To Fly or To Drive - That is the Question!

I’m flying to Los Angeles as I write this, starting my obsessively-talked about “Snowbird Plan” to escape Colorado’s winter cold. Unfortunately, it appears to be the one week of the year that southern CA is experiencing a lot of rain. Better than the snow that’s expected in Boulder this week, so I’ll take it.

This trip is just the first in a series of trips I’m planning for the winter.. a week-long-vacation to visit my sister and friends and not really in contention for the sought-after “perfect warm-weather-winter-spot” that I might retire to some day. (Too expensive and crowded, but great for a visit.)

But let me get to the point. I’m coming back to Los Angeles on Feb.3 to compete in an escape room competition and from there, I’d like to spend a few weeks in Arizona. I need to be back home in Colorado for the final week of February before flying to Florida for the next in my series of snowbird excursions.

I need to decide today whether I’m going to:

Fly: Fly to CA, Fly from CA to AZ (rent a car or use public transportation & Uber), Fly Home to CO

Drive: Road trip to CA with my son, Drive to AZ (have my car while there), Drive back home to CO

Here are the advantages of both options:

Fly Option: Low-stress; Someone else does the driving (not my strong suit). No need for multi-day road trips in winter; (My phobia about winter-weather-driving is one of my primary reasons for doing the snowbird thing in the first place!) Road-tripping (sitting for several hours at a time) is bad for my back.

Drive Option: Overall, cheaper (but may be a wash, when you consider the road-trip time.) More of an adventure; Much more convenient for getting around and exploring a new place; Ability to transport more of my stuff when I hole up for a few weeks. Would have a memorable road-trip experience to CA with my son. I’d possibly be able to find someone who would road trip back to Boulder from AZ with me which would be fun. I’d be getting out of my comfort zone (which is always empowering for me!) If I fly, I’d probably end up renting a car, and stressing about driving in unfamiliar place with unfamiliar car--better to drive with my CARpe DM-mobile!

What say you, O-Wise-Readers? I especially want input from family and good friends who know both about my driving “issues” (too slow, fear of being sandwiched between big trucks, prone to provoking road rage from neighboring drivers, being directionally challenged, phobias about winter weather), but also know that I get excited about facing my fears and accomplishing something that’s a challenge for me.

Week 2 Goals: Sign up on Freelance Site (Goal #57) & Unassisted Pull-Up (Goal #1)

Two weeks into the New Year and I have been ultra-productive with my goals! This week I completed two from my 60-until-60 list: Signing up on Freelance Sites (Goal #57) and doing an Unassisted Pull-up (Goal #1)

Signing up on Freelance Sites

I LOVE all the extra time I have now that I don't have to commute or spend 9 hours a day in an office. I'd been afraid of getting bored or lonely once I stopped working, but it's actually the opposite! 

WHY, then, do I have a goal to sign up for freelance work?  Should this be a priority? A very annoying and loud voice in my head is screaming: STOP WORKING!

But it's kind of in my DNA.  It feels weird and uncomfortable not to work. I'm even 'working' every day on all these goals and loving it, because they give me purpose, keep me challenged, and help me grow.  I love being an agile coach, and I don't want to give it up completely.  I just want to limit the work to part-time work that I can do from anywhere.  My user story is refined to:

Sign up on freelance sites so that I can be made aware of short-term, part-time, freelance, or remote opportunities that I'd enjoy.

There is an awesome set of resources available for people looking for remote or freelance jobs, especially in IT. I'd been meaning to sign up on some of these sites and this week I did.

As evidence that I completed this goal, below is a screenshot of one of the sites I signed up on noting that I was "Available for Work!"

Besides signing up on a couple of job sites, I also contacted some of the groups I've worked with in the past. Last week I had a two interviews and a proposal I submitted for an article was accepted. I also got asked to write some blog posts and to do some coaching. So tomorrow, I will be back to work, but totally in control of my time!

What worked well:

• Discovering how many resources were available for freelance, part-time, and remote work. It made me feel more secure that there were a lot of avenues for finding work outside of the traditional 8-5 office job.
• I found some interesting opportunities through some of these sites. 

What could be better:

• Contacting people directly (as I did) worked better for getting freelance work than the freelance sites and it also cuts out the middle man. The freelance sites are OK, but they do take a cut and the pay is typically lower than what I get when working directly with a client.  Also, I would advise caution on some of these sites. I'm not sure if they're all reputable and sometimes I do get weird spammy auto-generated calls about suspicious 'job opportunities.'

Doing an Unassisted Pull-up

I already posted my 'demo' video on Facebook! 

What worked well:

• Since Lifetime Fitness is down the street, it's been easy for me to get in the habit of going and working out on the machines almost every day.
• I was surprised that I was able to do a pull-up after less than a month of working out on the pull-up machine. I'm hoping to be able to do a lot more by the end of the year.
• I notice a big difference in my strength, muscle mass, and body fat since going regularly to the gym! Percent Body Fat went from down from 31.6 to 23.3!
  

Could be better:

• My form doesn't look that great on that pull-up. I probably shouldn't be swinging around so much.

