Ten reasons to subscribe to...

..my relationship column on Examiner.com

To learn:

1. How to make dating fun
2. How to reconnect with a spouse or partner
3. How to pick a great venue for a date
4. How to date successfully
5. How to navigate the online dating sites
6. How to play on a date
7. How to get over insecurities and build confidence
8. How to get dates
9. How to build intimacy
10. How to banish dating fears

But even if you don't need to learn these things, subscribe for these reasons:

1. To help teach others
2. If you have a business, product or event, I may be able to help you promote it
3. Spark conversation
4. Make new friends (maybe even a date!!)
5. Ask questions
6. Trade links
7. Help spread the word
8. Help me make a little cash! (If I get a certain number of subscribers, my pay level gets bumped up.)

Everyone (whether single or married, male or female, old or young) would benefit from dating. So, go ahead! Subscribe!!

Nine Levels of Love - Podcast with John Maturo

The other day I spoke with relationship coach John Maturo about his eBook, "Nine Levels of Love," and his company NU.

Tune in to this podcast to find out more about the book, the "relationship cruise" that is being offered in 2011, and advice for new singles.



Maturo helps his clients:

•Break free of bad habits

•Overcome old hurts and demons

•Shrug off negative, self-damaging feelings

•Replace unconstructive thoughts

•Improve self-esteem

•Accept yourself, flaws and all

•Find…and keep…the love you crave!

6 Things to Keep Your Spirits Up When You're in a Dry Spell

Dating Goddess over 40 wrote a blog post I could relate to: Dry Spells. These are the times we're not in a relationship and we're really not in the mood to date. This can be a rather depressing time... Maybe we just got out of a relationship, or maybe we just are a little tired of the dating game. She asks at the end of the post what we do to keep our spirits up during dry spells? My comment was getting so long, I decided to write a post of my own... Here are some of the things I do when I'm in this mode.

1) Explore a passion - Here's a time to just lose yourself into something you love to do, but never have time for. Check meetup.com or use the web to find other people that have the same passion.

2) Give yourself a makeover - New clothes, new hairstyle, new makeup. It doesn't feel quite so risky to experiment with stuff like a new hairstyle when you're completely single. If it doesn't come out perfect, who cares? You have time to get used to it or change it again.

3) Focus on friends and family - One thing that's great about being in a relationship is that it's fun to lavish your love focus with little surprise gifts, text messages, or other little things to let him know you're thinking of him. Why not spend that same energy on the other people you love in your life? Surprise your friends and family with some extra attention.

4) Volunteer - There are so many opportunities to help others. Volunteering usually puts things into perspective. You realize that being single is really a trivial problem compared to all the other problems in the world. And if your insecurity is age, volunteer at a nursing home. You will feel very young! (And there are plenty of old people that will think you're the hottest thing ever!)

5) Learn Something New - Dig out that list of stuff that you always wanted to learn and get started! Take a class, read books, find mentors, experts, or other people who want to learn too. Like #1 (Exploring a passion), meetup and the Web are good areas to find people and resources to help you.

6) Get Attention From Single Friends - I have some friends who "fill in" with things like occasional text messages, coffee breaks, or platonic dates. During a time when I'm feeling especially lonely, it's nice to have a "safe" flirt buddy to exchange "sweet dreams" text messages with.

So there you have it. Goodbye depression! If you're focusing on loving others (and, of course, yourself!), you may not be in a relationship, but you will have plenty of love in your life.

5 Good Reasons to be Dishonest

We always hear how important honesty is in a relationship. Just the other day, I blogged about how much deception there is in online dating. (I'm still outraged at the idea of Virtual Dating Assistants who can be hired to write your emails for you.)

However, I've noticed that as important as honesty is to me, there are times that I'm not 100% honest. If we had the opportunities to read each others' minds, would our communication be better? I don't think so and here's why..

