Too old for dating? It's just getting fun...

I've never been one who liked to date, even in my youth. Maybe it's the small talk, or maybe it's the stress of worrying if he likes me or I like him, or maybe it's just because I'd usually much rather be home with Laptop Guy, but it just hasn't been my thing. That being said, I've certainly done my share of it in the past few years in the quest to find another partner.


My plan (I always have a plan) was: I will put myself out there until I'm 50, and if I'm not in love by then, I will be content living out the rest of my life as a happy single. It didn't mean I planned to give up totally on the idea of getting married again -- I've heard the cliche wisdom, "when you're not looking, it will happen," over and over again.


So I turned 50. The world didn't come to an end. I don't feel different than I did at 49. I actually am more comfortable about dating than I was when I was young and certainly more comfortable than I was at 43, when I first got divorced. I've learned that dating is is not that big of a deal. I suppose I've grown to accept that there's a good chance the relationships I get into won't lead to marriage, so I stop stressing about them, and just let them play out. I really don't worry too much about the "attraction" factor any more. These days, I'm a lot more interested in getting to know someone and I've stopped worrying so much about all those sexual fears.


There was a big study recently that showed that happiness begins at 50. Some people speculate it's because those of us at this older age live more "in the moment." I would guess it's because we are more accepting of ourselves and the people around us. Or maybe it's because our hormones and libido are more at an even keel and don't confuse and frustrate us the way they once did.

In any case, the holidays are upon us again, and I reluctantly thought maybe I'd give match.com another try. Just one month... I was prepared for the worst. Now that I'm 50, I figured I would be too old to even make it into the search criteria of anyone other than the senior citizens. (I did briefly consider lying about my age... it's so common place on the online dating sites that it's almost expected... but that's a story for another post.)

Anyway, I have been having the best luck this time around! There are a lot of really great-looking, active, intelligent guys in their late 40's and early 50's who have contacted me. In fact, when I had three "in the 'let's meet' queue," I had to start turning 'em away. (I never was good at multi-dating and I barely have time to date one guy, let alone more than one.)

Now I fully expected that when I met these guys I'd do my typical thing and find some stupid, insignificant reason why we were a bad match, but that didn't happen! I think it's 'cause I used to think you had to have that limerence-induced infatuated feeling and I hardly ever get that. But this time, I was much more open to just getting to know someone more... And I actually liked all three of them! Maybe it really is much more about attitude than age.

It turns out Bachelor #2 (who secretly I was hoping for) has asked me out to dinner for Friday night! Way too early to know if it will amount to anything, but it feels good to be back in the game!

Nine Levels of Love - Podcast with John Maturo

The other day I spoke with relationship coach John Maturo about his eBook, "Nine Levels of Love," and his company NU.

Tune in to this podcast to find out more about the book, the "relationship cruise" that is being offered in 2011, and advice for new singles.



Maturo helps his clients:

•Break free of bad habits

•Overcome old hurts and demons

•Shrug off negative, self-damaging feelings

•Replace unconstructive thoughts

•Improve self-esteem

•Accept yourself, flaws and all

•Find…and keep…the love you crave!

Kindness Tips from Pick The Brain

I'm going to wrap up this final day of World Kindness Week by pointing you to a post from Pick the Brain: Do This and People Will LOVE You - Even If They're Suspicious.

This article talks about how nice it is both to give and receive unexpected kindnesses... just little things that show someone we're thinking of them. Here are some ideas from the post:

● Bring in snacks for the office.

● Give friends and co-workers small gifts matching their interest.

● Compliment parents on their children in public places, particularly their behavior. Even if they weren’t perfect. Who is?

● Do the classic pay for the coffee of the car behind you thing in drive throughs.

● Show up with flowers for no reason.

● Take a few minutes to listen to someone who seems lonely.

● Send letters or cards to let people know you’re thinking of them.

Some people think it's more "selfless" to give a gift anonymously. They feel that if part of the reason you're giving the gift is to get recognition or thanks or love it's "selfish." The thing is, when you receive a gift you want to thank that person. You want them to know how grateful and happy you are for their kindness. You want to share that happiness with them by giving your thanks. If they're anonymous, you can't do that.

We all enjoy doing something that makes another person happy whether that's giving or thanking. Accepting a kindness graciously and with happiness is almost like a gift back to the giver. Doing a kindness for someone will make you both happy... it's a win-win deal.