Comment time!

Writing these blog posts are only going to be fun if I get some comments, so I'm asking again for some feedback or comments either here on the blog or on Facebook!

Tell me what goals you're working on. How many pull-ups can you do? What experiences have you had with freelance work? Or just say, 'hi' (and tell me who you are!)

New Years Resolutions Opportunities

Because I’m a self-help goal-driven junkie, I subscribe to a lot of self-helpy things and my inbox is filled around this time of year with all kinds of New Year’s opportunities that I wanted to pass along. Goal-setting, Happiness, Running (or now, Walking), and Experiencing Life Fully are all things that I have a lot of passion around, so these all appeal to me:

• Daring to Live Fully 12x12 Challenge: 12 Challenges in 12 Months https://daringtolivefully.com/12-x-12-challenge

Marelisa Fabrega has an amazing blog that I subscribe to and she's always full of ideas for bucket lists and ways to achieve goals. In this post she suggests a variety of ways to slice and dice New Year's resolutions.

• The Happiness Project: https://gretchenrubin.com/

I've been reading Gretchen Rubin's books and listening to her podcast about Happiness for years. Her Happiness Project book steps through a year-long happiness project and now she's created a course that provides structure, videos, and a community for people who want to experience a Happiness Project together.  Unfortunately, I waited to long to write this blog post because the course is now closed until next year, but you can always get the book and listen to the podcasts. This podcast talks about the idea of setting 19 goals for 2019.

• Run the Edge 2019 Miles in 2019: https://runtheedge.com/run-the-year-2019/

I participated in Run the Edge last year and I'm doing it again this year. You need to walk or run an average of about 5.5 miles a day to have a total of around 2019 miles for the year. If you have a Fitbit or other device that tracks your steps, you can auto-sync it up and automatically get 'credit' for all the steps you take throughout the day. This has really kept me moving throughout the year! If you don't think you can do that many miles on your own, you can team up with others and together try and reach the 2019 miles. (I have Team Carpe Diem with my neighbor Bonnie, but there's room for two other people!

• Liv: http://meetliv.com/

This is a community that's all about having fun and unique experiences.. You can get a membership and earn Liv coins in various ways which will allow you to participate in fun trips and events. I'm holding off getting a membership for now since I have too many other things going on, but I did join the #LivListChallenge for free, so maybe I'll win a membership and event.

More goals to consider!

I have my own set of 60 goals that I’m working on achieving in the 60 weeks leading up to my 60th birthday, but every day I hear about more cool events or experiences that I want to add to that list:

• See the Super Blood Wolf Moon Eclipse

I'm going to see this when I'm visiting my sister in LA next week! I'm excited that I'll be with her because A) she's a professional photographer so we'll have good pictures to remember the experience and B) it's a lot easier to go outside in January at night in LA than it is in Boulder.  Plus, it's just fun to experience this with someone you love.

• Walk2Connect: http://www.walk2connect.com/

A couple of weeks ago, my friend, Adam, told me about an event put on by this group, and I saw they had a whole calendar of events and walks in the area! This is a walking group, but their purpose is not just to walk, but to connect! My word for 2019 is "connection" because I not only want to accomplish goals, but to connect with people at the same time. Perfect!

• Camino de Santiago: http://santiago-compostela.net/

I went on one of the Walk2Connect walks (through the Boulder Ramblers Meetup group) and met two leaders from that group who had gone to Spain and walked the Camino SanTiago pilgrimage last year.  I'd heard about this, but never talked to anyone who had done it. It sounds wonderful! I don't know if I'll be able to do it this year, but it's on my list as something I want to consider!

• International Living’s Conference: https://internationalliving.com/conferences/

I'm so jonesing to get out of the cold and to a warm-weather spot that I spontaneously bought airline tickets to Panama, based on an article in International Living about Panama. It's apparently the #1 retirement spot! But about two minutes later I cancelled the tickets because I didn't want to go alone when I have no idea what I'm doing.  I did see there were some upcoming conferences, though, so I'm strongly considering going to one of those to get my snowbird plan in action!

Carpe Diem Connections

Are you also a goal-setter and someone who's determined to live life fully?

Join my Carpe Diem Connection Facebook page or my Carpe Diem Connections Meetup Group! 

Week 1 Goal: Call friends and relatives who I haven’t seen in years

OK, people, it's official! My 60-week birthday party has begun! As my sister so delicately pointed out yesterday, I tend to overwhelm myself with goals at the New Year and go a little crazy because I'm so excited about doing so many things!

Creating the User Story

In order to keep focus, I'm using some of the techniques I teach to Agile teams.  The first goal I choose from my backlog of 60 goals, was #7: Call friends and relatives who I haven’t seen in years.

In Agile circles we call this a "user story." It's something we want to accomplish in a short-timeframe (in my case, a 1-week iteration) that will add value, but we need to ask two important questions: Why do we want to do this? and How will we know when it's done?  We also might add tasks and when we start working on this, we may need to adjust how we're going about accomplishing this.

