Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Friday Funnies: Rejection Humor
This week on the Love Project we are celebrating (or reframing) Rejection. One of the best things about the year I was gathering content for and writing The Laptop Dancer Diaries is that it forced me to find the humor in every day situations. Some of the funniest stories are stories of rejection... stories where in the past, I might have been embarrassed or upset about a date-gone-wrong, but instead thought to myself: This will make a great story for my book!
On Assignment Day this week, I pointed to a news story about Jon Friedman's comedy group that is all about rejection. There are a series of videos from (jonnyboots channel) as well as The Rejection Show Website with a bunch of funny videos. Here's an example:
On Assignment Day this week, I pointed to a news story about Jon Friedman's comedy group that is all about rejection. There are a series of videos from (jonnyboots channel) as well as The Rejection Show Website with a bunch of funny videos. Here's an example:
Friday, February 18, 2011
Friday Funnies: Kindness Humor
OK, people, it's getting tougher and tougher to find a theme-related "Friday Funny." I have managed to stick with this Love Project resolution this long, but I have to think of my reputation! If I post a stupid joke here, whoever the Anonymous person who commented that I was "hot" yesterday may change his mind!
After spending way too much time searching for "Kindness Humor," the best I could come up with is this joke found at a Travel Agent Humor Site.
Are you LYAO? I'm guessing that one didn't even warrant an LOL, so, here's another challenge for all you Love Project participants (uh.. Shirley... I think that would be you.) Each week when I announce the theme, put on your humor hat and come up with a funny video or blog post about the theme. We'll make it go viral. Or.. use your cyber-surf skills and recommend something that's already out here. Right now there seems to be a shortage of Kindness Humor, so if anyone wants to fill that gap, go at it!
After spending way too much time searching for "Kindness Humor," the best I could come up with is this joke found at a Travel Agent Humor Site.
Pure Kindness - Travel Agent Joke
Act of kindness? A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer.'
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she answered. 'I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?'
Are you LYAO? I'm guessing that one didn't even warrant an LOL, so, here's another challenge for all you Love Project participants (uh.. Shirley... I think that would be you.) Each week when I announce the theme, put on your humor hat and come up with a funny video or blog post about the theme. We'll make it go viral. Or.. use your cyber-surf skills and recommend something that's already out here. Right now there seems to be a shortage of Kindness Humor, so if anyone wants to fill that gap, go at it!
Friday, February 04, 2011
Friday (sort of) Funny and Personal Update
First things first. The Friday Funny on the Love Project for Knowing Yourself can be found here for a look at how the different Myers Briggs personality types view a glass of water.
(Note: You will only "get" this if you know are a Myers Briggs fan and even then you'll probably only be mildly amused, but it's the best I can do... If you have a better Friday Funny about "Knowing Yourself," let me know...)
----END LOVE PROJECT POST-----------------------
Now, this next part is an update on me, something I haven't done for awhile on this blog in an effort to be focused on The Love Project. Rest assured, these personal posts will be infrequent.
One of my New Year's resolutions was to "never complain." And the truth is, I've been very happy since 2011 began. Amazingly so. I realized that I had so many wonderful things in my life... so much love (even if not the romantic type)... and I consciously decided that I would never take it for granted, feel sorry for myself, or waste a minute being angry, sad, hurt, rejected, or any of that other negative stuff. I especially decided to never whine about a "broken heart" or have one of those pitiful "no one loves me" attitudes again.
I've wondered if it's appropriate to talk about what's going on in my love life on a blog. It's personal and you wonder why strangers would care... But surprisingly, sometimes they do.. And even when they don't, it's therapeutic for me, just to get out the thoughts going through my head... So here goes...
In December, 2009, I met someone who I will call "B." He was (is) so sweet, so cute, so romantic. I thought God had sent me B to help me through all the hard stuff....I was unemployed, my Dad had just been diagnosed with cancer, and I was turning 50 -- my "deadline" for falling in love. I figured God, as he has done in the past, was answering my prayers. I got a job, I felt like I'd finally fallen in love, and my Dad was responding remarkably well to the chemo.