1) Our thoughts are not always kind. I hate to admit that I can be pretty shallow, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I notice unattractive features. I make judgments about people. I am sure they are doing the same about me. It's just the way our minds operate. Hopefully, we are making positive observations, too. Those are the things we say out loud. But I don't think it's necessary to tell someone you meet that you find them pitifully ugly, even if you do. And if someone finds me unattractive, I'm perfectly fine with them keeping that to themselves.

2) We don't share what's on our mind because we are respecting the privacy and confidence of someone else. When friends trust us with personal information, we owe it to them to keep that private. On the other hand, if we find something important out about a friend, should we tell them? Is it dishonest to keep it from them if the person that shared the information with us, told us in confidence? What if find out someone is cheating on a friend? Are we being dishonest in keeping it from them?

3) We aren't honest because we want to remain positive, even if we don't feel that way. No one wants to be seen as weak, scared, or lonely. So we aren't entirely honest about those feelings. We put on a happy face even if we don't feel that way. Is this good? Maybe not all the time. As we grow to trust someone, we can become more vulnerable. In fact, it's only in revealing our true feelings, will we really be intimate. But sometimes, just the act of putting on the happy face will make us happier. And I would guess most people appreciate a partner who will not share every fear and instead, will try and be positive, even when they don't necessarily feel that way.

4) We don't tell the entire truth because we don't want to hurt someone. If we don't like a gift, for example, should we tell the giver? It might be more honest, but my opinion is that the fact that someone thought of me is the gift. The actual gift is not as important. I would want to accept the gift happily regardless of what it was.

5) We don't share everything because sometimes it might be "too much information." We often choose to keep quiet about details of past relationships or even current relationships. If you're not in a committed relationship, is it necessary to let your date know of other relationships in your life? Some people would think it's tacky to talk about other relationships. Others might think it's dishonest to omit.

I'd consider these examples of dishonesty by omission, rather than lies. I just don't think it's necessary to disclose everything on our minds if it will only serve to hurt. But this brings up one of the biggest dilemmas some people deal with.

Should you reveal an infidelity to your partner?

I've heard some argue that if it's over, telling them will only hurt them. But if you don't tell them, is your relationship honest? What do you think?

The Laptop Dancer Diaries is Available!

What's the secret to falling in love? The Laptop Dancer Diaries is a story of my year-long journey as a single mom, determined to figure it out.

I realize something is wrong when the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my laptop. Sure he's easy to turn on, but his performance is not what it used to be. I want more. I vow to venture out into the real world, take more risks and conquer my insecurities.

My three resolutions: to have an adventure a month, to fall in love, and to write a book, are all intertwined, resulting in a story that will inspire readers to follow their dreams. By sharing my honest, hilarious and often embarrassing stories, older singles will discover the ups and downs of dating in the millennium. The secret to falling in love is revealed at last in the surprising conclusion.

The Laptop Dancer Diaries will make you laugh, it will make you cry, it will make you say, "Huh?"

Buy the book.

Join the FaceBook Fan Club.

Submit feedback via TheLaptopDancerDiaries Website.

My Level-5 Boyfriend

I wrote this article a few years ago. For those of you that have read The Laptop Dancer Diaries, this explains the origins of FB and how he got his nick-name. I was inspired to post this after reading Dave Taylor's post: How do you refer to "the person you're seeing" when you're an adult?

My Level-5 Boyfriend

At my workplace, we have what’s called a “leveling tool.” It’s basically a document that describes the responsibilities associated with each job level. The tool is used to help determine if a promotion is in order. As I re-entered the confusing world of dating after the breakup of my 20-year marriage, I wished I had such a tool that would help navigate me through the uncharted territory upon which I was embarking. How would I know when I was ready to move to the next level, and would my progression match that of my new boyfriend?