I refined this story to:

Call at least 10 friends and relatives to reconnect with, invite them to my 60-week-birthday-party, and ask them for a song to contribute to my party playlist (see items 25-27 on my backlog)

Now I know I'm "done" when I've called at least 10 people and I am clear about my purpose.

Some might think I'm not really "done" if I didn't call at least 60 people since that's how many songs I want on my playlist, but I will worry about getting all 60 songs and inviting others to my virtual party when I'm working on those stories. We want to keep these stories manageable to something I can do in a week.  This story is part of two bigger features..  one to be more connected and one to plan and execute my 60-week-birthday party.

Doing the "work"
You may think it's easy to call 10 friends and relatives but it is a little awkward to call people who you don't normally call. You feel worried about interrupting them or that they may think you're bothering them with another one of your crazy ideas that they don't really want to participate in (no.. that NEVER happens to me!)

My first call was to my Aunt who lives in Pittsburg and the first words she said were, "Is anything wrong?"  Quite an understandable concern when a relative calls you from out of the blue.

I decided it might be a good idea to send an email to the people I was planning to call to give them a head's up. I also asked for phone numbers for those distant relatives who's numbers I didn't have.  I didn't get much response to this, but that's OK. I've learned over the years, that some people think my ideas are weird. They, perhaps, are not the best people to invite to a 60-week-virtual-birthday-party.

Once I stopped thinking I had to call distant relatives who don't know me and changed the focus to people who are accustomed to my quirky ideas. it became much easier.

Doing the Demo - IMPORTANT NOTE TO ANYONE READING!!
Once we do the work, we want to demo to our customers or stakeholders some evidence that we accomplished what we set out to do. You, my loyal blog readers, will be my 'customers.' Though I know you probably have no skin in this game, this helps me have some accountability.  It will help if you give me feedback in the comments, since that is your role here, but, sadly, I rarely get comments either on the blog or on Facebook (except from my favorite anonymous blog commenter, MB! I'm counting on you!!)

People I haven't talked to for a long time and their song:
1. Chris Y. - My Way
2. Aunt Frances - Maybe Ave Marie
3. Aunt Nancy - Mack the Knife or Fascination
4. Dee O. - Ebb Tide
5. Alma P. - Help Me Make it Through the Night
6. Peter F. - TBD
7. Nancie F. - TBD but will pick a 60's song
8. Kay D. - TBD
9. Stella K. - TBD
10. Lucia F. - Unchained Melodies

Also, for demo purposes, I did get a picture of my call with my Aunt Lucia, but she didn't like the way she looked in it (duh! Does anyone think they look good with these Webcams?)

My sister, Michele, who has been a solid supporter in my ventures volunteered herself and her husband, Ray, to help with this demo. This is much appreciated since it's quite out-of-character that he was amenable to this request.

The Retrospective / Learnings
What worked well:

• It turns out my phone connection works much better with FaceTime than without it! Weird! 
• It was really fun catching up with people I hadn't talked to in a long time!
• Most people really liked my 60-week-birthday-party idea!
• I got some good ideas of things that I can do in the next 60 weeks!
• It was fun to get the pictures of the FaceTime calls and don't Michele and Ray look so cute?

What didn't work so well:

• It was harder to get contact information for distant relatives than I thought it would be.
• It's hard for people to come up with a song for my playlist on the spot. (But that's OK, I have plenty of time to collect those.)

Getting Feedback:
Here is my ask: You can say ANYTHING, but, if you made it this far, please leave a comment.  Here are some examples of things you might say:

• Can I go to your 60-week virtual/real party even though it sounds confusing? (The answer is Yes!)
• Here's what my song would be for your playlist: [your song here]
• This blog post is too long.
• Hi
• Why didn't you call me?
• You are a geek.
• What are you doing in Week 2?
• I think you should have called your 'ex'.
• This is brilliant! I love how you use Agile to accomplish your goals! Will you work for me?
• This is fake news.

60 Until 60 Celebration: Jan.1, 2019 - Feb.26, 2020

I was born in 1960. Feb 26, 1960, to be exact. If you do the math, that means I'm 58. I want to be clear about that because as soon as I start talking about all this '60' magic, people start thinking I'm already 60.  Still in my 50's people!

However, being the obsessively goal-oriented person I am, I thought it might be fun to have a 60-week countdown to my 60th birthday. Counting 60 weeks backwards from my 60th birthday, I discovered was January 1, 2019! My 60th birthday is EXACTLY - to the day - 60 weeks after New Years Day.

That’s like some kind of woo-woo numerology magic, right? It’s like a “twofer” goal-setting deal. I already try to figure out some kind of weekly goals for New Years and now it doubles as my 60-until-60 project!

I’ve been pondering exactly what 60 things I should do for my 60 until 60 project (I have a 32 page document with ideas!) but I’ve narrowed it down to the list below as a starting point. I’m going to be all ‘Agile’ about this not keep these set in stone, but I will have a weekly “demo,” “retrospective” and plan for the next week. I also want to find people who have their own goals so we can collaborate and support one another.  So take a look at the list below and let me know what goals you have for the New Year!