So, whether you're the giver or receiver, enjoy the gift of kindness.

By the way, Pick the Brain is a great site with lots of articles about motivation and self-improvement. They also have a new "90 Days to a Better You" eBook that you can get for free along with some daily inspirational quotes and confidence builders. Check it out!

Are Kindness and Love Synonomous?

In honor of World Kindness Week, this week I'm blogging about kindness. This blog is all about love, however, and so the question I've been pondering is: Are kindness and love the same thing?

According to this recent blog post: Kindness is Not the Same as Love. The post gives these definitions for kindness:

Definitions of kindness:

Kindness is evidenced by goodness and charitable behavior, a pleasantness, tenderness and concern for others. According to Aristotle, kindness is an emotion manifesting itself by the desire to help somebody in need, without expecting anything in return. Peter Kreeft defines kindness as “sympathy, with the desire to relieve another’s suffering.” [Envoy Magazine, Vol 9.3, p. 20]

The difference between love and kindness:

Love, on the other hand, according to the article "wills what is best for the other" and makes the point that in some cases, such as parental discipline, love must outweigh kindness for the good of the child. The post is one that is coming from a religious perspective and also points out that an attitude which equates kindness to love can lead to euthanasia or atheism because God didn't save Christ from the suffering on the cross.

Both love and kindness mean doing what's best for the other person

Now, I agree that love and kindness are not exactly the same thing, but not for the same reasons stated in the blog post.

I think both love and kindness want what is best for the other person. I don't think kindness always means "relieving another's suffering" if we don't think that's what's best for the other person. Even in the stated definition, it's the desire to relieve another's suffering. However, it can be especially loving and kind to resist relieving that suffering if you feel that in the long run it is for the best of the other person. This might be comparable to being honest with someone even when it hurts them. If you can do this with respect, in my opinion it is a kind thing. You can discipline with kindness.

As for religion, well... I'm no theologist... but certainly everything in the world is not loving and kind, and I still believe in God. We all need to reach our own conclusions about why bad things happen to good people. Some things are out of our control. But I believe it's within all of our control to live with an attitude of kindness towards other people.

So are they the same thing?

I think that kindness is an aspect of love but not all of what love is. Love is a lot of things. It's something we give, something we receive, something we feel. But, as I surmised in my "8 Kinds of Love" post, there are different kinds of love but not too many different kinds of "kindness." Well... maybe there are, but the point is we are not always kind to people we love.

As the post points out, sometimes we are more kind to strangers than we are to our family members, but that doesn't mean we love them more. It could just mean we're being more polite to strangers... Or it could mean we take our family for granted, knowing they'll still love us, even when we're not so kind... Something to think about.

And sometimes we love someone romantically even when they're not necessarily kind! Actually, that doesn't happen to me too often... I definitely want kindness in a relationship... But I know it does happen! All the time you hear about people being more attracted to "bad boys" or "chicks with an attitude."

Another difference is that we can be super-kind to someone, but it won't necessarily get them to love us. In fact, it may even annoy them if they think we're just being kind so that they will love us. Or maybe they'll appreciate our kindness and think we're a really nice person, but they still won't "love" us.

I think true kindness does not expect anything in return. You're not being kind because you want someone to love you or because you want them to do something for you.. You just are being kind because it's your character. It's natural to smile and to speak respectfully and kindly to everyone you meet.

It is very easy to be kind. Be kind to strangers, to your family, to your friends, to your pets, to yourself... Perhaps the only people it's not easy to be kind to are people who we don't like. But what would happen if we were kind even to them? Well, that's a subject for another day... This blog post is already too long.

So while the meanings are not exactly the same, I'd say kindness is a key ingredient to love. If you're taking your friends and family for granted, maybe it's time to stop and consciously make an effort to treat them with special kindness. Make it a habit.

As for romantic love? Well, kindness won't guarantee you'll get that. But if kindness is a part of your character, you almost certainly will be loved.

Kindness for Troops and Veterans

In honor of World Kindness Week and Veterans Day, this is obviously a day to give thanks and show kindness to our troops. Find out what you can do to support our troops by reading about Operation Gratitude. As for veterans? There are bunch of fun things for you to enjoy today. A huge thanks to those who serve our country.

