexual relationships with no commitment. Why not instead have the "benefit" be the romantic stuff... enjoying a sunset or sharing a bottle of wine or snuggling while watching a DVD together? If it's too awkward to do this with a platonic friend, then skip the snuggling if you want. Act like buddies or siblings or whatever feels comfortable, but don't skip the opportunity to share beautiful experiences. If not with an opposite sex friend, how about a same sex friend or family member? Hikes filled with wildflowers, jumping in the ocean, snowshoeing through a snowstorm -- you can do these romantic things in groups, with kids, or with anyone you love!

If you've been longing to go romantic places and do romantic things, but have been waiting until you're in a relationship -- Stop waiting!

Here's a list of 10 romantic things a single person can do:

- Lose yourself in a book in front of the fire
- Take a hike in the mountains
- Jump in the waves of the ocean
- Lay outside on a sunny day and enjoy the sunshine
- Savor the taste of an ice cream cone on a hot day
- Go on a trip to somewhere new and meet new people; When you get home, add them to your Facebook friends and send them pictures you took with them
- Go through old photos and create a beautiful photo album
- Surprise someone you love with a gift for no reason
- Take a luxurious bubble bath with candles and music
- Snuggle in a goose down comforter

There are thousands more, of course. Do something romantic every day! Do these things with friends, family or on your own. Take pictures and post them online! (Well... maybe not of the bubblebath.) One of the things I love about blogging is it gives us a chance to share our happiness with the world.

I guess Laptop Guy isn't such a bad romantic partner after all.

Single or in a relationship, what kind of romantic dates are your favorite?

Bed & Breakfast Magic at Chez Michele's

When traveling, Bed and Breakfast Inn's are my favorite type of establishment. I love the cozy accommodations...the homespun charm of quilts, teapots, flowers, and aromas from the kitchen. A library with books which range from familiar classics to books of art, a fluffy cat that drapes herself around you, an antique chaise in the parlor where you can lounge like a pampered queen...you just can't get this kind of romance from a Best Western or even a luxury resort.

I've never been to a Bed & Breakfast alone. That type of romance is something to be shared. Too bad men typically don't relish that “girly stuff” nearly as much as I do. In my feel-sorry-for-myself moments I pout, thinking I might never get the chance to experience the romance of a B&B again. Funny that I didn't realize I'd be visiting one over Thanksgiving right in my sister's southern California home.

I've visited my sister before, but this was the first time I was the only visitor to her lovely home, which meant I got the full attention of her hospitality. I spent two evenings of my visit traipsing the city with Mr. November, and when I arrived back at the “inn” quite late, I found candles lit and fresh flowers adorning the guest bathroom and a mint upon my pillow! In the morning I'd wake to the scents of coffee and Thanksgiving recipes in the works.

But what made this B&B more special than any other wasn't the candles or the food. One morning I got a lazy late morning 20-minute warning from my brother-in-law, set to go with me on a long run in the 70-degree perfect California weather. Usually a reticent fellow, we chatted the whole way, discussing religion, politics, and even relationships! Every day, I got more than just the cat that draped herself around me. I got the two golden retrievers begging to be petted, their chins in my lap, looking up at me with their puppy-dog eyes. I got random hugs of affection from my neices, nephew, and sister...not because I was saying 'hello' or saying 'goodbye'....just because they love me. B&B's usually don't come stocked with people who give you a quick hug and kiss as you walk by.

I, of course, revel in all the attention. On other Thanksgivings I've been busy with my own preparations...either cooking or parenting or...at least helping the hostess. This time my sister and her family insisted on fully spoiling me and I had to do nothing but lounge around and be served. And...get this...my sister actually seemed to be enjoying doing all this pampering! I'm sure if I had stayed a few more days, she may have gotten a little irked, once I started ringing a bell for service, but she didn't even complain when I shouted up to the front desk for someone to bring me shampoo. Instead she brought me an assortment of toiletries including the requested shampoo, hair conditioner, powder, hand cream and mouthwash! They were all unopened in their cute mini containers, just waiting for the perfect guest with dirty hair, dry skin, and bad breath. This place is like magic! Quick, what else can I ask for? I know if I yell up for love, the dogs will come bounding in along with the rest of the family, and seeing as I'm in the shower, its not really the right time.

I'm not revealing the address of this unique establishment. It's not open to the general public. But I discovered that I have enjoyed this B&B more than any I'd ever visited while I was married. My husband would indulge me with occasional romance, but he was much happier roughing it at a backwoods campsite than eating scones in a candlelit breakfast room.

So, once again, I learn that a man is not required to enjoy a romantic experience and sometimes it can be a bit more romantic without one! Romance comes in many different forms. The smell of a rose placed in a room by a sister who's thinking of you means more than strolling through gardens hand-in-hand with a man who really doesn't want to be there. It's fun to share the excitement at the unexpected surprises with the person providing the pleasures, someone who not only delights in the same flavor of charm, but appreciates being appreciated herself.

So, here's to my discovery of the romance of Chez Michele, a secret Bed &Breakfast Inn.

Now....where is she with that tea?