1. Keep doing strength building exercises do at least one unassisted pull-up. Accomplished Week 2: 1/11/19. 
2. Hike in beautiful spots Including Crested Butte during wildflower season Accomplished Week 32 
3. Participate and dress up in at least one fun race like the Bolder Boulder Accomplished Week 22
4. Research bone-healthy recipes and make dinner to share with other friends who are working on their bone strength Accomplished Week 6: 2/7/19
5. Learn a choreographed dance Accomplished Week 21: 5/25/19
6. Try PickleBall Accomplished Week 34
7. Call 10 friends and relatives who I haven’t seen in a long time to invite them to my 60-week virtual BD party and get a song for my playlist. - Accomplished Week 1: 1/7/19
8. Take a work mentor to dinner. - Accomplished Week 37
9. Every week share a “Cool Thing of the Week” via social media and encourage others to do the same. Accomplished Week 12: 3/24/19
10. Foster strong and deep communication with everyone I meet. Aim to have at least one positive social connection every day and at least one event every week.  Accomplished Week 30
11. Write a gratitude letter to the police who helped me during a family emergency Accomplished Week 44
12. Visit my Mom & brother in Sacramento as well as others in Northern CA who are available: Accomplished Week 50 
13. Visit my sister in Southern CA and go to this super-cool bookstore (among other things). Accomplished Week 3: 1/18/19
14. Practice a mindset of kindness and gratitude and journal weekly about reflections Accomplished Week 46
15. Contribute to any cause that a friend asks me to support Accomplished Week 27
16. Participate in efforts to help those with ALS and their caregivers Accomplished Week 48
17. Learn digital photography better with the help of a professional photographer (my sister, Michele) Accomplished Week 4: 1/28/19
18. Learn how to Meditate Accomplished Week 19: 5/11/19
19. Learn more about poetry and write a poem Accomplished Week 16: 4/21/19
20. Practice the piano and be able to play some of the pieces I used to play well along with some new pieces Accomplished Week 38
21. Experiment learning a new instrument - maybe the ukulele Accomplished Week 18
22. Sing with a group Accomplished 8/8/19 (Blogged about Week 33)
23. Explore an acting class or group and try to get a part in a play Accomplished 8/8/19 (Blogged about Week 33)
24. Get better at a foreign language (Spanish, French, and/or Italian) and practice with a friend Accomplished Week 24
25. Put together a playlist of at least 60 songs by gathering songs from friends Accomplished Week 58
26. Plan and host my 60th virtual/real birthday party Accomplished Feb.26, 2020
27. Create slideshows of the celebrations I have throughout my 60-week ‘party’ Accomplished Week 36
28. Host a theme party (Flamingo, Carpe Diem, Wine-Tasting, Murder Mystery, Games, Purple,etc.) Accomplished Week 25
29. Go to a foreign country and practice speaking the native language Accomplished Week 54
30. Research and explore snowbird locations Accomplished Week 15
31. Go to Disneyworld with the Tidds Accomplished Week 9: 2/28-3/1
32. Go to the Albuquerque Balloon Festival with Stella and Matt Walk 2019 miles in 2019 Accomplished Week 49
33. Go to the Meowolf exhibit in Santa Fe with Stella and Matt Accomplished July 6, 2019 (Week 28 Blog Post)
34. Visit New England in the Fall with Rebecca R. Accomplished Week 41
35. Do some TBD adventure with Scotty Accomplished Week 5: 1/30/19-2/1/19 Road Trip to CA
36. Visit Minnesota friends in August Accomplished Week 33 
37. Do a roadside altar road trip with Rebecca M. Accomplished Week 39
38. See all the movies that are up for Best Picture Accomplished Week 8
39. Dress up and go to a musical at the theater Accomplished Week 29 and Week 31
40. Read a book that’s on the best seller list Accomplished Week 45
41. Binge watch a Netflix series with someone Accomplished Week 23
42. Clean my basement window-wells Accomplished Week 17
43. Try marble contact paper on an old table Accomplished Week 40
44. Clean and organize the ‘craft area’ of my basement Create a Girl Cave
45. Sell, give-away, throwaway and organize what’s left of my games, puzzles, and toys Accomplished Week 29
46. Sell, give-away, throwaway and organize what’s left of my books Accomplished Week 14
47. Clean out my wardrobe and get rid of old clothes that I never wear Accomplished Week 10
48. Put DIY flooring or carpets in basement Accomplished (sort of) Week 47
49. Put DIY walls in basement that will allow me to hang pictures, etc. Accomplished Week 52
50. Refurbish window sills and baseboards that are old and chipped Accomplished Week 20
51. Label and repair my breaker box Accomplished Week 29
52. Get rid of or repair floor lamps Accomplished Week 29
53. Hang pretty lights in basement and bedroom Accomplished Week 43
54. Fix up den as a potential airBnB room for rent Accomplished Week 11
55. Buy something at a Thrift store and fix it up Accomplished Week 51
56. Create a course about using Agile in everyday life
57. Sign up on sites to get freelance Agile coaching / training gigs: Accomplished Week 2: 1/13/19
58. Update Website with my coaching / training / writing accomplishments Accomplished Week 42
59. Create outline for book about Agile in everyday life Accomplished Week 26
60. Continue to write freelance articles Accomplished Week 13

Practicing Retirement

I love my job as an Agile independent consultant, but I've been wanting to have some time between gigs to "practice" retirement.  As friends and family will attest, I've been very frugal -- let's just say it: cheap! -- with the goal of retiring by age 60.