Support our Troops

I found this wonderful Website called Operation Gratitude. This group sends 100,000 care packages annually over to the troops. They also have all kinds of ideas of how you can help. Their blog is filled with ideas of things you can do to support our troops. Check out 10 Ways to Support Our Troops in November for details on everything from knitting scarves, to writing letters, to recycling cell phones.

Veteran's Day Freebies

It's nice to see that the community honoring veterans today, too. Here are some events and freebies for Veterans that I found in my Free Things to Do in Denver newsletter:

Veteran’s Day is November 11, 2010 and did you know there are nearly 24 million Veterans living among us? Well, we’re glad to see so many freebies out there for our active duty and retired military. Everything from a free one-day cruise to free dinners! Military ID is required for some offers. As Veteran’s Day approaches, it is refreshing to see that there are more and more companies who want to thank our veterans by providing them with discounts or a free meal. To those companies offering veterans a free meal or discount, we give a collective thanks. Check out the free ticket offers, free drinks and other fundraisers and celebrations for members of the military.

Anheuser-Busch Parks Free Admission

Complimentary admission for active duty military representing all five service branches, active members of a reserve or National Guard unit, and/or up to three direct dependants. Valid for one complimentary single-day admission per person, per year, to one of the following Anheuser-Busch Adventure Parks:

SeaWorld Orlando, San Diego, or San Antonio

Busch Gardens Tampa Bay or Williamsburg

Sesame Place

Adventure Island

Water Country USA

Offer valid through 12/31/2010. Operating days and hours vary by park. Please check with specific park for current operating schedule. Learn more.

Applebee’s — Come on out and enjoy a free meal. Veterans and active duty eat free on Nov. 11, 2010. The freebie menu has seven options, including a burger, salad, chicken, sirloin, and shrimp. Dine in only. Beverages and tip not included. ID required.

Bed and Breakfasts free — A long list of B&Bs are offering a free night stay to veterans on Nov. 10, 2010. Most of the B&Bs are already booked (those marked FULL), but there are a few left.

Brides Across America – Military wives can get a free wedding dress Nov. 8-13 at select locations across the county. The dresses are donated by a slew of designers and sell for $500 to $3,000. Sizes range from 4 to 22.

Claim Jumper — Free dessert for veterans and active duty military with ID is available on Nov. 10, 2010. Dine in only.

Dollar General — Veterans, active duty, national guard and their immediate families get a 10% veteran discount on all purchases on Nov. 11, 2010. (See screen one in above link.)

FLW Outdoors Digital Magazine – For National Guard Members. Here’s what you get: Bass or walleye editions , Player’s Advantage for Fantasy Fishing, Digital editions…and the ability to read FLW Outdoors Magazine anywhere you serve.

Free Audio and paperbacks – Free paperbacks and audiobooks – MilitaryOneSource.com offers ten free paperback / audiobooks per year to those in the military and their families.

Free one day cruise to the Bahamas – Discovery Cruise Line is inviting all Military who have served or are serving in Iraq or Afghanistan during the last year on a complimentary one day cruise from Ft,. Lauderdale, FL to Grand Bahama Island valid until December 31, 2010. Discovery will provide the free one day Bahamas Cruise including the cost of all buffet meals, all service charges, taxes and Bahamian Departure Fees. There are no additional costs involved.

Golden Corral — On Monday, Nov. 15, 2010 from 5-9 p.m., veterans, active duty, reserve, and national guard members can get a free dinner buffet. Last year they fed 335,000 people!

Hooters – Get a free meal from a special menu at participating restaurants when you purchase a beverage. Available for veterans and active military with ID. Dine in only. Cannot be combined with other discounts. Up to an $8.50 value.

The Home Depot – Veterans get a 10% military discount year round. Show your military ID at checkout.

Hy-vee – The midwestern grocery chain with in-store dining is serving free breakfast buffet to veterans on Nov. 11 from 7-11 a.m.

Knott’s Berry Farm — Through Nov. 24, 2010, admission is free to veterans or active duty military personnel plus one guest. Get up to six extra tickets for $15 each. ID required. Eligible person must be present. Dependent I.D.s will not be accepted.

Lowe’s — Just like rival Home Depot, Lowe’s offers a 10% military discount year round. Show your military ID at checkout.

McCormick & Schmick’s -- Veterans get a free meal from a special menu on Sunday, Nov. 7, 2010. Reservations strongly suggested. ID required.