Not only was B a sweet, romantic "boyfriend", he had a personality very much like my father's. They were very similar in politics, taste in movies and TV shows, and so many things. I'm guessing they both have the same Myers Briggs scores (INTJ) and would describe the glass as "made from silicon dioxide, heated to a temperature of ..." (They both are engineers.) My Dad (as I knew he would be) was thrilled that I was finally dating a Republican.
After a few months of dating B, I knew it wasn't right. I could tell he wasn't that into me. (A big clue was when he told me he didn't want to be in a committed relationship anymore...) Our communication styles were different. I'd say something meant to be a joke and he didn't laugh. I had almost the exact same "debates" with him that I'd had with my Dad. (In some cases, his words were so similar to my Dad's it was like some kind of Twilight Zone episode!) I knew in my heart of hearts that we were not a good match, but I could not let go. Despite our agreement to not be in a committed relationship, we still saw quite a lot of each other and transitioned into what's called on Facebook, a "complicated relationship."
Then my Dad got really sick. On his death bed, as my brother, sister, Mom and I were gathered around, we talked about politics! I kid you not! When the medics wanted to test his lucidity and asked if he knew who was President, he jokingly said, "I wish I didn't." My Dad, in his final hours, was actually worried about whether or not I would vote Republican or Democrat. (Did I mention, he never quite forgave me for voting for Obama?) My Mom reassured him, "Yvette's dating a Republican now, Honey." (In my Mom's mind, it goes without saying that I'd vote the same way as whoever I'm dating...)
Now, to be honest, I hate politics. But after Dad died I suddenly had this intense desire to make him proud and "be a good Republican" which is pretty crazy. I mean it's a little late now...
I also had this almost desperate need to be around B... even if just to listen to him talk about politics... it was like listening to my Dad. But I could see that the relationship with B was getting more and more one-sided and I knew.... just like I knew my Dad would die, I knew B didn't love me and I needed to move on.
That was 5 months ago. Since then I've half-heartedly dated other guys. B and I have seen each a few times. He is still sweet, cute, and always full of compliments, but has never even attempted to kiss me goodnight.
Today I learned B is in love with someone else. Not just "dating" someone, but really serious.
Maybe that's what I needed to hear to really move on. I'm trying to be happy for him. I know, know, know it never would have worked out between us.
I think about Craig, who couldn't move or talk, let alone have a date with anyone. Did he ever complain? Never! I think about all the friends and family who love me... I think about how lucky I am that I still get attention from guys. I think about people who are risking their lives for our country, people who are dying from all kinds of diseases, people who are poor, hungry, homeless in this frigid cold. I am so incredibly lucky.
So... I am not going to have a pity party. I am going to keep that New Year's resolution and squelch that urge to complain about my lack of boyfriend in this romantic month of February. I'm going to resist the temptations to agonize over why B didn't love me. I'm going to look forward to the new relationship that I know I will find now that I have a more open heart.
And... in an attempt to clear my heart of all complaints and bitterness, the most important thing I must remember is:
I'm SO much hotter than his new girlfriend! (Let's hope I never meet her so I can keep believing that...)
(Note: You will only "get" this if you know are a Myers Briggs fan and even then you'll probably only be mildly amused, but it's the best I can do... If you have a better Friday Funny about "Knowing Yourself," let me know...)
----END LOVE PROJECT POST-----------------------
Now, this next part is an update on me, something I haven't done for awhile on this blog in an effort to be focused on The Love Project. Rest assured, these personal posts will be infrequent.
One of my New Year's resolutions was to "never complain." And the truth is, I've been very happy since 2011 began. Amazingly so. I realized that I had so many wonderful things in my life... so much love (even if not the romantic type)... and I consciously decided that I would never take it for granted, feel sorry for myself, or waste a minute being angry, sad, hurt, rejected, or any of that other negative stuff. I especially decided to never whine about a "broken heart" or have one of those pitiful "no one loves me" attitudes again.
I've wondered if it's appropriate to talk about what's going on in my love life on a blog. It's personal and you wonder why strangers would care... But surprisingly, sometimes they do.. And even when they don't, it's therapeutic for me, just to get out the thoughts going through my head... So here goes...
In December, 2009, I met someone who I will call "B." He was (is) so sweet, so cute, so romantic. I thought God had sent me B to help me through all the hard stuff....I was unemployed, my Dad had just been diagnosed with cancer, and I was turning 50 -- my "deadline" for falling in love. I figured God, as he has done in the past, was answering my prayers. I got a job, I felt like I'd finally fallen in love, and my Dad was responding remarkably well to the chemo.