I use the term “boyfriend” loosely. First of all, there’s the age factor. Surely there must be a more sophisticated word that can be used once you reach middle-age. “Gentleman caller” and “beau”, though romantic, sound too Victorian. “Lover” is too personal for my taste. And none of these titles is entirely appropriate until you and the object of your affection have established exactly where you are in the relationship. I’ve dated the same man for a year and a half. We have a monogamous relationship. Yet, use of the word “boyfriend” is practically as taboo as bringing up the dreaded L-word. Perhaps it implies more commitment than my male friend is ready to accept.

The early infatuation days of our relationship were blissfully happy for me as I was rescued from the emotional rejection I’d felt from my divorce. I was as excited as a love struck schoolgirl. A few months later, however, I noticed the reluctance of my boyfriend (yes, I’ll go ahead and call him that…he’ll probably never read this, anyway) to progress up the commitment ladder. Being a typical male, “relationship talk” was something he conveniently avoided. I decided to make it easy for him by creating a relationship leveling tool. With such a tool in hand he would simply have to inform me of his current level and whether he’d be trying for any “promotions” in the foreseeable future.

Let me explain something about the leveling tool I’m about to disclose. Every person is different and what might seem like a major step for one person might not be such a big deal for someone else. Sex is probably the biggest example of this. For some people, sex is in no way a statement of commitment. Others feel sex should be saved for marriage. Most of us are somewhere in between depending on a myriad of circumstances. So although I originally created the Commitment Leveling Tool with the best of intentions, I’ve come to realize that my interpretation of what constitutes commitment and how it should progress is very personal and unique. When I originally authored this tool I had about 20 levels including such trivialities as “Not embarrassed to fart in front of one another.” However, I’ve narrowed it down to what I think of as the 10 primary levels.

Commitment Leveling Tool

1. Flirt and hope for a positive reaction
2. First date
3. Kissing and progressively more
4. Decide you want to date exclusively
5. Sex!!!
6. Introduce your friends, families, and kids
7. Say 'I Love You'
8. Go on vacation together
9. Talk about a future together
10. Get married.

I was quite pleased with our progression up to Level 5. However, once there, we seemed to be in a holding pattern. I was certainly more than ready for Level 6. In fact, I had talked to my friends, families, and kids about my infatuation way back at Level 1. Why was this so difficult for my so-called boyfriend? When I showed him the leveling tool, he suggested that he was so committed that he was ready to vacation with me, skipping right over Levels 6 and 7 and going straight to Level 8!

Here we are, over a year later, still somewhat stuck at Level 5. Yes, we have done a couple of long-weekend trips, and I have met a few of his friends. I wonder if the plateau we reached has anything to do with sex. Perhaps if we were back in Victorian days when sex didn’t come until AFTER marriage, there would have been further progression up that commitment ladder. Could it be that once The Big Level 5 (Sex!!!) was achieved, there was no longer any incentive for my boyfriend to advance further?

I rationalize that certain levels are more about personality than commitment. My boyfriend is very private and seems to have his life compartmentalized. He does not want to mix his work life with his personal life or his love life with his family life. I have often felt hurt that he has not included me in his family events. I’ve sometimes wondered if he were to die suddenly, if his family would even know to invite me to his funeral. I believe they know he’s dating someone, but they’ve never met me.

Although remaining hidden from my boyfriend’s family causes me much distress, I’ve concluded that an invite to a family function is tantamount to a marriage proposal in his mind. Once I understood this, I stopped pushing. I’m ready for Level 6, but if family introductions are his version of a Level 9 relationship, then I don’t want to go there quite yet.

When I’m not worrying about “going to the next level” I’m totally happy with our relationship. We have fun and enjoy each others’ company. He is my friend, my confidant, and my lover. However, we both still stutter when using the word “boyfriend.” Whether that is because of our ages or our commitment level is not entirely clear.

If I revert back to my unabridged 20-level tool, there are things we’ve done which have implied increased intimacy. We have become more comfortable with each other and yes, he has farted in front of me, although it was met with a great deal of embarrassment. I still am not ready for that level. I now teasingly refer to him as FB (Fart-Boy) rather than BF (Boy Friend). It seems to be the more appropriate moniker.