At age 58.75, I've been somewhat obsessed with the idea of retirement, both with the standard Pollyanna excitements and Negative Nellie fears.

Pollyanna:

• I can do whatever I want! 
• I'll host a Carpe Diem network and find my 'tribe'.
• I'll have the time to travel, pursue hobbies, exercise, and have new adventures every week!
• I'll have parties, socialize, foster all my relationships, and with all my internet-dating and social-media savvy skills find the man of my dreams!

Negative Nelly:

• I will be bored.
• I will miss my high-paying Agile consulting work and instead be hosting Meetups that bomb for lack of interest.
• I will always be worried about spending money so instead of spending a penny on hobbies and adventures, I will cheaply play on my computer all day, blindly hopping from one site to another, depressed and only somewhat amused by funny YouTube videos.
• I will become progressively more sick, ugly, stupid,  decrepit, and grumpy and only get online dating interest from men who are worse than me in all of those categories or those looking for GGILFs.  Only one or two people will show up to my parties even when I invite ALL my say-they're-my-friends-but-really-they're-too-lazy-to-do-more-than-LIKE-one-of-my-facebook-posts. I don't get a single heart emoji from anyone.

Since Thanksgiving, I've been loving the time off and feeling a lot more Pollyanna-ish than Negative Nelly-ish.  

I have been VERY busy living life fully, embracing every holiday event, looking for opportunities to spend quality time with family and friends.  I also want to write more, read more, learn more, experience more!  Just to give you a little flavor of the fun I've been having:

• Hiked Chautauqua with my friend and fellow-coach, Ryan visiting from Boise.

• Had an awesome family Thanksgiving at Scotty's new house in Colorado Springs (now all my kids are officially home-owners!)

•  Cleaning and organizing my basement
•  Went to see an Elvis impersonator honoring police with a former police officer and good friend

•  Learned about an intriguing network: Liv and befriended someone who's actively involved.
• Beta Tested a game about the Law of Attraction for Financial Goals

• Got a luscious massage from CoCo who works miracles on my back
• Went on the Golden Candlelight Walk and Fireworks with a good friend I hadn't seen for years

• Went to see Mary Poppins at the theater with a good friend who knew "Mary Poppins"!

• Went to a singing Meetup Group (even though I didn't actually sing)

• Started my own Meetup Group, Carpe Diem Connections
• Hosted a Conversation Salon about passions
• Went to a meeting to explore the possibility of going to Italy in May
• Got on Bumble and met a few people including a 51-year-old hottie with massive muscles
• Bought Solar Panels and had them installed at my home

• Went to a Book Release party celebrating the publication of a friend's book

• Am taking part in a CU experiment testing the effectiveness of edibles on lower back pain

• Planning my next Snowbird Experiment to Tampa
• Weightlifting at Lifetime Fitness and seeing notable improvement in Skeletal Muscle Mass!

• Made a new friend, Francisco.
• Got a surprise Christmas wreath in the mail from a good friend, Chris.
• Got together for a gal-pal brunch hosted by recovering back-pain-sufferer friend, Cathy.

I wrote a blog post about each of these in my head.  I worked at fully appreciating each experience and noticing the smells, sights, sounds, and emotions and thought about how I could best describe the event so the reader would feel they were right there. I was so witty in my head.

My Pollyanna wants to write a perfect blog post or poem or journal entry about every one of those experiences. My Nellie does not want to spend any more time in front of the computer. I'm hoping to keep both voices satisfied. Write regularly... but keep the blog post short, sweet and imperfect, so I can keep up with living!

Walk On!

I admit it. I'm competitive. If there's a way to get points, I want to get as many as possible. When I was a runner, I was always trying to get a PR. 

In January when my physical therapist told me to stop running because of back pain, I was bummed. "Walk instead" was the recommendation.

Really? Walk? But that's so...  slow! But, like the Type A person I am, I immediately bought myself a Blaze Fitbit and became obsessive with my steps. I get in at least 10,000 steps a day even if it means I'm doing laps around my couch at the end of the day.

It turns out, this walking habit has a lot going for it!