Not only was B a sweet, romantic "boyfriend", he had a personality very much like my father's. They were very similar in politics, taste in movies and TV shows, and so many things. I'm guessing they both have the same Myers Briggs scores (INTJ) and would describe the glass as "made from silicon dioxide, heated to a temperature of ..." (They both are engineers.) My Dad (as I knew he would be) was thrilled that I was finally dating a Republican.
After a few months of dating B, I knew it wasn't right. I could tell he wasn't that into me. (A big clue was when he told me he didn't want to be in a committed relationship anymore...) Our communication styles were different. I'd say something meant to be a joke and he didn't laugh. I had almost the exact same "debates" with him that I'd had with my Dad. (In some cases, his words were so similar to my Dad's it was like some kind of Twilight Zone episode!) I knew in my heart of hearts that we were not a good match, but I could not let go. Despite our agreement to not be in a committed relationship, we still saw quite a lot of each other and transitioned into what's called on Facebook, a "complicated relationship."
Then my Dad got really sick. On his death bed, as my brother, sister, Mom and I were gathered around, we talked about politics! I kid you not! When the medics wanted to test his lucidity and asked if he knew who was President, he jokingly said, "I wish I didn't." My Dad, in his final hours, was actually worried about whether or not I would vote Republican or Democrat. (Did I mention, he never quite forgave me for voting for Obama?) My Mom reassured him, "Yvette's dating a Republican now, Honey." (In my Mom's mind, it goes without saying that I'd vote the same way as whoever I'm dating...)
Now, to be honest, I hate politics. But after Dad died I suddenly had this intense desire to make him proud and "be a good Republican" which is pretty crazy. I mean it's a little late now...
I also had this almost desperate need to be around B... even if just to listen to him talk about politics... it was like listening to my Dad. But I could see that the relationship with B was getting more and more one-sided and I knew.... just like I knew my Dad would die, I knew B didn't love me and I needed to move on.
That was 5 months ago. Since then I've half-heartedly dated other guys. B and I have seen each a few times. He is still sweet, cute, and always full of compliments, but has never even attempted to kiss me goodnight.
Today I learned B is in love with someone else. Not just "dating" someone, but really serious.
Maybe that's what I needed to hear to really move on. I'm trying to be happy for him. I know, know, know it never would have worked out between us.
I think about Craig, who couldn't move or talk, let alone have a date with anyone. Did he ever complain? Never! I think about all the friends and family who love me... I think about how lucky I am that I still get attention from guys. I think about people who are risking their lives for our country, people who are dying from all kinds of diseases, people who are poor, hungry, homeless in this frigid cold. I am so incredibly lucky.
So... I am not going to have a pity party. I am going to keep that New Year's resolution and squelch that urge to complain about my lack of boyfriend in this romantic month of February. I'm going to resist the temptations to agonize over why B didn't love me. I'm going to look forward to the new relationship that I know I will find now that I have a more open heart.
And... in an attempt to clear my heart of all complaints and bitterness, the most important thing I must remember is:
I'm SO much hotter than his new girlfriend! (Let's hope I never meet her so I can keep believing that...)
Friday, January 28, 2011
Friday Funnies: Picture-a-Day Spoof - #love2011
This week on The Love Project we've been talking about Self-Portraits. My assignment was only ONE picture, but some people did a lot of extra credit! Check out this spoof on the picture-a-day videos like the type you can find here.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Friday Funnies: Makeover Spoof with ExoticJess - #love2011
This week the theme of The Love Project has been Beauty, with an assignment to get a makeover. For those of you who haven't participated yet, you might be interested in this very informative video!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Friday Funnies: A Week With a Personal Trainer
This week, The Love Project theme is goal-setting so for Friday Funnies, I'm going to pass along a funny anecdote that's been floating around the Internet. I don't know who the original author is, but I do want to give credit to the blog I found it on: Heidi Claire. Heidi's blog has all kinds of beautiful photos. In her profile she says:
What a perfect candidate for a Love Project participant! I am going to be following Heidi!