As the months have passed, met with my periodic frustrations at our lack of forward movement, I’ve come to the realization that it’s unlikely that we will ever reach the higher levels of this scale. I’ve asked myself if I can be happy staying at Level 5. Often times I think Level 5 is perfect. I have more time to pursue my own interests and I do not have to deal with the compromises that more established couples are faced with. We still go out at least once a week and that date is met with excitement and anticipation. Whenever I see little signs of intimacy…times when I see my boyfriend stepping out of his comfort zone for me…I get the warmth of feeling loved, whether or not he is saying the difficult L-word. He always respects me and has been there for me whenever I’ve needed him.

The advice columnists, Dr. Phil, and authors of “He’s Just Not That Into You” would all tell me not to settle for anything less than love. Unfortunately, I have trouble even finding a potential for a Level 1 relationship, let alone someone I think is going to make it to Level 10. The notion of finding my soul mate is very romantic, but realistically, I don’t see many prospects out there. Admittedly, I’m picky, but if the purpose of moving on is to avoid settling, then why start out settling in the early stages of dating?

At some point I will decide I want more and will risk venturing out to find it. When I give up all hope of any forward movement with my current relationship, the stagnation won’t be enough to sustain it. I doubt many men would stay in a relationship if they felt there was no chance of reaching the “Sex Level.” I cannot stay in a relationship if there is no chance of reaching the “Love Level.” But for now, I can enjoy a Level 5 relationship with a sprinkle of higher level activity. A serious boyfriend so soon after a divorce is probably not on Dr. Phil’s prescription list either. A Fart-Boy will do just fine.

Looking for Love

Do you remember these Leisure Suit Larry games by Sierra? They were great. I compare a dorky guy that tries to pick me up in Cancun to Leisure Suit Larry in my book, The Laptop Dancer Diaries.

Less than two months until the release date -- February 26, 2010! The book is a journal, starting with a New Years resolution to find love. I went about it in a very methodical way, with a series of dates starting with Mr. January. I don't want to ruin the story for you, but I'll tell you that I did end up falling in love with Mr. December. Phew! And I learned a lot about love in the process!

One of the things I learned is that love shows up in unexpected places. Often the "target" of my love, the man I thought would be Mr. Man-Of-The-Month, did not end up being "right." We get thrown a lot of curve balls in dating. We think someone is perfect and then they turn out to be gay, married, psycho, or... just not that interested in us. Then we get insecure, wondering if it's because we're too old or not pretty enough. Or maybe someone thinks we're perfect, and we just can't seem to reciprocate those feelings. Yes, maybe it's because they're the ones who are too old or too ugly or too-just-can't-put-your-finger-on-it-but-you-find-them-annoying. Even though we know it's shallow to judge people on these things and we hate being judged ourselves, we can't help it. No matter how much we wish we were attracted to them, we're just not.

I discovered this "judging" we all do is associated with finding a romantic partner. We are searching for lust and attraction. Let's face it, if we're going to be fondling this person, we don't want to feel nautious when we look at them. But lust and attraction are different from love. So this year, my resolution is to search for love every day. It's present in every person we meet and every experience we have. We can find it in that excited smile of a friend who's sharing good news with you, that dog (in my case, a very disobedient dog) who jumps into her "down position" to please you, that sunrise that takes your breath away as you're out for a morning run.

Stories of love may not be as entertaining as dating stories, but they're a lot safer when you're writing a blog. So I've decided to try and blog each week about "love stories" and I invite you to do the same. If you want to get the full scoop on dating, you'll have to get the book! Or come join The Laptop Dancer Diaries FaceBook Fan Page to discuss dating, love, relationships, and ...