National Parks — Some 393 National Parks across 49 states are free to everyone on Nov. 11, 2010.

New Balance — Shipping on sneakers and everything else is free for everyone through Nov. 11, 2010.

Outback Steakhouse – Veterans and active duty will be treated to a free bloomin’ onion and non-alcoholic beverage of their choice on Nov. 11, 2010.

Red Roof – Veterans get a hotel discount of 15% at participating Red Roof hotels for the month of November. Mention your military status over the phone or when you book online use coupon code 606310. ID required.

Sam’s Club – Free Canes for for Veterans – For Veterans Day (November 10th, 11th and 12th), Sam’s Club will be giving away 36,000 free Hugo canes to United States Military Veterans in need of mobility assistance. Quantities are limited per club. Available while supplies last. Sam’s Club Membership is not required but proof of military service required.

Sea World — Admission is free for active military duty personnel and up to three dependents for Sea World Orlando, San Diego, or San Antonio, Busch Gardens Tampa Bay or Williamsburg, Sesame Place, Adventure Island, or Water Country USA. Some exclusions. One per person per year. ID required.

Sleep Number — Veterans get a mattress discount, free shipping on bed sets, and special discounts through Nov. 14, 2010.

Universal Studios (Hollywood, CA) — Military discounts are offered year round to military retirees, DOD personnel, members of the National Guard/Reserves, dependents and all other base personnel when you buy tickets in advance through participating MWR/ITT offices or through the mail.

Uno Chicago Grill – Get a free meal or pizza when you show up in uniform, have a picture of you in uniform, or have military ID. Nov. 11, 2010 only. No coupon needed.

Spreading Kindness and Love with a Recorded Call

In honor of World Kindness Week, I wrote up an article about my "Giving a Gift of Love" idea and I'm hoping people will download it and pass it around.

Basically, the idea is to have the friends and family of the intended recipient call in to a conference call with messages of love and then record the call. With the recordings you can create a CD as a gift for the recipient to save and listen to whenever he wants. I'm doing this as a Thanksgiving surprise for my friend, Craig Dunham, who is a victim of ALS.

This idea has turned out to be a really fun experience for everyone involved. All the people who are participating are grateful to have this chance to send their love to Craig in this manner. I really can't wait to give him this recording so he can hear what a difference he's made in so many lives. Talk about kindness... Craig is the man. He's kind even when he can't move or talk! You can just see the kindness in his eyes.

This is especially a wonderful gift for Craig. Since he can't move or talk any more, he can't just pick up the phone and have a conversation with all the people he loves. But he can still hear and he can still love and I feel so lucky that I thought of this way that I could bring a whole bunch of love to him for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Now the rest of you out there CAN pick up the phone and talk! Isn't it amazing what we all take for granted? So even if you don't want to make a recorded call for someone, you can spread kindness and love every day. Don't forget to tell the people in your life how much they mean to you and how much you love them. It will mean more than you know to both of you.

World Kindness Week - Spread Kindness!

I have been meaning for quite some time to blog about the relationship of love and kindness and it looks like this will be the week! Yesterday I learned that Nov.8 - Nov.13 is World Kindness Week!

I blogged once before about the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation. Well, they have a new website that combines social media and kindness! You know I've gotta be all over that! There's even a game you can play to score points for doing kind acts. (You know how much I like points!)

There are all kinds of inspiring stories, ideas for spreading kindness to the world, and the ability to connect to like-minded kind people. How great is that?

I have found that as I surround myself with kind people (whether those be virtual friends or people I see in life all the time) my life just becomes more full of love and happiness. Sometimes my heart is just so full I can't express it. I have some people in my life who are kind beyond words... These people give so freely of themselves whether it be with a check for a good cause, a prayer, a vote in the latest competition, or just an encouraging word. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

I have spread the word about a lot of things since I started getting involved with social media and blogging... some of them have been purely for myself (like asking people to sign up for Jazzed so I could win an iPad) and some have been for other people... asking people to help a girl with Cerebral Palsy, asking for votes for a Children's Hospital, asking for prayers for those in need.

In all those cases, spreading the word made a big difference! Kindness spreads!

So, this week I'm going to blog all I can about kindness and this Random Acts of Kindness Website. Come join! Let's spread the word of kindness!