Do you have a blog post (humor or otherwise) about love or the theme of the week? Let me know and I'll feature it on my blog!
And now... On to the Friday Funny:
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape , I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and w hen she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_______________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up to day. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
"Through my blog I share my finds of what I love and learned. Sometimes there is something funny, because we can't take ourselves too seriously."
What a perfect candidate for a Love Project participant! I am going to be following Heidi!
Do you have a blog post (humor or otherwise) about love or the theme of the week? Let me know and I'll feature it on my blog!
And now... On to the Friday Funny:
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape , I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and w hen she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_______________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up to day. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Friday, January 07, 2011
Friday Funnies: Spoof of Affirmation Video #love2011
Well... I did not get a whole lot of links from all of you out there in the Cyber-world on my first assignment of love2011. But I do have to give a HUGE thank you to girlnutkin in the BA for her promotion of the project ! (She is awesome!) And I also give a big thank you to all those who participated by letting me video tape theme and post on my blog. In fact (I just decided this now) I'm going to send a special autographed copy of The Laptop Dancer Diaries (certain to hit the best-seller's list now that I've been doing affirmations), to.... drum roll please... Valerie, for her awesome 2011 affirmation video!
Now, the bunny, plant, and aging Jessica in the videos below did not (necessarily) do these as part of my assignment, but I have found YouTube had a good number of "Jessica Affirmation Spoofs." Here are a few for your viewing enjoyment..
Now, the bunny, plant, and aging Jessica in the videos below did not (necessarily) do these as part of my assignment, but I have found YouTube had a good number of "Jessica Affirmation Spoofs." Here are a few for your viewing enjoyment..
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Love Humor: The Perfect Man
This YouTube video is from the "Smack the Pony" dating series. I'd seen it once before, but I found it again on this recent post from the popular blog Hooking up Smart: Boyfriend Wanted: Clumsy Thumbs Need Not Apply. Interesting post about geek-snobs who expect their dates to be as geeky as they are.
Are you a geek-snob? Have we gotten too picky about who we date?
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Confidence is the Key to Success
Friday night I held my first Singles Workshop: "Humor in Mid-life Dating" at a local Panera. When I originally scheduled the workshop, I figured I could easily fill the community room to capacity - 40 people. After all, I have over 600 Facebook friends and loads of "real" friends! Of course, I'd be able to get 40 people to a free event. We might be able to squeeze over 40 into the room if the late-comers would be willing to stand. I'd have to find out if there were crowd restrictions due to safety regulations at Panera and be prepared to turn away the hoards of people that would be knocking at the door. "Let us in!" they'd plead. "We NEED to learn the fine points of humor in mid-life dating! Without this workshop, we will forever be stuck in dating hell!"
I created an event on Facebook, and sent an email to every friend I could think of and eagerly checked the Facebook RSVP page the next day.
One RSVP.
It was me.
Then I got another great idea. I'd have a panel of relationship coaches in the area. They could promote their own books and services and bring in their own huge crowd! I got four coaches that agreed to be on the panel and help me promote the event.
A week passed.Four more people RSVP'ed.
They were all the panelists.
More tweeting. "It will be fun!" I told my "friends" hoping I sounded convincing. "I don't go to those single events. Those are for desperate losers," said an anonymous desperate loser.
I got my friend, Michael, to RSVP, even though he didn’t think he could go. “People are more likely to go if they see others RSVP’ing,” I told him.
On the day of the event, I was reduced to begging. "I don't care if you're married, single, old, young, geek, cougar, dog, or Laptop, come to this GREAT event!"
I got a response: “Please take me off your email distribution list.”
HORRORS! Had I crossed the boundary? My inner critic shouted out to me, “No one wants to hear from you! You are bugging your friends. You are the worst kind of emailer. You have become…. a SPAMMER!”
I cringed in shame. Should I go to confession? “Bless me Father, for I have spammed.”
I considered cancelling. "It's going to be embarrassing," I whined to Michael. It will just be the panel and maybe one or two people who will be all awkward and thinking, "wow... this is really awkward."Faithful friend that Michael is, he said he would really go.
"You are NOT going to cancel. You're going to go and be your geeky, confident, crazy self, because you're the Laptop Dancer!" It was a pretty good pep talk. Plus, I know Michael really needs a lot of help with middle-age dating. The 100’s of hours of counseling I’d already given him wasn’t helping.