My Yearly Sexual Encounter With Mr. Roboto

There are a lot of drama queens out there that will tell you mammograms are “horrible”. They'll tell you war stories about how their friend, Susan, was in the “squished” position when the power went out and she had to stand there “for hours” in unbearable pain. Some even have the nerve to compare this experience with childbirth.

After hearing these atrocities, I expected the worst when I went in for my first mammogram at age 40. I stood there, breast posed on the tray as the robotic spatula piece slowly made it's way down, ready to squish my middle-aged breast into a flattened pancake. Goodbye, sweet breast. You served me well through many a grope. The robot does its squeeze, and I proudly note that my breast size has increased. It's a 2 dimensional shape now, but it's stretched out past the first marked curve, almost making it to the second one. (It reminds me of those stretching exercises where you sit on the floor and see how far you can extend your fingers.) The technician tells me to hold my breath. Here it comes...that unbearable pain... She snaps her X-Ray, and the mechanical arm comes up. That's it? That's the unbearable pain that experienced mammogrammers are talking about? What wimps!

Clearly these women that scare mammogram-virgins with their stories are not comfortable with experimentation and sexual openness. For those of us that are single and don't have access to men who regularly fondling our breasts, the annual mammogram can provide a sexual adventure like none other.

Yesterday was the day. No deodorant allowed. It's OK. Mr. Roboto and I enjoy our natural scents. I wore the hospital gown parted down the middle, just hinting of the breasts beneath. I opened the gown slowly and the technician gently cupped my breast, placing it gingerly on the tray as the robot enjoyed this bit of foreplay. He, of course, was immediately turned on and started coming down on me.

“Hold your breath so I can get a good picture” the technician advised. I did as told, keeping quiet, squelching my urges to moan. I whispered a quiet “oooh...that hurt so good” under my breath once the arm started lifting. Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto. We got into several different positions, doing “it” at different angles, the photographer guiding us through every shot. I worked the camera, knowing my breasts were being handled by a professional.

The session was over too soon. The technician went out to check the proofs while I had a quiet moment with Mr. Roboto. Still flustered from our sexy photo shoot, I was tempted to disrobe entirely and wrap myself around his steely pole. But I felt chilly and somehow, the machine seemed distant. It's funny how one moment he can be squeezing my breasts...the next he's just sitting there, uncommunicative and cold. I had a moment of melancholy. I was just another pair of breasts to him...he'll feel thousands before he touches mine again.

“Would you like to be my Mr. December?” I ask him. He sits there, saying nothing and I wonder if he cares about me at all. Machines....

The technician comes back and tells me the photos are good and I'm free to go.

Even though the robot is immobile, I know he is a complex being. It's not his fault that he has no life. It's not like he can run off to see the wizard like the Tin Man.

Even if I mean nothing to him, I will savor the sweet experience of our yearly rendezvous. He may not love me, but I know he's looking out for me and some day, may even save my life. Each relationship is different and we have to love it for what it is.

Goodbye you hunky robot. I'll see you next year.

Bed & Breakfast Magic at Chez Michele's

When traveling, Bed and Breakfast Inn's are my favorite type of establishment. I love the cozy accommodations...the homespun charm of quilts, teapots, flowers, and aromas from the kitchen. A library with books which range from familiar classics to books of art, a fluffy cat that drapes herself around you, an antique chaise in the parlor where you can lounge like a pampered queen...you just can't get this kind of romance from a Best Western or even a luxury resort.

I've never been to a Bed & Breakfast alone. That type of romance is something to be shared. Too bad men typically don't relish that “girly stuff” nearly as much as I do. In my feel-sorry-for-myself moments I pout, thinking I might never get the chance to experience the romance of a B&B again. Funny that I didn't realize I'd be visiting one over Thanksgiving right in my sister's southern California home.