Men and Authenticity - Interview with Ray Brejcha

The other day I blogged about The Red Pill Weekend, put on by Ray Brejcha. Since then I've had the opportunity to speak more with Ray about the weekend and find out more about why men are saying it's a life-changing experience.

Listen in on this podcast to find out more about The Red Pill Weekend and what Ray has to say about how men can develop deeper connections in their lives.

Help Mr. November become a Paridise Hunter

One of the most interesting people I met in the quest for love, chronicled in The Laptop Dancer Diaries, was Mr. November: Ian Usher. Ian has a fascinating story. He received fame (if not fortune) from "selling his life on eBay." Then he spent the next 100 weeks traveling the world in hopes of achieving 100 goals. Along the way, we met, in November, 2008, when I was looking for an adventure a month and a man to fall in love with as I was writing my book.

Ian and I have remained friends and I'm happy to say that he has recently completed his book, A LIFE SOLD. I don't think it's quite ready for sale yet, but will be in a couple of weeks. I can't wait to get my copy!

Ian's next venture may be spending a year as a Paradise Hunter! He's applying for the position of hosting a show. Job responsibilities include traveling the world in search of paradise.

Part of the job application is getting votes for a video you put together. As usual, Ian has done an excellent job with the video and certainly is an experienced paradise hunter!

Check out his video and vote at: http://www.paradisehunter.com/vote/Ianusher.html

Two sites for people who LOVE free stuff!

This blog is about love of ALL types and one thing I love is getting a good deal.... either by special offers or sales or prizes!

So for those of you who also are into good deals, let me tell you about two sites that often have some great stuff offered:

Living Social
You can sign up for major cities to get a Daily Deal. I, of course, sign up for the Denver area, and every day I find out about half-price deals. Some of these are really great deals. I've gotten white-water rafting and a mobile massage, both for half-price and I just purchased a deal for 3 hours of maid service for only $50! Better yet, if you pass on the deal to friends and get 3 to sign up for the deal in 72 hours, you get the service for free! Social networker that I am, I often can think of many people who might be interested.

In fact, if you live in the Denver area and want to get your house cleaned for $50 (or possibly for free) click here to find out more! (Offer expires tomorrow, though..)

Free Things to Do in Denver

This site is great for people in the Denver area. If you don't live in the area, just google "Free Things in [city of your choice]" and you may find a similar site. I think it's awesome!

From their Website:

FREE DENVER — Free Things to Do in Denver is dedicated to providing all the latest free and low-cost things to do in Denver. Free Things to do in Denver provides information on free family events, free museums, free events, free attractions, free concerts, free kid’s events, free comedy, free festivals, free music, free stuff, free drinks, free food, and more. We want people (and families especially) to be able to have fun without money in Denver.

You can sign up for a daily newsletter with upcoming free events. Check out what was in the newsletter yesterday:

• Reminder: Free Denver American Girl Events in Nov/Dec
• Great Model Train Expo – Nov 6-7 and Kids are Free!
• Free Days at the Denver Zoo – November 7 and 13
• Free Days at Denver Museum of Science and Nature – Nov 14 and Dec 6
• Free Day at Denver Botanic Gardens at Chatfield – Nov 5
• Free Tie Day – Nov 6 in Denver
• Reminder: Free Art Walks in Golden Triangle Art District – Nov 5
• Free Kid’s Workshop: Spice Rack Project at Home Depot – November 6
• Free Concert: Opera Rocks the Rockies – Nov 5

Contests

Of course the most exciting kind of freebie is a prize. My friend Lis won an iPad for a student with Cerebral Palsy by spreading the word about her gym.

And I even won an iPad for myself! Yes, by pestering all my friends to sign on to Jazzed, a new eHarmony spin-off, I got entries in their sweepstakes, and won that iPad! Believe me, a geek like me LOVES an iPad! (I almost added "love of technology" to my "Eight Kinds of Love" post, but I knew only geeks would truly get it...)

I also won entry into the Muddy Buddy at the Boulder Res last summer when I was laid off by entering a FaceBook contest! This was such an excellent prize since I got to do it with my son at a time when I was so worried about money. (Entry fee to the Muddy Buddy is really expensive.)

You definitely don't want to get the reputation of being a spammer, but if you truly believe in a cause or a "deal" then social media is the perfect outlet for spreading the word. I have to say, I am so grateful to my friends that put up with my emails, tweets, blog posts, and facebook status updates and support me in these various contests!