So I went.
It turned out that there were about 25 people! (Apparently, many people do not like to RSVP. ) The panelists did an excellent job. There were questions, there was discussion, there was laughing. It was a very successful and fun event!
As the group talked about the importance of confidence in dating, I realized that the same thing applies to everyday life. It's so easy to let our insecurities rule us. We are so worried about being embarrassed or judged. We don't want to be labeled as a 'loser' or 'desperate.' If no one shows up to an event we host, we feel unpopular and rejected.
But as we talked about at the workshop, rejection is all in our mind. If someone doesn't want to date us, we immediately assume there is something wrong with us. There are all kinds of reasons why someone might not want to date us that have nothing to do with us! It might be timing, distance, differences in interests. Maybe we remind them of their ex or maybe they just aren't over their latest love. Maybe we are just too good-looking for them and they'd feel insecure. (Yeah, that's my favorite thing to imagine when someone isn't interested in me.)
The point is that we can NOT let our insecurities get the best of us! Whether we are dating, hosting an event, or doing anything else that brings us out of our comfort zone, we need to quiet that inner critic and remain confident. We need to hold our heads high and be proud. Whether we strike out or hit it out of the ballpark is not really the issue. As long as we DO it, whatever IT is, we will succeed. (Of course, now that my event was successful, it’s a lot easier for me to say that rather than the alternative, “I am NEVER going to do that again!”)
I created an event on Facebook, and sent an email to every friend I could think of and eagerly checked the Facebook RSVP page the next day.
One RSVP.
It was me.
Then I got another great idea. I'd have a panel of relationship coaches in the area. They could promote their own books and services and bring in their own huge crowd! I got four coaches that agreed to be on the panel and help me promote the event.
A week passed.Four more people RSVP'ed.
They were all the panelists.
More tweeting. "It will be fun!" I told my "friends" hoping I sounded convincing. "I don't go to those single events. Those are for desperate losers," said an anonymous desperate loser.
I got my friend, Michael, to RSVP, even though he didn’t think he could go. “People are more likely to go if they see others RSVP’ing,” I told him.
On the day of the event, I was reduced to begging. "I don't care if you're married, single, old, young, geek, cougar, dog, or Laptop, come to this GREAT event!"
I got a response: “Please take me off your email distribution list.”
HORRORS! Had I crossed the boundary? My inner critic shouted out to me, “No one wants to hear from you! You are bugging your friends. You are the worst kind of emailer. You have become
I cringed in shame. Should I go to confession? “Bless me Father, for I have spammed.”
I considered cancelling. "It's going to be embarrassing," I whined to Michael. It will just be the panel and maybe one or two people who will be all awkward and thinking, "wow... this is really awkward."Faithful friend that Michael is, he said he would really go.
"You are NOT going to cancel. You're going to go and be your geeky, confident, crazy self, because you're the Laptop Dancer!" It was a pretty good pep talk. Plus, I know Michael really needs a lot of help with middle-age dating. The 100’s of hours of counseling I’d already given him wasn’t helping.
So I went.
It turned out that there were about 25 people! (Apparently, many people do not like to RSVP. ) The panelists did an excellent job. There were questions, there was discussion, there was laughing. It was a very successful and fun event!
As the group talked about the importance of confidence in dating, I realized that the same thing applies to everyday life. It's so easy to let our insecurities rule us. We are so worried about being embarrassed or judged. We don't want to be labeled as a 'loser' or 'desperate.' If no one shows up to an event we host, we feel unpopular and rejected.
But as we talked about at the workshop, rejection is all in our mind. If someone doesn't want to date us, we immediately assume there is something wrong with us. There are all kinds of reasons why someone might not want to date us that have nothing to do with us! It might be timing, distance, differences in interests. Maybe we remind them of their ex or maybe they just aren't over their latest love. Maybe we are just too good-looking for them and they'd feel insecure. (Yeah, that's my favorite thing to imagine when someone isn't interested in me.)