I've visited my sister before, but this was the first time I was the only visitor to her lovely home, which meant I got the full attention of her hospitality. I spent two evenings of my visit traipsing the city with Mr. November, and when I arrived back at the “inn” quite late, I found candles lit and fresh flowers adorning the guest bathroom and a mint upon my pillow! In the morning I'd wake to the scents of coffee and Thanksgiving recipes in the works.

But what made this B&B more special than any other wasn't the candles or the food. One morning I got a lazy late morning 20-minute warning from my brother-in-law, set to go with me on a long run in the 70-degree perfect California weather. Usually a reticent fellow, we chatted the whole way, discussing religion, politics, and even relationships! Every day, I got more than just the cat that draped herself around me. I got the two golden retrievers begging to be petted, their chins in my lap, looking up at me with their puppy-dog eyes. I got random hugs of affection from my neices, nephew, and sister...not because I was saying 'hello' or saying 'goodbye'....just because they love me. B&B's usually don't come stocked with people who give you a quick hug and kiss as you walk by.

I, of course, revel in all the attention. On other Thanksgivings I've been busy with my own preparations...either cooking or parenting or...at least helping the hostess. This time my sister and her family insisted on fully spoiling me and I had to do nothing but lounge around and be served. And...get this...my sister actually seemed to be enjoying doing all this pampering! I'm sure if I had stayed a few more days, she may have gotten a little irked, once I started ringing a bell for service, but she didn't even complain when I shouted up to the front desk for someone to bring me shampoo. Instead she brought me an assortment of toiletries including the requested shampoo, hair conditioner, powder, hand cream and mouthwash! They were all unopened in their cute mini containers, just waiting for the perfect guest with dirty hair, dry skin, and bad breath. This place is like magic! Quick, what else can I ask for? I know if I yell up for love, the dogs will come bounding in along with the rest of the family, and seeing as I'm in the shower, its not really the right time.

I'm not revealing the address of this unique establishment. It's not open to the general public. But I discovered that I have enjoyed this B&B more than any I'd ever visited while I was married. My husband would indulge me with occasional romance, but he was much happier roughing it at a backwoods campsite than eating scones in a candlelit breakfast room.

So, once again, I learn that a man is not required to enjoy a romantic experience and sometimes it can be a bit more romantic without one! Romance comes in many different forms. The smell of a rose placed in a room by a sister who's thinking of you means more than strolling through gardens hand-in-hand with a man who really doesn't want to be there. It's fun to share the excitement at the unexpected surprises with the person providing the pleasures, someone who not only delights in the same flavor of charm, but appreciates being appreciated herself.

So, here's to my discovery of the romance of Chez Michele, a secret Bed &Breakfast Inn.

Now....where is she with that tea?

Exposing Yourself

The other day an email was sent out by to my "Rebuilder" network by a fellow "Rebuilder", Matt, advertising "Resingled a Divorce Blog" , a male perspective of the newly divorced life. I read it with interest. Relationships are my favorite topic, and, of course, my own blog is about being "resingled". That being said, besides being a female perspective (and 5 years past divorce), I'm not nearly as open as Matt is in his blog about thoughts around sex. Not only are my thoughts about sex ever-changing, it's a very confusing topic. And then there's the fact that sex is very personal. Describing how I feel about it on the internet feels a little bit like posting a nude photo of yourself. It's something intimate. It's kind of like one of those things that you work your way into as you get to know someone.

A male friend once told me a story about a woman he'd met from match.com. She was from out of state. He's a commitmentphobe and has this habit of meeting out-of-staters...Ms. Utah, Ms. Florida, Ms. California, he calls them. Anyway, he flew Ms. Something...I can't remember the state...out for the weekend. They had a nice day, strolling around Denver, and went back to his house (by the way he has this GORGEOUS house...) She "freshens up" and when he comes down to his entertainment room, she is lying nude on his couch. She proceeds to ask if he wants to see her "man in the boat". This, apparently, is a euphemism for asking if he wants to examine her female genitalia. She spreads her legs ready to give him a guided tour to her "boat" and the "man" within.