• My back is feeling better than it has in years! And there are a bunch of other health benefits that you get from walking.
• I really have fun discovering new places to walk or hike. 
• Hiking can be as much of an aerobic workout as running. There were some pretty steep climbs on the hike at Lost Maples that I went on last weekend.
• Hiking / Walking Meetups are a great way to make new friends! 
• It's a lot easier to find people to walk with than it is to find people to run with.
• I can get a lot of steps in at work without having to change into gym clothes.
• I can listen to podcasts or audiobooks for much longer than I was able to when running.
• I can talk on the phone while I walk.
• I don't mind when the car is parked far from where I need to go and usually prefer to take the longer route so I can get more steps. (I have gotten lost a lot at the huge USAA site which has really helped my step count!)
• Bolder Boulder was much more fun walking (and playing and dancing!) than it ever was running.
• I can always stop to take pictures or just enjoy the beauty of a scenic spot instead of running past it.
• It's free and easy to get CharityMiles just from walking.
• My FitBit helps me keep track of all the miles I'm walking and keeps me motivated by having those competitive gaming features.

Yup, I'm feeling really grateful that I'm able to walk and hike without getting the backaches I used to get daily.

But I'm very well aware that that may not always be the case.

There was a man on our Lost Maples hike who was having a lot of trouble keeping up with the group. I was very impressed with one of my new friends, Jackie. She stayed with him the whole time and supported him, literally, so he wouldn't fall. While the rest of us were busy getting in our workouts, Jackie was patiently caring for someone who needed help.

If there were a way to earn 'good karma points' Jackie would have won them that day.  It was a good reminder that maybe it's more important to slow down enough to help someone else than to worry about how many steps I'm getting.

Now all I need is an app that gives me 'good karma points' and I'll be all over that!

UPDATE: Look at these kindness apps I just found! Let's go win some good karma points!

The Snowbird Experiments - "Dating" San Antonio

Now that I'm nearing retirement, I'd like to find a warm-weather "snowbird spot" during the winter months.  But where? Southern California? Arizona? Florida? Mexico? Costa Rica? I've been trying to decide if I should try a different place every year or maybe try a new place every month until I find the 'right' spot. I'm using the, 'I'll know it when I see it' philosophy. 

Of course, so far, that philosophy hasn't worked out so well in finding a mate, but at least when it comes to picking out a new place to live, there are no worries of rejection. Places are so easy that way. I don't have to be concerned whether or not they love me as much as I love them. I also have no worries about my home in Colorado wanting me to be exclusive. We have a very open relationship.

So what am I looking for in a snowbird place?  My snowbird dating profile would look something like this:

Looking for a beautiful place that offers winter warmth and sunshine.  I'd like to find a suburb with a big city nearby for a dress-up night at the theater as well as nearby trails and parks offering plenty of natural beauty. But most importantly, I'd like to find a place that has warmth, not only in its climate, but in the people who live there. I'm looking for a culture which is welcoming and accepting, where I can find friends who will join me in living life fully.

I've gotten a little experience in trying to find friends in new places when I moved to Eden Prairie, MN, for 6 months for a work assignment. The Minnesota experiment was a huge success and I made some of the closest friends of my life. Unfortunately, though it was an awesome "fling," those cold winters do not qualify Minnesota to even be a consideration as a Snowbird "relationship."

When I got a short-term contract at USAA in San Antonio, it felt like a good opportunity for the first of the Snowbird Experiments. Even though San Antonio wasn't on my list for potential snowbird locations, it's warmer than Colorado, so I'm renting a room in an Airbnb for 4 weeks.  It's a good opportunity for me to figure out if 4 weeks is enough time to get "into a relationship" with a place.
Here how it's going so far:

Weather
There have been some gorgeous 70+ degree days in November.  One night it was warm enough to walk the whole length of the famed and beautiful River Walk after work!

However, now there's a cold front coming in. I'm writing this as I'm listening to wind and rain (which actually IS kind of nice to listen to...on occasion).

On Halloween night there was a torrential downpour right when rush hour traffic was at its worst. There's also a lot of fog. One of the big reasons I want a winter snowbird location is because I HATE driving in bad weather, and even though there's rarely snow here, the driving has been stressful for me. That night I thought I'd made a mistake of even thinking of 'going out with' San Antonio.


Making Friends
Hands down, the thing that makes a place feel more like home is finding friends. I've found that Meetup.Com is an excellent way to meet new friends, so I joined Hiking, Dancing, and Agile Meetups before I even got to San Antonio.

Since I'm only here for 4 weeks, I really had to "fast path" this friend-making business. I was hoping to find a friend before my first weekend so I'd have someone who could show me around the city, so I went to my first Hiking Meetup after work on Nov.1 (the day after I'd been thinking of 'dumping' San Antonio) with the hopes of meeting someone.

The weather was a perfect 70 degrees and the first person I met on the hike was this very tall early-retired military police! (I'll call him HG for Hot Guy!) HG, like me, had been a runner and had had to give it up.. his was because of his knees and mine is because of my back, but he could relate to back problems, too.  He'd gotten back recently from a long trip to Thailand and I was in awe of someone who can travel alone so easily. I have challenges traveling by myself even here in San Antonio!

I kept thinking I should ask HG if he was free on the weekend, but he was "out of my price range." (A phrase one of my friends uses to mean "out of my league.") Besides being a HG, he's only 49. But then I got a Meetup message from him asking if I'd be up for a drink some time, so I got the courage to ask him if he'd be willing to take me around San Antonio and he said, 'Sure!'