The point is that we can NOT let our insecurities get the best of us! Whether we are dating, hosting an event, or doing anything else that brings us out of our comfort zone, we need to quiet that inner critic and remain confident. We need to hold our heads high and be proud. Whether we strike out or hit it out of the ballpark is not really the issue. As long as we DO it, whatever IT is, we will succeed. (Of course, now that my event was successful, it’s a lot easier for me to say that rather than the alternative, “I am NEVER going to do that again!”)
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Instead of the Power of Now... Love, Fear, and Humor
Well, I read more of the Power of Now and I've decided that further blog posts on the subject might be redundant. Many people have told me the book and its teachings have brought them comfort, and I'm all for people having a peace of mind. The thing that bothered me most was what I perceive as "negativity" about Tolle's description of our thinking and our egos. But if I keep talking about that, then I'm being negative myself! I have to say, negativity is something that I have little patience for. So for those that feel positive about the book, I say, more power (of now) to you!
As an alternative, however, I want to blog about this Love vs. Fear philosophy that I heard about a few years ago. I don't know a lot about it, but the way it was explained to me is that all of our decisions and thinking is either "love-based" or "fear-based." If we consciously examine our thoughts, then we can work towards keeping them "love-based." I'd like to add my Laptop Dancer suggestion: if the love-based approach doesn't work, is to go in with a "humor-based" back-up plan.
So, let's say we're thinking about an ex. The "fear-based" thoughts might be filled with anger, hurt, rejection, and criticism. We might think about how he/she "wronged" us or betrayed us. The "love-based" thoughts might remind us of the positive aspects of a person we once loved. We might recognize that they are a good parent or that they have had to deal with hardships and grief, too. If you can't think positively about your ex, then try keeping your thoughts confined to relatively innocuous fantasies such as your ex getting hit with a pie in the face. Or maybe just picture them in some sort of ridiculous outfit. That should at least give you a good internal chuckle.
Another example might be a friend that doesn't call you back. A fear-based response might be, "How rude! If he doesn't want to talk to me then I won't talk to him. His loss," A love-based response might be, "I wonder if everything is OK. I'll call again and find out. If there's something wrong, I'll be there for him." Then, if you find out nothing is wrong and he was really just blowing you off, you can call him something funny like "Banana Brain." (Hopefully, you will come up with something funnier.) Even better than that would be to remind yourself of a time you laughed with your friend and maybe plan an email based around the joke. It's hard to be upset with someone when you remember a shared smile.
One of the big rules for me, when it comes to relationships, is to try not to take things personally. Instead of always thinking about how hurt you are, try and focus on the other person.
Of course, if you're going through a divorce or a painful breakup, it's very difficult to come to terms when someone you love doesn't feel the same way about you. I remember my ex saying, "It's nothing personal." Of course, it's personal! When your husband tells you he doesn't love you anymore, it's personal! But, if you can just recognize that you are still loveable... that even if this one person doesn't love you, there are so many people that do love you... that you are a unique miracle complete with flaws and talents that make you special. If you can just see the beauty in yourself... then you do not need to obsess over how one person doesn't love you. You have to feel a little sorry for that person because they are missing out on YOU.
And if that doesn't work, well, what else can I tell you, Banana Brain? Put on a good comedy, get out the ice cream, and enjoy the power of NOW!
As an alternative, however, I want to blog about this Love vs. Fear philosophy that I heard about a few years ago. I don't know a lot about it, but the way it was explained to me is that all of our decisions and thinking is either "love-based" or "fear-based." If we consciously examine our thoughts, then we can work towards keeping them "love-based." I'd like to add my Laptop Dancer suggestion: if the love-based approach doesn't work, is to go in with a "humor-based" back-up plan.
So, let's say we're thinking about an ex. The "fear-based" thoughts might be filled with anger, hurt, rejection, and criticism. We might think about how he/she "wronged" us or betrayed us. The "love-based" thoughts might remind us of the positive aspects of a person we once loved. We might recognize that they are a good parent or that they have had to deal with hardships and grief, too. If you can't think positively about your ex, then try keeping your thoughts confined to relatively innocuous fantasies such as your ex getting hit with a pie in the face. Or maybe just picture them in some sort of ridiculous outfit. That should at least give you a good internal chuckle.