My friend, who I'll call "Hugh", since he I think he fashions himself another Hugh Hefner, was not prepared for this. He certainly has been around the block a few times, but never had he so abruptly been thrust into this kind of surreal sexual scene. Ms. Out-of-Stater was confused by his lack of eagerness to explore. It seems that other men have jumped (literally) at such an opportunity. I mean, it does sound like something that only happens in porn movies, and I guess her body (I'm not sure if that would be considered her "dock") was playboy material. But still "Hugh" was ready to run for the hills. Where's the mystery? Where's the anticipation? This almost sounds like a gynecology appointment, which I can tell ya, is not that sexy!

"Hugh" once advised me that if I was going to write very personal "stuff" in my blog, that I should never let anyone I'm romantically interested in, read it. He said that's like going "Open Kimono". And I suppose, the more personal it is, it can even be like exposing your "man in the boat" prematurely. On one hand, it feels wonderful to be able to express your innermost thoughts, especially when someone validates those thoughts. You get a feeling that you are not alone. Someone else has these fears, these insecurities, these hopes, these joys. But part of intimacy is to discover these things over time and together. You share a little, he shares a little, a touch, a smile, a bad mood, an embarrassing moment, a fear, a quirk, a hug, a kiss... let it grow. Don't rush to get to the "man in the boat" before you've even had the joys of experiencing the little stuff. There is nothing like those tingles you get from the light touch from a man you have a huge crush on. Though the ultimate fantasy is to have mind-numbing sex, if he whips out his penis and says "Wanna do it?" your infatuation is most likely going to morph to disgust.

There's a lot I'd like to say in response to the entries in Matt's blog, and I know he's looking for comments, but a comment is not enough to give justice to my female perspective about sex and singlehood. I would say that though it may be closer to "typically female" it's unique in that every one of us is different in how we feel about this topic. I commend Matt for his openness in sharing his thoughts. Though some I agree with and others I don't, it confirms my belief that we are all different, and discovering our inner thoughts (without necessarily exposing our "man in the boat") is how we get closer to love. Perhaps that's why reading blogs can be so entertaining. You get a glimpse into someones "real" personality and you feel a sense of closeness to them. But when it comes to "real" relationships, it must be a journey that you're walking together side by side. Whether your goal is sex or love, enjoy the small steps of intimacy along the way.

Bachelor #1

Ah....vacation at last! My match.com subscription, along with the accompanying email had become quite a distraction the last few days at work. I admit to a moment of embarrassment when a colleague came by only to find me purusing the site, checking out profiles. But I played it cool... pretended it was work related. just doing a little research... checking out the user-friendliness of the Website....

OK, about my online dating game. I was exited about it on the first day. It was the perfect opportunity to winnow out the 99% of the population that I didn't want to date anyway. I knowingly sent people to my blog because I knew they would be turned off. I mean first a guy takes the risk to email me, then I ask him to jump through hoops and play a dating game so that maybe he'll win a date in a month with someone that's obviously "love-challenged" and...the real kicker...it will all get blogged about.... yeah, I don't think there's too much incentive going on there. Conveniently, this strategy would mean I rarely would have to write one of those uncomfortable, "I'm not interested" emails. I let them figure out that they're not interested.

But on the very first day I did get a guy that was spunky enough to want to play. Though I didn't really plan to reveal this, my thought was that ANYONE that had the confidence to be up for the game, despite my admissions that I'd be blogging about it, would score enough points with me that I'd put them first on my priority list.

Bachelor #1 scored big time in all the other categories, too, with the exception of distance.

* Age...exactly the same as me! Can't get better than that!

* Distance...Denver. Well, this one's a little iffy. A little far for a workday lunch, but not far enough to be out of the question.

* Creativity...Oh Yeah. Lots of points in this category. That's especially impressive for someone that doesn't know me. I've determined that "sense of humor" is on my "must have" list.