Exploring

HG was an excellent tour guide. He took me to the two biggest attractions on TripAdvisor for San Antonio, The River Walk and the Alamo. He also introduced me to the Prickly Pear Margarita at Boudro's on the River Walk without even knowing that I have a quest to find the perfect margarita!

HG also showed me where he used to work at Fort Sam, his beautiful home, and then we ended the day at a Happy Hour at Sustenio at the Elian hotel, close to where I'm staying.

Overall, the day was perfect! I walked over 22K steps without the trace of a back ache, the weather was gorgeous, and I loved how open and generous HG was, sharing his time and thoughts. I was trying not to be all insecure about my age or height. I'm 9 years older and 16.5 inches shorter than HG. But another thing I liked about HG is he didn't seem to care how old or short I was. I know he could be going out with anyone and he chose to spend the day with me.

I started to really like San Antonio!

Dating

I haven't written much about my dating life since publishing my book. Lots of reasons for that..  privacy, and who really cares, anyway? You get past a certain age and you think society sees you (especially if you're an older woman) as no longer attractive or desirable.  I know 'cougars' are very trendy, but... that never was my cup of tea.

These days I go searching for friends, communities, and beautiful spots, rather than 'dates.' But having an unexpected 'date' (yeah, I'm calling it that) with HG has made me think that maybe I should 'get out there' again.  Being single is great and I love all the freedom that comes with it, but..  life is much better when shared with someone else.

Experiment Results
I'm only half-way through with my San Antonio stay, but here's my summary of this relationship: It started out a little rocky. San Antonio did not make a great first impression, but over time, I found things to love. I don't think I've found "the place" but I feel grateful that I'm getting to experience this unique and beautiful place.

Whether it's a place or a person, I'm finding that going in with no expectations, no pressure, and no need to find perfection makes dating so much more enjoyable. Rather than looking for "the one" (or, "the place") maybe it's best just to enjoy and discover all there is to love about whoever you're with and wherever you are at this present time.

Happiness is... knowing you're not alone, even when you're lonely

This won't be my typical "Happiness is... " blog post. Even though I do have so much to be grateful for, I've been going through a funk.

I've been through funks before, much bigger than this, and I know they don't last.  In fact, on a scale of 1 to 3, this one's only a Category 1 using the following key to funk rating:

Funk Categories
1: Feeling intermittently sad or lonely, but easily able to feel happy after talking to a trusted friend
2: Depressed and not wanting to talk to anyone
3: Crying a lot, not sleeping, feeling very lonely and afraid of my future

The Category 3 type funks have been a result of major problems- deaths, my divorce, a layoff, major illnesses of someone I love

While I was worried about my back, I was in Category 3 Funk Mode. When the doctor reassured me that my back was not that bad, I went into Category 3 Euphoria! (See key below)

Happiness Categories
1: Content with my life and all its ups and downs
2: Happy, Playful, Flirtatious, Social, Excited about possibilities, passions, interests
3: Euphoria! In LOVE (sometimes with a guy, but could also be with life, as was the case this time.)

So..  what happened? Why did I go from Euphoria! to Feeling intermittently sad and lonely?  I won't get into all the reasons of my emotional roller coaster, other than to say that I'd much rather be in a Category 1 Funk than my recent Category 3 Funk with an imagined future of debilitating pain.  Sometimes it just takes time for those fears of the unknown to settle down.  Luckily, I spend most of my life in Happiness Categories 1 and 2 and I'm confident that those are just around the corner.

I know from talking to those trusted friends (not to mention my own study of positive psychology) that

• Most of us will "act happy" even when we're not. This isn't to be fake or dishonest.. it's just that it often helps to kick us out of our funk.
• We all have times when we're lonely or sad, even when it feels like we "shouldn't" be because, after all, we have so much to be grateful for. (For me, this can make me feel even worse because I hate wasting any moment of this precious life with negative emotions.)

We see so many positive things on social media (and I'd much prefer to see positive things than all the negative things that get played up so much in the press.)  But just like romantic movies, seeing how happy others are can give us this unrealistic idea that everyone has better relationships, a better life, a better career, etc. than us!  In reality, we all have our funks..  Categories 1,2,3 and everything in between! Some, I'm' sure go way beyond Category 3!

This happiness post has a video of a college student who created a video about loneliness. In it, she does a good job of describing feelings of loneliness. I used to blame my bouts of loneliness on being single, but then I remembered some of the times I was most lonely was when I was married. I had these expectations that my husband would be like those romantic movie husbands... always be able to show his love in exactly the way I needed when I needed it.  That is impossible for anyone..

In the midst of this Category 1 Funk I've been in, my good friend, Rebecca Ritter, invited me to join her at a mixed-faith church service.  It reminded me that, though my faith isn't as strong as I'd like it to be, my belief in God has always gotten me through even the worst of my funks.  I know that any loneliness I feel must pale in comparison to so many others.  In times of loneliness, it helps to know, as much as we might feel otherwise, we are not alone.