Another example might be a friend that doesn't call you back. A fear-based response might be, "How rude! If he doesn't want to talk to me then I won't talk to him. His loss," A love-based response might be, "I wonder if everything is OK. I'll call again and find out. If there's something wrong, I'll be there for him." Then, if you find out nothing is wrong and he was really just blowing you off, you can call him something funny like "Banana Brain." (Hopefully, you will come up with something funnier.) Even better than that would be to remind yourself of a time you laughed with your friend and maybe plan an email based around the joke. It's hard to be upset with someone when you remember a shared smile.
One of the big rules for me, when it comes to relationships, is to try not to take things personally. Instead of always thinking about how hurt you are, try and focus on the other person.
Of course, if you're going through a divorce or a painful breakup, it's very difficult to come to terms when someone you love doesn't feel the same way about you. I remember my ex saying, "It's nothing personal." Of course, it's personal! When your husband tells you he doesn't love you anymore, it's personal! But, if you can just recognize that you are still loveable... that even if this one person doesn't love you, there are so many people that do love you... that you are a unique miracle complete with flaws and talents that make you special. If you can just see the beauty in yourself... then you do not need to obsess over how one person doesn't love you. You have to feel a little sorry for that person because they are missing out on YOU.
And if that doesn't work, well, what else can I tell you, Banana Brain? Put on a good comedy, get out the ice cream, and enjoy the power of NOW!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tumor Humor - Part 1
This morning I'm taking some sick time from work. This is kind of silly because I'm here, typing on my laptop, which is all that is really required for me to “work.” The most physically taxing part of my job is the energy required to get up and go to the bathroom. However, we get five sick days a year, and I can't remember ever taking one. I can work from home and I'm addicted to email. Even when I'm legitimately sick, I manage to check my email, just to make sure I'm not missing out on some late-breaking information. I want to keep up on any schedule changes for the Team Happy Hour, for example.
But yesterday, I went to work, despite the recent diagnosis. I tell my co-workers in an ominous, scary way that I have a “brain tumor” in order to solicit the most sympathy. People look at me in horror! “Oh my God! You will be in our prayers! What are you doing here?” I figure I might as well milk this sympathy for all its worth. “Yes.” I say in a brave, resolved voice. “God will see me through this!”
A pituitary gland tumor (or, if I'm drop the melodramatics, it's really just a growth, and not very big) is almost always benign and treatable. They can either remove it through the nose (a very unique booger) or maybe even treat it with drugs or radiation. I'll find out more today.
The exciting thing is that this can explain so much! Everyone blamed my dizziness on my blond highlights! And all that scatter-brain behavior? It all makes sense now! The pituitary gland controls all the hormones. As any female can attest, we have enough trouble with our hormones even when things are working normally! Apparently, my hormones are completely out of whack, and NO, IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M PERI-MENAPAUSAL! AHHHHH! I'M GOING TO CRY IF ANYONE TRIES TO CONVINCE ME OF THAT!
Saturday, December 06, 2008
My Yearly Sexual Encounter With Mr. Roboto
There are a lot of drama queens out there that will tell you mammograms are “horrible”. They'll tell you war stories about how their friend, Susan, was in the “squished” position when the power went out and she had to stand there “for hours” in unbearable pain. Some even have the nerve to compare this experience with childbirth.
After hearing these atrocities, I expected the worst when I went in for my first mammogram at age 40. I stood there, breast posed on the tray as the robotic spatula piece slowly made it's way down, ready to squish my middle-aged breast into a flattened pancake. Goodbye, sweet breast. You served me well through many a grope. The robot does its squeeze, and I proudly note that my breast size has increased. It's a 2 dimensional shape now, but it's stretched out past the first marked curve, almost making it to the second one. (It reminds me of those stretching exercises where you sit on the floor and see how far you can extend your fingers.) The technician tells me to hold my breath. Here it comes...that unbearable pain... She snaps her X-Ray, and the mechanical arm comes up. That's it? That's the unbearable pain that experienced mammogrammers are talking about? What wimps!
Clearly these women that scare mammogram-virgins with their stories are not comfortable with experimentation and sexual openness. For those of us that are single and don't have access to men who regularly fondling our breasts, the annual mammogram can provide a sexual adventure like none other.