* Looks...He's got the requisite good-looking photos, especially the smile.

* Intelligence...I haven't notice a single misspelling in his communication (come to think of it, I'd better spell-check my own profile!) More than spelling, though, he has a style that shows he's up for some mental sparring.

* Good Father....Both his profile and his photos show that kids and family are important to him. I'm not looking for a father for my kids. But I want someone that has experienced that...that understands and feels that same unconditional love you can only get by being a parent.

So I sort of hit paydirt on the first day. I haven't been sending any other match people to my blog. If I already found someone with high points and he's willing to meet me, I should just go for it, right?

Well, as a matter of fact, Bachelor #1 did ask me for coffee, and I played my usual, "I'm too busy" card. The truth is I have been really, really busy. But I know it's also the I-don't-really-want-to-have-a-first-meeting-date procrastination. I just do not like being thrust into a "date". I know it's always the same...no butterflies, no giddy infatuation, no chemistry. My chemicals seem to have all fizzled out and I end up feeling bad. Sometimes its easier to just stay behind the computer and fantasize that this might be "the one' than face a real person.

Let the Dating Games Begin

I have reached a high-point in my life. I'm serious! I'm even envious of me...great family, friends, health, job. I can't remember another time when I felt so worry-free. But it's goal setting time, and the one thing that is lacking in my life is romance. I just can't seem to fall in love. I've tried all the different avenues for meeting people from single's events to doing nothing (they say the less you look, the more likely you are to find love). Well, so far, whether I'm looking or not, I haven't found it. I have found a lot of fun, flirty, guy-friends, and that is fulfilling to a point, but I want the real deal....those illusive butterflies...that can't-wait-to-kiss-you-want-to-spend-every-minute-with-you madness. Am I destined to never have that again?

Here are some of the various excuses and rationalizations explaining why I never seem to fall in love:

1) I'm unrealistically picky. I even nix guys that are "too good-looking".
2) I've never gotten over my post-divorce rebound guy.
3) I don't have time.
4) I'm a Cybersexual (This is a word I use to explain my love for Laptop Guy).
5) I hate dating "chit-chat" (This time I'll reveal TMI before we even meet.)
6) I don't want to give up my flirty "pretend" boyfriends.
7) Guys my age are often discouragingly unappealing.
8) I do not like to deal with rejection...either giving it or getting it.
9) The guys I'm attracted to are those that are the most unavailable.
10) I hear about friends' boyfriends and realize being single's not so bad.

Some of the excuses are lame. Some are valid. But I need a challenge for 2008 so here it is. I am vowing here and now, with the internet world as my witness (which doesn't mean too much since not that many people read my blog) that I WILL fall in love in 2008. And when I make a goal, I become obsessive about it. I have lists, and little milestones, I read books and play games where I give myself "points" for doing things that move me closer to meeting my goals. A bit weird, but that's me. (Maybe I should add "I'm too weird" to my list of why I don't fall in love.)

So as part of my "Love Goal", yesterday I signed up for Match.Com's "6-month guarantee" program. This means I have to keep my profile public and respond or email at least 5 new guys a month. I'm also going to have a personal goal to meet at least 1 new guy for a "meeting/date" a month.

Now I really don't like online dating for a variety of reasons (I won't bore you with another list), but in order to make this fun, I've decided that each month I will have a little game to figure out who my date is going to be. Then I'll give the date a public evaluation via blog. I figure it will kind of be like "The Bachelor" but in blog-format. (Yes, I am the Bachelorette...please no snickers from my audience.) I'm going to be up-front with my potential dates and let them read my blog. I only want to go out with someone gutsy enough to risk getting a public "date evaluation".

I suspect that such a game will turn off a lot of potential dates. That doesn't bother me because, as we've established, I don't like dating anyway. This will help me find someone that's just crazy enough to humor me with my silly games. Such a man may not exist, but if he does, he'll at least score some points in my love game!