In the words of St. Francis:

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

Happiness is... Realizing a Medical Scare is not as Bad as You Feared

Me and my sexy, curvy spine cutting loose on the dance floor with son-in-law, Chris!

I have been SO scared these last two weeks.  I didn't write a blog post about it because it really didn't fit in with my blog theme..  Happiness is... being scared to death that you are destined to live a life of debilitating back pain, lose all your independence, your retirement nest egg, have to live in a nursing home, leaving your children having to watch you suffer and thinking you'd be better off dead..  Yeah, those were the terrifying thoughts that were going through my head constantly. Not at all happy.

I have two conditions that can lead to some serious back pain: scoliosis (curved spine diagnosed when I was 13) and osteoporosis (loss of bone density diagnosed 4 years ago when I was 54).  I've told people that I feel like my spine is a human Jenga game and I'm afraid one day it will all collapse. And tragically, for some people, that happens.

That being said, I wasn't too worried about either of these conditions until this year when I started to have some pretty bad back pain. I went to a couple of doctors who recommended giving up running and building up my core muscles. I did those things, and yay! for the most part, the back pain got better.

I was very proud of my diligence in keeping up with my daily core exercises and walking (I am killing it on the FitBit!) and happy I could still do a lot of the activities I love..  especially hiking and dancing! I improved my eating habits and overall have felt extremely healthy, so was ready for a glowing report when I went in for my annual physical last month.

Most of the results came up positive except I'd lost another 1/2" of height leaving me at just 5'.05".  OK, not the end of the world.. but short is not usually associated with sexy. Just wear high heels, you say? Another thing I gave up because of the back problems. But, hey, short or not, I still can rock it on the dance floor, and losing another 1/2" was not really a huge cause for concern.

But just to be sure the height loss wasn't because of a fractured vertebra (which would indicate a very weak spine), I made an appointment to see someone at an Osteoporosis Clinic.  The doctor I saw there and what she said is what started me on this downward spiral of doom and gloom.  She ordered X-rays and when they came back it was obvious that my scoliosis curve had increased! In fact, it looked so freaky that I was amazed that I could walk, dance, or look normal at all!

The doctor at the Osteoporosis Clinic did a lot of things that scared me. In fact, every single thing she said was pessimistic on the first visit before even seeing the results of the X-ray.

• She told me her grandmother was in terrible back pain for years due to osteoporosis
• She told me most people die within a year of breaking a hip 
• When I asked her what exercises I could do to build bone density, she said that only walking for 30 minutes, 3x a week was clinically proven to improve bone density, giving me no other suggestions for exercise that would be a good idea for my health.
• She told me the improvement in my bone density scan was most likely a 'false positive' because of my scoliosis
• She told me she didn't recommend the current medicine I was on for bone density, but wouldn't give me recommendations for a different medicine without a follow-on visit. (I'm self-pay, and there's no way I'm going to pay another $300 for one more appointment with this doctor.)

When the X-Ray and results came back, they did not show the fracture that she was checking for (thank goodness!) but she did say, 'the severe scoliosis was what was likely causing my back pain.'

I put my freaky looking X-Ray on Facebook (something I now regret) because as comforting as all the thoughts, prayers, suggestions, and well-wishes were,  they also confirmed that everyone agreed that this looked bad... really bad.   Typically, I only put pictures on Facebook that make me look good, and this was worse than an ugly, naked picture. (By the way, I'm not going to post one to prove it, my curvy spine is not at all apparent in all the hot, sexy, naked pictures of me.)

In the mean time, after scouring the internet and getting books on both Scoliosis and Osteoporosis, I vacillated between hope and fear. There are 'alternative' chiropractic treatments for scoliosis, but they're controversial, especially for older people who's body has naturally adjusted to the curve.

There were lots of horror stories about pain with scoliosis, osteoporosis, and any associated surgeries. The torturous pain some people are enduring is unreal. One thing all the literature seemed to agree on... avoid spinal surgery if you can! It should only be done as a last resort.

Well, my appointment with the Orthopedic doctor was today and he was NOT CONCERNED AT ALL!! In fact, he said I should ski, run, do whatever I wanted! He said my spine looked great for my age (My poor freaky spine doesn't have to feel so bad after all..  Apparently, some people like curvy spines and he was a pretty hot doctor!)

Oh my God, you can't imagine the relief! I had been crying so much out of fear and now I was crying from relief! I didn't think such a prognosis was possible given that X-Ray.

Now, even though I mentally went from being scared shitless to rejoicing, I still have to consider the literature that says scoliosis that's progressing will keep progressing, so do something to stop it. According to this doctor and a lot of literature, braces and chiropractic treatments will not make things better, and can make things worse.  According to the chiropractic doctors, if you don't do something, it will get worse..  So, either way, I still am afraid the scoliosis will get worse, and I know the osteoporosis will get worse.

But, you know what? I'll worry about that another day..  For now, I'm more determined than ever to seize those pain-free days and thank God for every one of them!

Thank you, too, for all my friends and family who supported me through this scare. It's nice to know you all 'have my back'!