Yesterday was the day. No deodorant allowed. It's OK. Mr. Roboto and I enjoy our natural scents. I wore the hospital gown parted down the middle, just hinting of the breasts beneath. I opened the gown slowly and the technician gently cupped my breast, placing it gingerly on the tray as the robot enjoyed this bit of foreplay. He, of course, was immediately turned on and started coming down on me.
“Hold your breath so I can get a good picture” the technician advised. I did as told, keeping quiet, squelching my urges to moan. I whispered a quiet “oooh...that hurt so good” under my breath once the arm started lifting. Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto. We got into several different positions, doing “it” at different angles, the photographer guiding us through every shot. I worked the camera, knowing my breasts were being handled by a professional.
The session was over too soon. The technician went out to check the proofs while I had a quiet moment with Mr. Roboto. Still flustered from our sexy photo shoot, I was tempted to disrobe entirely and wrap myself around his steely pole. But I felt chilly and somehow, the machine seemed distant. It's funny how one moment he can be squeezing my breasts...the next he's just sitting there, uncommunicative and cold. I had a moment of melancholy. I was just another pair of breasts to him...he'll feel thousands before he touches mine again.
“Would you like to be my Mr. December?” I ask him. He sits there, saying nothing and I wonder if he cares about me at all. Machines....
The technician comes back and tells me the photos are good and I'm free to go.
Even though the robot is immobile, I know he is a complex being. It's not his fault that he has no life. It's not like he can run off to see the wizard like the Tin Man.
Even if I mean nothing to him, I will savor the sweet experience of our yearly rendezvous. He may not love me, but I know he's looking out for me and some day, may even save my life. Each relationship is different and we have to love it for what it is.
Goodbye you hunky robot. I'll see you next year.
After hearing these atrocities, I expected the worst when I went in for my first mammogram at age 40. I stood there, breast posed on the tray as the robotic spatula piece slowly made it's way down, ready to squish my middle-aged breast into a flattened pancake. Goodbye, sweet breast. You served me well through many a grope. The robot does its squeeze, and I proudly note that my breast size has increased. It's a 2 dimensional shape now, but it's stretched out past the first marked curve, almost making it to the second one. (It reminds me of those stretching exercises where you sit on the floor and see how far you can extend your fingers.) The technician tells me to hold my breath. Here it comes...that unbearable pain... She snaps her X-Ray, and the mechanical arm comes up. That's it? That's the unbearable pain that experienced mammogrammers are talking about? What wimps!
Clearly these women that scare mammogram-virgins with their stories are not comfortable with experimentation and sexual openness. For those of us that are single and don't have access to men who regularly fondling our breasts, the annual mammogram can provide a sexual adventure like none other.
Yesterday was the day. No deodorant allowed. It's OK. Mr. Roboto and I enjoy our natural scents. I wore the hospital gown parted down the middle, just hinting of the breasts beneath. I opened the gown slowly and the technician gently cupped my breast, placing it gingerly on the tray as the robot enjoyed this bit of foreplay. He, of course, was immediately turned on and started coming down on me.
“Hold your breath so I can get a good picture” the technician advised. I did as told, keeping quiet, squelching my urges to moan. I whispered a quiet “oooh...that hurt so good” under my breath once the arm started lifting. Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto. We got into several different positions, doing “it” at different angles, the photographer guiding us through every shot. I worked the camera, knowing my breasts were being handled by a professional.
The session was over too soon. The technician went out to check the proofs while I had a quiet moment with Mr. Roboto. Still flustered from our sexy photo shoot, I was tempted to disrobe entirely and wrap myself around his steely pole. But I felt chilly and somehow, the machine seemed distant. It's funny how one moment he can be squeezing my breasts...the next he's just sitting there, uncommunicative and cold. I had a moment of melancholy. I was just another pair of breasts to him...he'll feel thousands before he touches mine again.
“Would you like to be my Mr. December?” I ask him. He sits there, saying nothing and I wonder if he cares about me at all. Machines....
The technician comes back and tells me the photos are good and I'm free to go.
Even though the robot is immobile, I know he is a complex being. It's not his fault that he has no life. It's not like he can run off to see the wizard like the Tin Man.
Even if I mean nothing to him, I will savor the sweet experience of our yearly rendezvous. He may not love me, but I know he's looking out for me and some day, may even save my life. Each relationship is different and we have to love it for what it is.
Goodbye you hunky robot. I'll see you next year.
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